Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend
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Anonymous
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A close friend of mine (guy) just found out his DW has cheated on him. I think he wants to work it out but is very angry. To compound the problem, he feels she has a drinking problem, but she does not agree with him.
She is willing to go to couples counseling for the marriage, but does not want to stop drinking. They have one six-year-old daughter. If it were not for her, he would move out, at least temporarily. But he will not leave his daughter. He is sleeping in the guest room. He is talking about taking her and renting an apt., but I don't think he can, right? Anyone BTDT and have some advice? TIA |
Anonymous
| Let her drink herself to the clinic. Record everything on video. Give up on any emotional involvement. Give up on her immediately. This is not fixable. When you get rid of her, find someone normal if possible. Take care of your DD. |
Anonymous
Well, like I said, this is for a good friend. He loves his wife, even though he is angry. He does not want his daughter to witness anything bad. He doesn't know how much to push the drinking thing, or just go to couples counseling and bring it up there. I don't have experience with the alcohol thing and I don't know what to tell him. |
Anonymous
| He should try Al-Anon, where he can find support and people who have been in his situation. It won't give him immediate answers but he'll find support there. |
Anonymous
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Well if your friend insist on deluding himself, he deserves all the misery he is going to get.
He will go through counseling for several years after which alcoholic DW divorces him, takes his $ and gets custody (because he was too nice to bring up or he downplayed her drinking) and his daughter will be living with looser xDW and some asshole drunkard boyfriend of hers. Meanwhile all this is really great for DD. God help your friend. |
Anonymous
Thank you, that is constructive advice and I will pass it along. |
Anonymous
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He needs to see a lawyer and a judge for temporary custody.
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Anonymous
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I second Al Anon. I also recommend the "Getting Them Sober" book series. And document, document, document. It could be useful in court.
Unfortunately very few alcoholics ever get and stay sober. |
Anonymous
| This will be his entire life. It will take years and years before she admits to a problem with drinking if she ever does. She will make everyone in the family miserable. Alcoholics are toxic and suck the energy out of everyone and they deflect blame on everyone around them. There is no quick fix. He needs to look out for himself and his daughter. |
Anonymous
| Your obsession with a personal life of a male friend is odd. |
Anonymous
| He is very likely enabling her. He needs to read about codepency. |
Anonymous
Agreed. Why don't you just send him the link to this forum and let him solicit advice for himself? |
Anonymous
I am not obsessed with him. He is a childhood friend in a tough spot and he does not open up to people easily. He confided in my DH and myself and we are concerned for him. I am sorry if you do not have any friends of the opposite sex. There is absolutely nothing untoward about this. |
Anonymous
| Dies she actually have a problem with drinking? My ex H used to say this about me because after the kids were in bed I would retreat somewhere with a glass of red wine every night. |
Anonymous
I had assumed that the OP was a male buddy of the DH in question, or perhaps was the actual DH himself. Interesting turn. |