Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Lonely_Sojourner wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am returning to the dating scene after some years of marriage. Do men expect women to be wearing sexy lingerie if a good date leads to some intimacy?

Welcome to the party as misery loves company!! Yes, from's a man's perspective, I certainly appreciate a bit of effort when the lady I'm with wears a matched set of bra/panties as certainly sets the mood... It doesn't have to be Journelle or Intimissi, so don't go broke...

OK, it is really weird to me that a man would know lingerie brands.

I agree. That can’t be a man.

Hate to disappoint you all; however, I'm all (straight) man and a bit creative. Let me explain, I took pics of the bra/panty tags that she would bring home as that told me: designer, size, style, etc. Yes, I truly enjoyed doting on her for the 17 years of our marriage as our relationship was nothing short of utopia. I have to share that I simply do not understand some of these comments. I bought her a set of Mikimoto Pearls for our 10-year anniversary, am I wrong for knowing quality labels, designers in the jewelry arena as well? I'm just a simple guy from the South that truly loved his wife and took every opportunity to ensure she knew such each and every day. Perhaps some of you might consider taking a page from my playbook as life can change in an instant. Tomorrow is not guaranteed...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am returning to the dating scene after some years of marriage. Do men expect women to be wearing sexy lingerie if a good date leads to some intimacy?

I find it hard to believe anyone over the age of 22 needs to ask this question. You don't need to be wearing crotchless panties and thigh highs, but if you think you might be getting undressed later, for god's sake put some thought into it. Journelle for instance just has lots of nice everyday underwear. I have this in a few colors and would wear something like this on an every day basis (going to the store, school etc). I know not everyone can get away with something like this every day, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know you should wear something like this on a date.

https://www.journelle.com/products/journelle-isabel-balconette-bra-104821?color=1009

That works just fine for me... Classy, not over the top...

Anonymous wrote:

Lonely_Sojourner wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am returning to the dating scene after some years of marriage. Do men expect women to be wearing sexy lingerie if a good date leads to some intimacy?

Welcome to the party as misery loves company!! Yes, from's a man's perspective, I certainly appreciate a bit of effort when the lady I'm with wears a matched set of bra/panties as certainly sets the mood... It doesn't have to be Journelle or Intimissi, so don't go broke...

OK, it is really weird to me that a man would know lingerie brands.

Really? Currently widowed (47 y/o); however, I was married for 17 years and bought my wife several sets. She certainly seemed to appreciate her husband doting on her NTL, I'm sure she was in the minority.

Anonymous wrote:I am returning to the dating scene after some years of marriage. Do men expect women to be wearing sexy lingerie if a good date leads to some intimacy?

Welcome to the party as misery loves company!! Yes, from's a man's perspective, I certainly appreciate a bit of effort when the lady I'm with wears a matched set of bra/panties as certainly sets the mood... It doesn't have to be Journelle or Intimissi, so don't go broke...

Anonymous wrote:I think she is screwing you.

-Far East Asian guy

- A white guy that has lived in 5 countries throughout Asia for ~15 years...

+1

Anonymous wrote:Church.

Thank you for suggesting such, I have explored a bit as I go to an Episcopal Church 1/2x a month. As you may expect, the congregation is comprised of many, many families with very few divorced ladies and the widowers are 10, 20 years my senior. All suggestions welcome...

Anonymous wrote:

Lonely_Sojourner wrote:

Anonymous wrote:38, here is where I always see and meet men that approach me

- walking dogs
- grocery store
- Home Depot
- beer festivals
- sports bars when local games are on
- apartment buildings (single men in 30s rent)

But my most popular place for meeting single men?
A regular restaurant, but sit at the bar/counter... and do it during a weeknight. We are both off of work, too tired to cook, like the same dish, start up convo. Chances are they’re local if they’re eating at Cafe Asia at 7pm on a Tuesday.

Thank you for the detailed response. Clearly, I need to broaden my dating venues to accommodate your suggestions. Being from the South, I tend to be a bit of an old-fashion type. Further, being widowed doesn't help either...

I'm sorry for your loss. Truly though have you tried widow/er support groups? Maybe you could meet someone going through the same experience.

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions... Let me share that I 've been widowed for ~ 5 years ago and while I didn't do the support groups, I did go to counseling for at least 6 months. Further, it was well over a year before I began dating again as I just wasn't ready and didn't feel it was fair to bring someone into my life (or me into theirs) until I was ready. Being married for 17 years, starting over or "re-branding" was quite a challenge as dating has changed significantly since my wife had dated.

Anonymous wrote:

Lonely_Sojourner wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends are married.

Try the gym. Always lots of men there.

Guy here... Would a woman not find it creepy to be approached at a gym? While I have seen many great-looking ladies at my gym, I have only admired from afar and never pursued such out of respect... Am I too old-school?

I am an attractive woman who would love to be asked out by any of a number of men whom I see (or talk to) regularly at the gym.

I congratulate you for having such a positive attitude. Being widowed at 48 and a bit old-fashioned, I'm not sure that is the best venue for me to approach a stranger. Hell, just my luck, I'd approach the wrong lady and she would either report me to management or call the cops!!

Anonymous wrote:38, here is where I always see and meet men that approach me

- walking dogs
- grocery store
- Home Depot
- beer festivals
- sports bars when local games are on
- apartment buildings (single men in 30s rent)

But my most popular place for meeting single men?
A regular restaurant, but sit at the bar/counter... and do it during a weeknight. We are both off of work, too tired to cook, like the same dish, start up convo. Chances are they’re local if they’re eating at Cafe Asia at 7pm on a Tuesday.

Thank you for the detailed response. Clearly, I need to broaden my dating venues to accommodate your suggestions. Being from the South, I tend to be a bit of an old-fashion type. Further, being widowed doesn't help either...

Anonymous wrote:All my friends are married.

Try the gym. Always lots of men there.

Guy here... Would a woman not find it creepy to be approached at a gym? While I have seen many great-looking ladies at my gym, I have only admired from afar and never pursued such out of respect... Am I too old-school?

OP -

What you are feeling is very, very normal. Widower here as my wife of 17 years died ~5 years ago. Let me share that I not only lost my wife, I also lost my best friend. To provide some context of our relationship, we rode to work together, ate lunch together, rode home together and of course, ate dinner together every day for the majority of our marriage. From my experience, the journey you're facing is more of a marathon, not a sprint. Further, this "marathon" has many hurdles you will be faced with and getting over your spouse is just one of many. Making the decision to date, actually going on a date, holding hands, kissing, other intimate situations, etc. To me, these are all hurdles that can be rather daunting at times. I was ~47 when my wife died and it was well over a year before I began dating as all I did was work and go home. In some respects, it was a bit easier as we didn't have any kids. As you are acutely aware, dating has changed significantly over the years and I certainly have had my share of "dating woes" just as everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:Pick your favorite ideas welcome.

A . Bowling
B. Zoo
C. Art museum
D. Indoor rock climbing
E. Kareoke
F. Cooking class

52/M - Cooking Class....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies who met their man on Bumble, what did your profile say? What do you say in your messagings to your matches? Was this recently? I joined 2 weeks ago, and match people, and start a convo, but then it’s crickets.

I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong??

Ask a guy, your brother, a girfriend's husband, to look at your profile.

Not a bad idea

High chance that he will give you an anodyne white knight "you're beautiful and perfect" answer rather than the honest truth.

Post your profile on the bumble subreddit and you'll get a better critique.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/

I like that idea... I’m perfectly fine with feedback or constructive criticism and reddit is as good as any site for such..

L_S

Anonymous wrote:Never. Another person to take care of, a man for my children to have to adjust to, possibly with kids who are strangers to them?

And the financial risks?

No.

“Never” is a long time...

“Another person to take care of”. Another way of looking at this would be “another person to take care of you”. I’ll share that your kids will not be around forever...

“a man for my children to have to adjust to, possibly with kids who are strangers to them?”. Kids are resilient. While my wife was a single mom when we dated, I took the role of “Uncle R” with her son and was very upfront with him that I was NOT a replacement for his father. We established parameters and I never injected myself in between them without being asked.

“And the financial risks?” This is, by far, the biggest hurdle to such... Starting over at our age is tough as most of us have assets that we’ve worked hard to accrue and don’t want to lose them if we want to retire at a reasonable age...

L_S

Being widowed at 48 after 17 years of marriage, I’d marry again if the situation were right. Granted, I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend and our relationship was nothing short of utopia. A foreign concept to many of the respondents on this site, as I’m learning. Never in all of my years of being married did I ever want or wish my wife was anywhere other than by my side. I will share that there is nothing I wouldn’t give to have her back for one more day. If nothing else to share with her how important she was to me. For those that think “the grass is always greener”, I beg to differ.

L_S