Message
OP -
The older I get, the more I realize that money is not everything. When I was younger, I thought that it was. Being married for 16 years to the love of my life and losing her to cancer, I would give away everything to have her back. While she called often me her "rock"; I dare to say that she was my "rock". Let me share what "everything" is; Career with a high six-figure income, 5-BR house in Burke, two rental houses in Hawaii, and two healthy 401Ks. Sounds as though that I would be happy as a clam, yes? Truth be told, you have no idea how lonely I am.
Go home to your SO and your kids, hug/kiss them and tell them that you love them as that is all that is truly important in this world. Be thankful for what you have, not for what you think you need...
LS
The older I get, the more I realize that money is not everything. When I was younger, I thought that it was. Being married for 16 years to the love of my life and losing her to cancer, I would give away everything to have her back. While she called often me her "rock"; I dare to say that she was my "rock". Let me share what "everything" is; Career with a high six-figure income, 5-BR house in Burke, two rental houses in Hawaii, and two healthy 401Ks. Sounds as though that I would be happy as a clam, yes? Truth be told, you have no idea how lonely I am.
Go home to your SO and your kids, hug/kiss them and tell them that you love them as that is all that is truly important in this world. Be thankful for what you have, not for what you think you need...
LS
Anonymous wrote:I think she's attractive. Maybe not a "classic beauty," but if her personality is nice, and the chemistry is there, I'd be happy with her. Most men would. The idea that "men feel entitled to supermodels" is mostly toxic feminist BS.
+1 Completely agree with ALL. Most of the time, women are their own worst enemies. Either backstabbing other women or denigrating themselves in some form or fashion. You can tell that this little lady takes care of herself. So, if the other pieces of the puzzle are there, why not? I'm a 50 y.o. widowed male and I'd love to have her number!!
LS
Anonymous wrote:Lonely_Sojourner wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?
In 16 years of marriage, I never, ever went through my wife's purse. Even if she asked me to get something out of it, I would go get it and bring it to her. Sadly, my wife died three years ago and I had to go through her wallet for the first time, I might add. Even then I still felt as though that I was invading her privacy...
Suggestion - go through his wallet...
LS
Very sorry about your wife.
I'm a wife too (13 years and counting) and I don't mind if my husband goes through my purse or wallet. He would never dig around for no reason though, but if he needs money or my credit card, he's more than welcome to get it (if only so I don't have to get up and do it for him!). Same with him- I don't rifle through his wallet for no reason, but if I need cash or whatever, I am free to get it. However, we ALWAYS tell each other what we are doing, esp. if it involves money, so the other person isn't surprised.
OP, if you told him no and he still did it...yes, you have the right to be mad!
PP: Thank you for the your kind words and congrats on 13 years; a bit of a rarity these days. We had a trusting, loving relationship and respected each other's boundaries. Like you and your DH, we always discussed financial matters ahead of time, not after the fact.
LS
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?
In 16 years of marriage, I never, ever went through my wife's purse. Even if she asked me to get something out of it, I would go get it and bring it to her. Sadly, my wife died three years ago and I had to go through her wallet for the first time, I might add. Even then I still felt as though that I was invading her privacy...
Suggestion - go through his wallet...
LS
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was his personal phone. Sounds like men dont want to receive these type of sexts during the workday.
Can't speak for the rest of the male populace; however, my wife and I had many a "nooner" when we were living in Tokyo. Granted, it was rather easy as we were both working for the same company, had the same work hours and love hotels on every street corner. BL - "Where there is a will, there is a way..."
LS
Anonymous wrote:What is your ethnicity? WOC isn't specific enough.
Also, what is your religion? This makes a big difference especially if you are talking marriage.
+1 Agree that you need to state more info as just stating you're a "WOC" is far too nebulous. I'm currently widowed; however, my wife was Asian with a very exotic look (which I prefer). On that note, I was in Ethiopia for a few weeks on business and let me share that I saw 10-20 Ethiopian women that were drop dead gorgeous. Yes, the thought crossed my mind on what it would take to emigrate one of these lovelies as my luck with DC women sucks beyond belief.
L_S
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking that there's nothing worse than going on a first date with someone who treats you like a candidate at a job interview. What every happened to the art of conversation? People have become so witless and dull.
Because I know what I want. And if you don't meet the big criteria, the little stuff doesn't matter. After the interview, if the big stuff doesn't match, then I'm happy to become friends without benefits and I'll converse with you till the cows come home. I'll also probably only see you once every two or three months as my schedule permits.
How would you develop any level of chemistry or respect from an "interview"? Further, it's not uncommon that you adopt some of your spouses / SO's views or beliefs in lieu of your own, especially if they are from a different culture. That is the beauty of being part of a couple, you share all kinds of things. I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend (16 years) until she died of cancer. Over time, I saw that some of her beliefs were far better than my own (she was Asian).
L_S
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just curious how it works these days-- do you offer to pay and he declines for the first date? Or does no one offer much less pay for the first date (and do you ever pay)?
I always offer to pay half on a first date. My offer is always declined. On a few dates, we have gone to another bar and I will buy drinks. I actually feel really bad if someone is always paying for me. I went out with a guy for a 4th or 5th date and gave the waitress my credit card before he got there. At the end of dinner, he had no choice but for me to pay. Yes....I expected sex after that
You sound like my kind of woman;would ask you to PM me as time permits...
L_S
Anonymous wrote:Just curious how it works these days-- do you offer to pay and he declines for the first date? Or does no one offer much less pay for the first date (and do you ever pay)?
I've been in the dating scene for about a year or so and I usually pay for the first date, simply because I'm old school and chivalry is not dead in my opinion. Yes, I still open doors and assist with jackets and such. Quite frankly, these first dates are really nothing over the top. Usually, its drinks and an appetizer, not dinner at Masseria or Komi. I've probably been on 10 dates or so and none of the ladies insisted that we split the bill or offered to pay, which is fine in my opinion. On a third date, I did invite a lady and her son to a Nat's Game where I paid for her ticket and she insisted that she pay for her son's.
L_S
Anonymous wrote:Lonely_Sojourner wrote:Anonymous wrote:They really suck, to be honest. I actually met my current boyfriend on Bumble but it took abut a year of running into him in random places wth friends that I really got interested in him. Just expect dozens of bad dates, but at least you get free drinks/food if you're a girl and conversation practice. I've met a lot of weirdos.
+1... I recently joined the ranks of online dating about a year ago and I despise it with a passion. Being an "old-school" type of guy from the South, I prefer face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball engagements as I rely heavily on gut-feel; not to mention, I have a very outgoing personality and pride myself on being a good conversationalist.
Being widowed for the past three years, let me share that learning to date all over again at the "ripe old age" of 50 is tough on numerous fronts. I'll share one story that comes to mind. I was on my fourth date with a very nice lady and invited her to my house for dinner. On a previous occasion, she inquired as to how my wife died and also took the opportunity to ask if I had any medical issues. I replied that I have a annual physical (in August) to include a complete blood work-up and I'm not on any medications. She obviously doubted my response as she later used my master bathroom and took the opportunity to go through the medicine cabinet to verify said claim. How do I know this? She came out of the bathroom and told me. BL - there was no date five!!
L_S
That's crazy! I'm 50, too, and starting on-line dating. Don't hate it, but I've been on more blah dates than interesting ones. I would so much prefer to meet someone in person, accidentally or someone that I see periodically, but life is pretty busy for that to happen, I guess.
BTW OP - Match and OKC are pretty decent. I never used the quick "swipe" apps.
Completely agree with you on both fronts. Like yourself, I'd prefer to meet someone by happenstance. Also, I'm not really into the swipe apps either. POF and OKC are more of my speed as I prefer "quality versus quantity"...
L_S
Anonymous wrote:They really suck, to be honest. I actually met my current boyfriend on Bumble but it took abut a year of running into him in random places wth friends that I really got interested in him. Just expect dozens of bad dates, but at least you get free drinks/food if you're a girl and conversation practice. I've met a lot of weirdos.
+1... I recently joined the ranks of online dating about a year ago and I despise it with a passion. Being an "old-school" type of guy from the South, I prefer face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball engagements as I rely heavily on gut-feel; not to mention, I have a very outgoing personality and pride myself on being a good conversationalist.
Being widowed for the past three years, let me share that learning to date all over again at the "ripe old age" of 50 is tough on numerous fronts. I'll share one story that comes to mind. I was on my fourth date with a very nice lady and invited her to my house for dinner. On a previous occasion, she inquired as to how my wife died and also took the opportunity to ask if I had any medical issues. I replied that I have a annual physical (in August) to include a complete blood work-up and I'm not on any medications. She obviously doubted my response as she later used my master bathroom and took the opportunity to go through the medicine cabinet to verify said claim. How do I know this? She came out of the bathroom and told me. BL - there was no date five!!
L_S
Anonymous wrote:Dates are not therapy sessions. You are sitting there with a stranger assessing what you have in common. Later if you start a relationship you can share some of the uglier past. Early dates are not the time.
You also don't have to be "successful" to be attractive to a man. Your tone suggests that you have quite an ego about that, and that could also be putting men off. If you're cute and make him feel good, that's all he needs.
While I completely agree with your comment that men don't need a woman to be "successful to be attractive", I tend to disagree with your comment pertaining to "that's all he <men> needs"... While I can't speak for the rest of the male populace, I know that I need more. Being widowed at the age of 48 and just recently re-entering the dating scene just a year ago, I'm looking for a partner, not just a cutey that continually blows sunshine my way. Furthermore, I'm not put off if someone wants to share their past and truth be told, I consider it rather useful as it provides valuable insight as to how they handled stress, financial problems, communication issues, sex, etc, etc.
L_S
OP -
I think there may be a deeper problem, at least IMO. I never needed to be reminded and never forgot an event. While I'm currently widowed (three years) and learning how to date again at 50 y/o, I was happily married for 16+ years and doted on my wife every opportunity that arose as I thoroughly enjoyed showing her that I sincerely appreciated everything she did for me (and it was a lot!!). I would decorate her office for her birthdays, always made plans for our anniversary (not over the top, but always something) and would even reach out to her son a few days in advance to remind him of Mother's Day or his Mom's b'day. IMO, "Relationships are like plants, they need constant nurturing if they are to thrive..."
I think there may be a deeper problem, at least IMO. I never needed to be reminded and never forgot an event. While I'm currently widowed (three years) and learning how to date again at 50 y/o, I was happily married for 16+ years and doted on my wife every opportunity that arose as I thoroughly enjoyed showing her that I sincerely appreciated everything she did for me (and it was a lot!!). I would decorate her office for her birthdays, always made plans for our anniversary (not over the top, but always something) and would even reach out to her son a few days in advance to remind him of Mother's Day or his Mom's b'day. IMO, "Relationships are like plants, they need constant nurturing if they are to thrive..."
Anonymous wrote:A guy is a piece of shit for ruling out a woman based on her weight but it's OK for a woman to write off a guy for his height?
Happens all of the time...
L_S
OP: There is no reason why you shouldn't go as you've already agreed to such. At any point during the evening that you aren't enjoying yourself, feel free to politely excuse yourself and head home to the safety of your own abode. Being a relative newbie to the dating scene, nothing worse than canceling at the minute.
L_S
L_S