Why can't you just get right down to the heart of a relationship on a first date? It would go so much quicker if you could ask/share all the deal breaker questions up front. Why waste time with someone that for whatever the deal breaker is, is not going to work.
Questions like: What do you want out of a relationship? Where do you want to be in 5/10/20 years--job wise, family wise, location wise How do you feel about kids? How much emotional baggage are you bringing to the table? What is it? How much financial baggage are you bringing to the relationship? How do you view religion? How did you spend Easter/Rosh Hashana/(insert other major religious holiday) What are your views on American politics? What are your views on money? Are you a saver or a spender? What do you enjoy doing with your free time? Once you get the big questions out of the way, then you can quickly decide if you want to pursue a relationship. |
I was just thinking that there's nothing worse than going on a first date with someone who treats you like a candidate at a job interview. What every happened to the art of conversation? People have become so witless and dull.
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Because I know what I want. And if you don't meet the big criteria, the little stuff doesn't matter. After the interview, if the big stuff doesn't match, then I'm happy to become friends without benefits and I'll converse with you till the cows come home. I'll also probably only see you once every two or three months as my schedule permits. |
There has to be a good sexual connection. Nothing is more significant, |
About the second question you'd find yourself alone. I would never, under any circumstances, be your friend. And would reluctantly recognize you as an acquaintance. Every few months? Try never. |
These are the kind of questions that go on an online dating questioneer. |
+1 I know someone who had a list like this and "interviewed" for a wife. He married the woman who answered all his questions "correctly". They are divorced now and had a horrible marriage with lots of drama. They were both nuts so you would think it was a match made in heaven but apparently not. |
How would you develop any level of chemistry or respect from an "interview"? Further, it's not uncommon that you adopt some of your spouses / SO's views or beliefs in lieu of your own, especially if they are from a different culture. That is the beauty of being part of a couple, you share all kinds of things. I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend (16 years) until she died of cancer. Over time, I saw that some of her beliefs were far better than my own (she was Asian). L_S |
This sounds like the most miserable first date ever. |
You missed the key question - one I always ask straight away. |
Lame first date. The big stuff matters but the big is easy to find. Chemistry is what's hard. Once you've established the chemistry, some of those questions become workable. |
+1 It's amazing how many those "requirements" become flexible when things actually click. |
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100% match...let's do it! |
My sexual connections don't always happen on the first date. |