Men, is it true that you prefer successful women who have already solved their own problems?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]04/17/2017 07:50
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Anonymous
Emotionally healthy people seek out other emotionally healthy people as partners. And broken people are attracted to other broken people. You should work on any issues you have to be ready to pair up with someone who is emotionally healthy as well.
[Post New]04/17/2017 08:22
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Lonely_Sojourner
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Anonymous wrote:Dates are not therapy sessions. You are sitting there with a stranger assessing what you have in common. Later if you start a relationship you can share some of the uglier past. Early dates are not the time.

You also don't have to be "successful" to be attractive to a man. Your tone suggests that you have quite an ego about that, and that could also be putting men off. If you're cute and make him feel good, that's all he needs.


While I completely agree with your comment that men don't need a woman to be "successful to be attractive", I tend to disagree with your comment pertaining to "that's all he <men> needs"... While I can't speak for the rest of the male populace, I know that I need more. Being widowed at the age of 48 and just recently re-entering the dating scene just a year ago, I'm looking for a partner, not just a cutey that continually blows sunshine my way. Furthermore, I'm not put off if someone wants to share their past and truth be told, I consider it rather useful as it provides valuable insight as to how they handled stress, financial problems, communication issues, sex, etc, etc.

L_S
[Post New]04/17/2017 09:22
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Emotionally healthy people seek out other emotionally healthy people as partners. And broken people are attracted to other broken people. You should work on any issues you have to be ready to pair up with someone who is emotionally healthy as well.


A lie. Desperate people tolerate more baggage in other people, is all. Everyone _wants_ emotionally healthy people.
[Post New]04/17/2017 09:51
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Anonymous
Lonely_Sojourner wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dates are not therapy sessions. You are sitting there with a stranger assessing what you have in common. Later if you start a relationship you can share some of the uglier past. Early dates are not the time.

You also don't have to be "successful" to be attractive to a man. Your tone suggests that you have quite an ego about that, and that could also be putting men off. If you're cute and make him feel good, that's all he needs.


While I completely agree with your comment that men don't need a woman to be "successful to be attractive", I tend to disagree with your comment pertaining to "that's all he <men> needs"... While I can't speak for the rest of the male populace, I know that I need more. Being widowed at the age of 48 and just recently re-entering the dating scene just a year ago, I'm looking for a partner, not just a cutey that continually blows sunshine my way. Furthermore, I'm not put off if someone wants to share their past and truth be told, I consider it rather useful as it provides valuable insight as to how they handled stress, financial problems, communication issues, sex, etc, etc.

L_S


We are talking about the first couple of dates. Anyone who presents their financial portfolio but won't talk about anything emotional would be a red flag to me. I imagine that's how Trump used to date.
[Post New]04/17/2017 09:54
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Anonymous
Who the hell wants to clean up somebody else's mess or navigate somebody they just met thru whatever "As the World Turns" drama they got going on in their life?

I seriously doubt anyone - men or women - would prefer a fixer-upper to a ready-made partner.
[Post New]04/17/2017 09:55
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Anonymous
Two of the strangest first (and only) dates I ever had:

1) Guy, early 30s, ready to get married: essentially presented me with his financial portfolio and 5-year plan, then essentially offered me the "job" of mother to his children and DIL to his mother (after I had said about three words). I guess my resume made the cut.

2) Guy, mid-30s, divorced, who talked about nothing but how much he missed being married. Dude, you are not ready to move on.
[Post New]04/17/2017 09:58
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Anonymous
Paging Captain Obvious
[Post New]04/17/2017 16:02
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Anonymous
I think it is a mistake to try to counterbalance your neediness with a "successful" persona. You should not be flaunting anything.

I think the ideal is to be emotionally self-contained and humble. Humble enough to show vulnerability in a measured way and humble enough not to brag about your success as a badge of honor.

And this IS gendered. Men appreciate vulnerability and even a little self consciousness in women as long as it is not out of control. Men are not attracted to tough no nonsense women who walk around with affected bravado.
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:03
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Anonymous
There are two kinds of people: those with baggage, and good liars.
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:12
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:There are two kinds of people: those with baggage, and good liars.


Yeah, everyone has baggage, but that doesn't make everyone emotional and needy. There's a huge difference.
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:28
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Anonymous
Duh. Obviously people want mature, successfull and confident people. Confident people don't flaunt their success. Is any of this news to anyone?
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I suspect that you were giving TMI about your previous marriage and it's problems and that turned men off. Doubt anyone cares about your financial success.


Yup.



All men care about is how hot you are and how soon sex will be on the table. Showing confidence means you probably don't have hang ups about sex on early dates; needy and skittish, he probably won't see inside your apartment until double digit date.
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:42
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Duh. Obviously people want mature, successfull and confident people. Confident people don't flaunt their success. Is any of this news to anyone?


I wouldn't say I'm looking for a particularly confident woman, or a successful one, or one without baggage. Just one who keeps her problems to herself for a while.
[Post New]04/17/2017 17:55
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Two of the strangest first (and only) dates I ever had:

1) Guy, early 30s, ready to get married: essentially presented me with his financial portfolio and 5-year plan, then essentially offered me the "job" of mother to his children and DIL to his mother (after I had said about three words). I guess my resume made the cut.

2) Guy, mid-30s, divorced, who talked about nothing but how much he missed being married. Dude, you are not ready to move on.


That would be a very uncomfortable conversation, IMO.
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