Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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11/21/2016 22:13

Subject: Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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ZachF
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Joined: 12/30/2015 14:13
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He absolutely should take his DD and move out. He needs to get her away from the DW if in fact she is an alcoholic. There is no reason he can't do that. Let her scream and cry foul to everyone while he keeps the upper hand.

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11/21/2016 22:16

Subject: Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I second Al Anon. I also recommend the "Getting Them Sober" book series. And document, document, document. It could be useful in court.

Unfortunately very few alcoholics ever get and stay sober.

Your last statement is simply untrue. I know many sober and healthy alcoholics who have turned their lives around. Who know what will happen in this stranger's life, but it's not hopeless.
OP Al-Anon is a good place to start. He should probably see a lawyer and document everything in the case of a divorce for custody issues. He needs to say to his wife that the drinking is a problem and he will not enable her anymore, but in order to do that he'll have to figure out how he's enabling. (Again, al-anon and therapy if he can afford it.)

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11/21/2016 22:27

Subject: Re:Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Let her drink herself to the clinic. Record everything on video. Give up on any emotional involvement. Give up on her immediately. This is not fixable. When you get rid of her, find someone normal if possible. Take care of your DD.

have to agree with this comment.

and the worst that can happen is not related to your relationship with your wife but your daughter can grow up filled with anger at the world because of living with a drunk for a mom. The impact on your DD will be very negative and last a lifetime.

If I could do it over, I would do whatever it takes to protect my children from these emotional scars. You can't fix it after years of living with an drunk for a parent.

so the rational advice is separate, rent a cheap apartment/condo/townhouse, back off on the job, get rid of any unnecessary expenses, and focus on getting your children into college. al-anon does not help, the health care system will not help, her relatives will not help, her friends will not help, no one can do it but the drunk, and they will lie, cheat, deceive, and yell/argue with you the entire time.

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11/22/2016 14:28

Subject: Re:Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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ZachF
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Joined: 12/30/2015 14:13
Messages: 725
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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her drink herself to the clinic. Record everything on video. Give up on any emotional involvement. Give up on her immediately. This is not fixable. When you get rid of her, find someone normal if possible. Take care of your DD.

have to agree with this comment.

and the worst that can happen is not related to your relationship with your wife but your daughter can grow up filled with anger at the world because of living with a drunk for a mom. The impact on your DD will be very negative and last a lifetime.

If I could do it over, I would do whatever it takes to protect my children from these emotional scars. You can't fix it after years of living with an drunk for a parent.

so the rational advice is separate, rent a cheap apartment/condo/townhouse, back off on the job, get rid of any unnecessary expenses, and focus on getting your children into college. al-anon does not help, the health care system will not help, her relatives will not help, her friends will not help, no one can do it but the drunk, and they will lie, cheat, deceive, and yell/argue with you the entire time.

Sorry to say, I 100% agree with the above. The sooner you can get your daughter away from her and let her see what a normal family is like without living with an alcoholic parent, the better off she will be. Or, you can keep accepting the lies and promises of your alcoholic wife and be in this same position when your daughter is 10, or 12, or 16, with years of living with an alcoholic mother in a family situation that is insane. Get her away from that now.

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11/22/2016 14:53

Subject: Alcoholic wife, please advise for a friend

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Anonymous

Read up on adult children of alcoholics. Growing up with an alcoholic parent, especially one who never stops drinking, creates some serious long term personal issues for the kids.