Men, is it true that you prefer successful women who have already solved their own problems?

[Anonymous]

I think I had an epiphany a couple of days ago: after a long and troubled marriage I am once again ready for a new relationship. During a series of dates I realized that it is much better not to come across as fragile and emotionally needy. It was seemingly better to flaunt my financial success instead. Revealing any anxieties or insecurities seemed to scare the guy off.

So, men, is it true that you prefer successful, independent women who would not rely on you to solve their problems? If yes, this would mean that basically women would need to work out their issues on their own before they can be regarded as desirable partner material.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about the men (I'm a woman), but I definitely remember when that switch flipped for me in my 20s. I realized I had plenty of my own shit to deal with, and was dealing with it, thank you, and I did not need a "project" anymore.

I also realized that brooding, drinking, self-flagellating, living-in-the-past-type people are sexy in teen romances, but suck if you ever want to just enjoy your life.

So, yes, nice, well-adjusted, successful guys exist, and they want the same in a partner.

[Anonymous]

I suspect that you were giving TMI about your previous marriage and it's problems and that turned men off. Doubt anyone cares about your financial success.

[Anonymous]

Prefer successful? No. Keeps a lid on her problems? Yes. Of course, some people count kids as problems, but that can't be helped.

[Anonymous]

you shouldn't be "emotionally needy" on the first date or until quite a few dates. doesn't mean you should be talking about your financial success though. just be your best self.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. Women who can address and solve their own problems are more attractive than those that cannot.

[Anonymous]

I find fragile, hurt and emotionally needy women hot. I don't find women who were married to arrogant a-holes or cheaters hot, because ultimately that is who they will seek out again.

[Anonymous]

Did you really think showing your insecurities was going to be seen as attractive? You are joking right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I had an epiphany a couple of days ago: after a long and troubled marriage I am once again ready for a new relationship. During a series of dates I realized that it is much better not to come across as fragile and emotionally needy. It was seemingly better to flaunt my financial success instead. Revealing any anxieties or insecurities seemed to scare the guy off.

So, men, is it true that you prefer successful, independent women who would not rely on you to solve their problems? If yes, this would mean that basically women would need to work out their issues on their own before they can be regarded as desirable partner material.

I can't imagine any male or female who wouldn't be attracted to a successful and confident person as opposed to a fragile, needy person. What's attractive about a needy person who can't solve problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I had an epiphany a couple of days ago: after a long and troubled marriage I am once again ready for a new relationship. During a series of dates I realized that it is much better not to come across as fragile and emotionally needy. It was seemingly better to flaunt my financial success instead. Revealing any anxieties or insecurities seemed to scare the guy off.

So, men, is it true that you prefer successful, independent women who would not rely on you to solve their problems? If yes, this would mean that basically women would need to work out their issues on their own before they can be regarded as desirable partner material.

I can't imagine any male or female who wouldn't be attracted to a successful and confident person as opposed to a fragile, needy person. What's attractive about a needy person who can't solve problems?

You're silly. Women are natural caretakers and love to try to fix broken men. This is the most common theme on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I had an epiphany a couple of days ago: after a long and troubled marriage I am once again ready for a new relationship. During a series of dates I realized that it is much better not to come across as fragile and emotionally needy. It was seemingly better to flaunt my financial success instead. Revealing any anxieties or insecurities seemed to scare the guy off.

So, men, is it true that you prefer successful, independent women who would not rely on you to solve their problems? If yes, this would mean that basically women would need to work out their issues on their own before they can be regarded as desirable partner material.

You need to strike a balance between sobbing on dates and only talking about your portfolio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that you were giving TMI about your previous marriage and it's problems and that turned men off. Doubt anyone cares about your financial success.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Dates are not therapy sessions. You are sitting there with a stranger assessing what you have in common. Later if you start a relationship you can share some of the uglier past. Early dates are not the time.

You also don't have to be "successful" to be attractive to a man. Your tone suggests that you have quite an ego about that, and that could also be putting men off. If you're cute and make him feel good, that's all he needs.

[Anonymous]

I like women who are low drama. I suspect most men do. I make money, I don't care about a woman's finances as long as they don't have a lot of debt, especially if they wanted money on designer stuff.

[Anonymous]

Strong women are not good for marriage