Am I being a bitch?

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[Post New]04/26/2017 22:47
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Anonymous
If you have to ask.....
[Post New]04/26/2017 23:02
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?


Ok you are in the right, but I don't think he will change, and he's like my DH in that the moment the task is over, he is onto something else--he forgets to clean up, in a sense. My DH cannot seem to put his wallet or keys in the same spot, it doesn't matter if I make a special spot or hook for him, it doesn't work (which if you don't have a DH like this, you will find this very hard to believe).

As for the issue of him thinking you have more flexibility because you are part-time...don't even go down that path OP. Only because it won't get you anywhere; trust me, I'm a SAHM and feel like I do an 18 hr a day shift and everyone thinks I'm lying around all day. They have no idea and no amount of trying will get them to understand.

So in the spirit of having a happy marriage, I'd work with what you have, rather than try and fix him.

What I would do is have your real purse with the stuff you need, and then have something laying around for him to grab. Or, hide your purse so he might as well get up and find his wallet rather than trying to find your purse.

Also, don't know if you can get him to do this, but I have one credit card memorized (including the expriration date and the four digit code) so when I'm at my computer I can buy something and not have to find my purse.

Finally, OP, I don't think the issue is "invasion of privacy" and I don't think that is a persuasive argument to hit him with. "Invasion of privacy" brings up a bunch of baggage regarding trust, and this is not your issue. Yours is just a practical issue, kind of like kids in a bathroom--"stay off my side" so you can have order with respect to your stuff.
[Post New]04/27/2017 09:53
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Anonymous
You're obviously not being a bitch. You asked him repeatedly to stop going through your purse and he hasn't listened, plus he has caused you serious inconvenience on more than one occasion and it sounds like not apologized for it. Is he that disrespectful of you and your time in other areas of your relationship as well?

On a practical level you've gotten good advice to hide your purse so it's easier for him to look for his own wallet than to find yours, and have more than one credit card so if he takes one you still have a backup at the grocery store.
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:09
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Anonymous
I think you're in the right and this would drive me absolutely bonkers. I think you should buy a few Tiles for him to help him keep track of his keys and wallet. The passport thing is weird- why would he need that? Did he just think you shouldn't be walking around with it?
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:12
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Anonymous
You aren't being a bitch. I'd be pissed too.

However, I also think that he is probably not being disrespectful. This is based on my own propensity to do something like buy something late at night and not put my own credit card back in my purse. I respect myself, I just get distracted and tired, etc. I've gone to the store, etc. before and found out I left them at home.

I have zero issues with my DH in my purse, but my kids know is off-limits (for one reason, I taught them this because there are meds, etc. in there). DH would absolutely bring my purse to me if he wanted something out of it, not because his momma raised him right but he can never find anything in there.
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:14
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Anonymous
(10:12 here -- also forgot to mention I would probably take the kid back to the doctor, but I'd expect something like him to arrange a date night to someplace I like to "pay me back" with something fun for the inconvenience. During which I wouldn't mention his transgression of course.
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:30
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Lonely_Sojourner
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?


In 16 years of marriage, I never, ever went through my wife's purse. Even if she asked me to get something out of it, I would go get it and bring it to her. Sadly, my wife died three years ago and I had to go through her wallet for the first time, I might add. Even then I still felt as though that I was invading her privacy...
Suggestion - go through his wallet...

LS
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:41
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You aren't being a bitch. I'd be pissed too.

However, I also think that he is probably not being disrespectful. This is based on my own propensity to do something like buy something late at night and not put my own credit card back in my purse. I respect myself, I just get distracted and tired, etc. I've gone to the store, etc. before and found out I left them at home.

I have zero issues with my DH in my purse, but my kids know is off-limits (for one reason, I taught them this because there are meds, etc. in there). DH would absolutely bring my purse to me if he wanted something out of it, not because his momma raised him right but he can never find anything in there.


He's being disrespectful because he keeps doing something she asked him not to, and by creating unpleasant situations repeatedly for his wife.
[Post New]04/27/2017 10:47
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Anonymous
Guys, it's not that he "didn't have permission."

She expressly DENIED him permission and he still did went through her purse!

That is not okay!

[Post New]04/27/2017 13:35
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Anonymous
Lonely_Sojourner wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?


In 16 years of marriage, I never, ever went through my wife's purse. Even if she asked me to get something out of it, I would go get it and bring it to her. Sadly, my wife died three years ago and I had to go through her wallet for the first time, I might add. Even then I still felt as though that I was invading her privacy...
Suggestion - go through his wallet...

LS


Very sorry about your wife.

I'm a wife too (13 years and counting) and I don't mind if my husband goes through my purse or wallet. He would never dig around for no reason though, but if he needs money or my credit card, he's more than welcome to get it (if only so I don't have to get up and do it for him!). Same with him- I don't rifle through his wallet for no reason, but if I need cash or whatever, I am free to get it. However, we ALWAYS tell each other what we are doing, esp. if it involves money, so the other person isn't surprised.

OP, if you told him no and he still did it...yes, you have the right to be mad!
[Post New]04/27/2017 14:49
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Lonely_Sojourner
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Lonely_Sojourner wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?


In 16 years of marriage, I never, ever went through my wife's purse. Even if she asked me to get something out of it, I would go get it and bring it to her. Sadly, my wife died three years ago and I had to go through her wallet for the first time, I might add. Even then I still felt as though that I was invading her privacy...
Suggestion - go through his wallet...

LS


Very sorry about your wife.

I'm a wife too (13 years and counting) and I don't mind if my husband goes through my purse or wallet. He would never dig around for no reason though, but if he needs money or my credit card, he's more than welcome to get it (if only so I don't have to get up and do it for him!). Same with him- I don't rifle through his wallet for no reason, but if I need cash or whatever, I am free to get it. However, we ALWAYS tell each other what we are doing, esp. if it involves money, so the other person isn't surprised.

OP, if you told him no and he still did it...yes, you have the right to be mad!



PP: Thank you for the your kind words and congrats on 13 years; a bit of a rarity these days. We had a trusting, loving relationship and respected each other's boundaries. Like you and your DH, we always discussed financial matters ahead of time, not after the fact.

LS

[Post New]04/27/2017 23:08
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My husband works full-time, and I work part-time plus take care the majority of life's choirs. My husband has a bad habit of going in my purse, which annoys me to know end. I will go to the store and find I have no money or credit card because he has gone in my purse and taken it, etc. I find going in my purse to be an invasion of my privacy and have mentioned it multiple times. This latest time he went in my purse and took out my daughters passport. I had it in my purse because I had to take her to the doctor, and couldn't find her insurance card and the doctor needed id to take her without the card. When I got there I realized my husband took it out of my purse and we had to reschedule her appointment. I told him he would need to take her to the next appointment. He says he is busy with work and I'm being unreasonable and selfish, since I have more schedule flexibility. I feel he should do it because he frequently causes me to waste my time in the midst of my household "work". For instance trips to the store only to find I have no way to pay because he has my form of payment. I feel my time and work is not being respected. What say you?

While I do agree with you that he is invading your space/privacy I do believe that given the situation your assumptions are on you. Knowing what he does why would you assume you have what you need?
[Post New]04/28/2017 18:34
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Anonymous
I have my own card and my husband has his own. We also have a separate one for our business account and one for our vacation account. It would never occur to either of us to do this.
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