How do you help someone running backwards toward a cliff

[Anonymous]

Wonderful friend of mine, who is so lonely after death of wife >5yrs ago and demise of rebound marriage that last < 1yr. Has met a girl on the web and here are the rules she has laid down for him.

No sex till married.
No birth control
He will get vasectomy if he wants to not have kids or unprotected sex
Super religious
Crazy diet
No prenup - but she brings nothing to the table

I could go on and on for the stuff she is laying down on him. He is accepting all of this and I just want to see him happy and not another marriage that last < 1yr. Should I just look away and hope he comes to his senses or is there really anything that can be said to shake sense into him. I feel like he is rushing backward toward a cliff and there is nothing I can do or say

[Anonymous]

Make the list of her rules and hand it to him. Say "this is the only time I will come to you about this. After today, I'll never bring it up again. When you look at this list, does this make you feel happy? Do you think it'll make you happy long term?"

And then be nothing but supportive of whatever he chooses after this. Give it one good shot, and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the list of her rules and hand it to him. Say "this is the only time I will come to you about this. After today, I'll never bring it up again. When you look at this list, does this make you feel happy? Do you think it'll make you happy long term?"

And then be nothing but supportive of whatever he chooses after this. Give it one good shot, and then let it go.

Thank you, Thanks you so much, excellent advise. I want to be supportive and if he goes through with this I know he is going to need it.

[Anonymous]

I would be more concerned that a grown man is meeting girls on the internet. Tell him to find someone over the age of 18.

[Anonymous]

I bet OP has been waiting years to use the metaphor as a title for a post.

[Anonymous]

You sound awfully nosy and judgmental. By all means, have a chat with your friend, especially if you're interested in destroying the friendship.

[Anonymous]

If you're going to take an active part in getting him to see this woman is not right for him, you also need to get active in helping him fill the void. Do activities with him that get him out there to meet new women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound awfully nosy and judgmental. By all means, have a chat with your friend, especially if you're interested in destroying the friendship.

Really? What kinds of "friends" do you have? The ones who always toot your horn, never give you their honest opinion. This is a life changing decision, one that could potentially destroy him (or make him happy if it works) and you would idly sit by and watch it happen without comment or judgement. With friends like you who needs enemies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the list of her rules and hand it to him. Say "this is the only time I will come to you about this. After today, I'll never bring it up again. When you look at this list, does this make you feel happy? Do you think it'll make you happy long term?"

And then be nothing but supportive of whatever he chooses after this. Give it one good shot, and then let it go.

Don't do this. You're not his mother first of all. And secondly, has he come to you and mentioned that he's not liking where the relationsip is going? If no, butt out.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned that a grown man is meeting girls on the internet. Tell him to find someone over the age of 18.

She is 37 and has a child from previous marriage. Also widow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound awfully nosy and judgmental. By all means, have a chat with your friend, especially if you're interested in destroying the friendship.

Why do you say nosy and judmental. Maybe they have know this person a while and seen them through some difficult times. Some times if you can catch someone before they make a huge mistake it is worth the effort. Who spit in your corn flakes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make the list of her rules and hand it to him. Say "this is the only time I will come to you about this. After today, I'll never bring it up again. When you look at this list, does this make you feel happy? Do you think it'll make you happy long term?"

And then be nothing but supportive of whatever he chooses after this. Give it one good shot, and then let it go.

Don't do this. You're not his mother first of all. And secondly, has he come to you and mentioned that he's not liking where the relationship is going? If no, butt out.

Oh yeah, he has come to me mentioning many things concerning this relationship, but his loneliness wins out every time and he caves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're going to take an active part in getting him to see this woman is not right for him, you also need to get active in helping him fill the void. Do activities with him that get him out there to meet new women.

Oh that is completely my plan. I have a list of friends, neighbors, relatives and folks from work I can introduce him to. He never seemed up for it before then showed up with the internet girl so didn't try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.

I don't know if I would call this "Values" sounds like the setup for a sexless marriage and she is just getting him prepped