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Anonymous wrote:
She was making ~$140K working for a large international corp located in DC and yet, was having to drive Uber on the weekends to make ends meet. A



This does not make any sense - at many levels


I completely agree as it made no sense to me either until I began to look into her finances. Being a trained financial analyst, she asked me to take a look at her monthly spending to see if I could assist in some way. Within 10 minutes, it was quite easy for me to assess her problem. She was spending too much for her basic needs. For instance, shopping for last minute groceries at CVS seemed to be the norm versus the exception.

L_S
Anonymous wrote:OP--I'm so sorry for your loss. Online dating is not for everyone. It's a lot like going to the bars used to be for us. You would go out and see if there was anyone that caught your eye and you would walk over and talk to that person.....maybe you walked away with their number.

Online dating is a lot like that except you don't have to go to the bar. You find a person that is attractive to you and you start a conversation. If its seems to be going well, you exchange numbers and eventually meet in person.

The problem with this is that the entire "transaction" takes much longer than the old way. People may not respond immediately and the initial get to know you can take a week or longer before you decide to finally meet.

The other thing that I've found is that my definition of attractive has changed. Let's me honest....I'm 45. I no longer have perky boobs, rock hard abs, and the youthful glow of an 18yr old. In my mind however, I think that's exactly what I look like . This carries over into what I'm looking for.....I still think I'm looking for that really cute 18yr old guy with the full head of dark hair, the broad shoulders, the swagger that comes with the innocence of youth. Then when I look at a 50+ profile, of course I'm disappointed.

Now at our age, we both know that looks aren't everything. But that's how online dating starts the process. If I were to meet the same man at an event, I would probably happily chat with him. Maybe it will go somewhere and maybe it won't. But by being at an event together, we already have a common platform to springboard the conversation. If we're getting along, it might be natural to continue the conversation after the event is over. And if I don't meet someone at an event, at least I've had a nice night out doing something that I enjoy. But online, it's way to easy just to ignore someone that isn't physically attractive off the bat to you.

I've found that internet dating sucks. I've met one or two people that I've gone out with 4-5x but it just sort of fizzled. My advice is to go to events that you enjoy and just expand your circle of friends. Who knows who you might meet.


I really appreciate your taking the time to respond with such pertinent/detailed information - thank you!!

You are 100% correct in that all of our bodies have aged (albeit gracefully) over time and mine is certainly no exception. If we ever meet IRL, remind me to share the first time that I was naked in front of another woman that wasn't my wife, not the pretty sight that I once was by any stretch. I'm also not the type to chase a 25-30 y.o. chickie as I'm looking for a partner that can call me out when I'm wrong or someone that is not shy about speaking up if they see a better solution to a problem. My (limited) experience is that ladies that young do not possess enough life's experiences. While I have above-average intelligence, I certainly realize that I'm far from perfect and very amenable to other people's views as I do not always see things. I like your idea about expanding my external activities and trying that approach. I love to travel, snow -ski and I also play tennis, so there are enough opportunities to explore possibilities. You are also correct in that internet dating takes a lot longer and is significantly more time consuming. And the consummate problem is that it may/may not work out...


Anonymous wrote:OP--I'm so sorry for your loss. Online dating is not for everyone. It's a lot like going to the bars used to be for us. You would go out and see if there was anyone that caught your eye and you would walk over and talk to that person.....maybe you walked away with their number.

Online dating is a lot like that except you don't have to go to the bar. You find a person that is attractive to you and you start a conversation. If its seems to be going well, you exchange numbers and eventually meet in person.

The problem with this is that the entire "transaction" takes much longer than the old way. People may not respond immediately and the initial get to know you can take a week or longer before you decide to finally meet.

The other thing that I've found is that my definition of attractive has changed. Let's me honest....I'm 45. I no longer have perky boobs, rock hard abs, and the youthful glow of an 18yr old. In my mind however, I think that's exactly what I look like . This carries over into what I'm looking for.....I still think I'm looking for that really cute 18yr old guy with the full head of dark hair, the broad shoulders, the swagger that comes with the innocence of youth. Then when I look at a 50+ profile, of course I'm disappointed.

Now at our age, we both know that looks aren't everything. But that's how online dating starts the process. If I were to meet the same man at an event, I would probably happily chat with him. Maybe it will go somewhere and maybe it won't. But by being at an event together, we already have a common platform to springboard the conversation. If we're getting along, it might be natural to continue the conversation after the event is over. And if I don't meet someone at an event, at least I've had a nice night out doing something that I enjoy. But online, it's way to easy just to ignore someone that isn't physically attractive off the bat to you.

I've found that internet dating sucks. I've met one or two people that I've gone out with 4-5x but it just sort of fizzled. My advice is to go to events that you enjoy and just expand your circle of friends. Who knows who you might meet.


I really appreciate your taking the time to respond with such pertinent/detailed information - thank you!!

You are 100% correct in that all of our bodies have aged (albeit gracefully) over time and mine is certainly no exception. If we ever meet IRL, remind me to share the first time that I was naked in front of another woman that wasn't my wife, not the pretty sight that I once was by any stretch. I'm also not the type to chase a 25-30 y.o. chickie as I'm looking for a partner that can call me out when I'm wrong or someone that is not shy about speaking up if they see a better solution to a problem. My (limited) experience is that ladies that young do not possess enough life's experiences. While I have above-average intelligence, I certainly realize that I'm far from perfect and very amenable to other people's views as I do not always see things. I like your idea about expanding my external activities and trying that approach. I love to travel, snow -ski and I also play tennis, so there are enough opportunities to explore possibilities. You are also correct in that internet dating takes a lot longer and is significantly more time consuming. And the consummate problem is that it may/may not work out...



Anonymous wrote:Perhaps, Internet dating isn't for you since you prefer interpersonal contact and it would be hard to perceive online if a woman is a match for your southern charm. Are you looking for someone in your age range? Someone without kids? Someone long-term? Short term?

You seem to have many great qualities and should have no problem finding a suitable partner. You may just have to put yourself out there and get involved in some activities or groups so you can meet new people.


Thank you as well for responding. I'm open to dating ladies with or without kids and I am not hell-bent on age either. My last relationship was with a single mom with three kids and she was in her late thirties. We dated for 4-5 months and the primary reason that I broke up with her was over her poor financial situation and the fact she couldn't manage money. She was making ~$140K working for a large international corp located in DC and yet, was having to drive Uber on the weekends to make ends meet. Another issue that didn't sit well with me was the fact that she was sacrificing spending time with her kids to spend time with me. In my view, kids come first.

I completely agree with you as I'm a bit shocked over the problems I'm having and I'm quickly realizing that internet dating is basically a numbers game; you have to "play if you want to win"... Being a strategic thinker and a long-range type of guy, I'm much more suited for long-term relationships. For example, I was married for 16 years and prior to being married, I was in a relationship for ~9 years.

L_S
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Just going by your post, it appears that you want to fit another woman in the space that your wife left and I would not find that attractive. This is a time to reinvent yourself somewhat (e.g. why live in a 5-bdr house?).



Thank you for taking the time to respond. Based upon my post, I can see why you'd say that I am just looking for another woman to fall in on the existing void. In a matter of speak, I am. Let me ask, since I have already had a great relationship once, should I now lower my standards and just resolve myself to the fact that being in love doesn't strike twice? That I should just accept that relationships of today are void of connection and chemistry? Let me also share that the reason for the large house is for investment purposes. I can explain further via PM, if interested...

L_S
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

What is your result? Little interest? Wrong types of people? Why do you think you're doing something wrong?

Internet is not for dating; it's for getting in touch with people you wouldn't meet otherwise. Quite nifty. No reason why you can't switch to calls or meet rather quickly, if there's interest.


Thank you for the kind words. Sometimes, it's little interest, other times it’s the wrong type. I get so frustrated that I turn off my profile for months at time. I have even had other ladies read my profile for advice so as to provide feedback and that hasn't helped. Let me state that my interest are rather varied. While I'm a sports-minded type of guy, I'm just as comfortable at the Kennedy Center as I would be at a Nat's game.

Your point is valid on the true purpose/value of internet dating and maybe I need to manage my expectations. I will give that some thought...

L_S
Folks,

Need some advice and this is as good a place as any (I think)... Here we go: My wife of 16 years, died of cancer approximately three years ago and at ripe old age of 49, I have found myself thrust back into the dating scene and hating every minute of it. For those of the younger crowd, let me digress a bit and share that dating ~20 years ago was considerable different than of today. Internet dating was embryonic at best and singles had to rely on their interpersonal skills to find suitable dates/partners (that means actually conversing with someone "eyeball-to-eyeball", not via keyboard). Needless to say, dating has radically changed over the years. And let me share that I think I have a decent package to bring to the table; I'm far from broke as I have an established career (Executive for a large Defense Corporation), I have a 5-bedroom house (with no kids), possess all of my teeth and hair and I'm not on any medication for anything (which as I understand it, is a rarity these days). I am a bit "old-school" and also being raised in the South (Roll Tide!!), I'm a firm believer that chivalry is not dead as I still open doors, assist ladies with their jackets, etc (another rarity, as I understand it).

I thoroughly enjoyed being married and was fortunate enough to marry my best friend as our relationship was nothing short of utopia. We shared everything and while both of us were far from perfect, we never judged each other. I even took this topic to my mom (yes, she's very progressive and doesn't hold back) so as to get a different perspective and her theory is that I'll never be able to find a spouse in the DC area as everyone is focused on a "Career-First, Relationship-Second" model. There is some truth to this just by living in the Nation's Capital and the people that live/work here. Yet, I refuse to believe that all of the single ladies fall into this model. On that note, I continually question myself on what am I doing wrong? Am I the only one having a hard time with internet dating? Is the internet the only way to date or find a spouse these days?

Enough details to assess my situation - fire away...
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