PM me and I'll tell you. Cell phones require a different approach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.

I don't know if I would call this "Values" sounds like the setup for a sexless marriage and she is just getting him prepped

There will be plenty of sex if she wants to trap him by having a baby. Then none. The best advice you can give him is to get that vasectomy now.

$200k income, 30k credit card debt. What's that problem again?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's rude, but I like his catch phrase.

Sounds like the apartment isn't a good idea.

UGH. I am so sick of the "catch phrase." It was fine the first 100 times I heard it. Now it is used by people who think that they are more clever than they are.

Almost as bad as, Gaslighting

I've been with plenty of redheads and, they are no crazier or anything else than other women. I do like soft, thin, red public hair, and they tend to have very pink nipples. Otherwise, I have no hair color preference. Blonds, brunettes, redheads, all are just women. Some are crazier than others.

Yes, it's a perfect way to identify really gullible people who will believe most anything like, there are exactly 12 types of people in this world and your type depends entirely on the date you were born.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her drink herself to the clinic. Record everything on video. Give up on any emotional involvement. Give up on her immediately. This is not fixable. When you get rid of her, find someone normal if possible. Take care of your DD.

have to agree with this comment.

and the worst that can happen is not related to your relationship with your wife but your daughter can grow up filled with anger at the world because of living with a drunk for a mom. The impact on your DD will be very negative and last a lifetime.

If I could do it over, I would do whatever it takes to protect my children from these emotional scars. You can't fix it after years of living with an drunk for a parent.

so the rational advice is separate, rent a cheap apartment/condo/townhouse, back off on the job, get rid of any unnecessary expenses, and focus on getting your children into college. al-anon does not help, the health care system will not help, her relatives will not help, her friends will not help, no one can do it but the drunk, and they will lie, cheat, deceive, and yell/argue with you the entire time.

Sorry to say, I 100% agree with the above. The sooner you can get your daughter away from her and let her see what a normal family is like without living with an alcoholic parent, the better off she will be. Or, you can keep accepting the lies and promises of your alcoholic wife and be in this same position when your daughter is 10, or 12, or 16, with years of living with an alcoholic mother in a family situation that is insane. Get her away from that now.

He absolutely should take his DD and move out. He needs to get her away from the DW if in fact she is an alcoholic. There is no reason he can't do that. Let her scream and cry foul to everyone while he keeps the upper hand.

Get a cash advance on any joint credit card accounts, up to the credit limit. Before he does it. That will keep him from using those accounts as they will be at their credit limit and he is responsible for paying off those accounts, same as you (but you have the cash).

Talking to a lawyer is worthless. You have to act on your own first.

Anonymous wrote:He's not just a liar. He's gas lighting you, which makes him an abuser as well.

I'm sorry, OP. You're not crazy.

Damn, we came this close to getting past 2 pages without a gaslight. I knew it was too good to be true.

Seriously, what is wrong with you people suggesting she pick up his phone and answer it herself, or go snooping? Because his phone rang and he apparently wants to ignore it? BtW, if it was a call, it would keep ringing. One ring or vibrate is just a pesky notification. When you buy a new phone, ALL the damn notifications are enabled by default.

My phone would sound off all day long if I let it with notifications from e-mail to Facebook to pending weather and all kinds of crap. And yes, it even rings, and sometimes, I ignore it. There is no obligation to respond to every call or text. If the guy has a secret lover, I'm sure he knows how to be discreet, including silencing his phone.

Wife says to her husband, get a gallon of milk and if they have fresh bananas, get 6. He did exactly as she asked and came back with 6 gallons of milk because, they did indeed have fresh bananas.

I'm guessing your husband is some kind of engineer or other technical type?

Doesn't it suck when the ATM runs out of cash? Who can love that?

Bump

She isn't spending all that time on her phone playing games. She is very likely interacting with someone on a regular basis, all day long. If she's having an affair, the way she is treating you makes perfect sense.

When a man complains that his wife doesn't want to have sex anymore, where she once enjoyed it, that man needs to consider that maybe she still enjoys sex as much as ever, just not with him.

All these suggestions aside, nothing you do to charm her will make any difference if she is having an affair. Counseling will be a waste of time as she will just lie. Before trying to fix this, you need to rule out an affair without making her suspicious that your radar is up.

It could be an emotional affair that will lead to an actual physical affair. Right now, it's all communication and she isn't stepping out. Once she starts spending more time outside the house, working late, meeting her GF who is glad to cover for her (and they all will) then you will know.

Start by looking at her phone bill, if possible. How carefully does she guard her phone? Does she always lay it down, screen side down? Does she freely let you use it? Is it with her always, even in the bathroom, never unattended?

If all is innocent, maybe you should ask if you can join her in the Snapchat, Facebook, etc., fun. Just like you used to enjoy watching shows together. If this is her new thing, she should welcome you joining in. But I'm guessing she won't.

Out of 20 responses so far, 16 or 80% have chosen #1 while only 9, or 45% chose #4.

Only 5 of the 16 who chose #1 also chose #4.

Money seems to be more important than a good sex life to three times as many respondents.

#6 is a Unicorn. These creatures do not exist. Especially among the 2/3 of guys with a spouse who doesn't value a good sex life with her husband.

I'd be interested in reading anyone other analysis of this data.