How do you help someone running backwards toward a cliff

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]12/12/2016 15:56
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Anonymous


No sex till married. (Not my preference, but many people agree with this.)
No birth control (Birth control is extremely toxic to the body, I don't blame her.)
He will get vasectomy if he wants to not have kids or unprotected sex (What is wrong with the man being in control of birth control
Super religious (Why does this bother you, it's not your life.)
Crazy diet (Explain crazy? vegan?)
No prenup - but she brings nothing to the table (Does he have kids? I don't know many people with a prenup.)

You sound a little crazy... were you his dead wife's friend?
[Post New]12/12/2016 16:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're going to take an active part in getting him to see this woman is not right for him, you also need to get active in helping him fill the void. Do activities with him that get him out there to meet new women.


Oh that is completely my plan. I have a list of friends, neighbors, relatives and folks from work I can introduce him to. He never seemed up for it before then showed up with the internet girl so didn't try.


Maybe he doesn't want your list of friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Maybe he wants you to mind your own damn business you weirdo!
[Post New]12/12/2016 16:28
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Anonymous
I like a PP's idea of giving him a list and saying it's the only time you're going to talk about it. Also suggest a period of counseling and suggest he could make a list of his rules before jumping into the pool.

To be honest, I prefer that kind of girl over the other extreme, OP. The issue is also not knowing if she's really like that or just pretending on the internet.
[Post New]12/12/2016 16:52
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Anonymous
Didn't you post about your long distance relationship a while ago?
[Post New]12/12/2016 17:02
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Anonymous
You do realize that, other than whatever you mean by her having a crazing diet, it just seems like she's Catholic. All of the "rules" you list easily flow from Catholic teachings, and millions of Catholics live by these principles? I'm not understanding the problem with her.
[Post New]12/12/2016 17:41
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Anonymous
Do your friend's values align with what was presented in the woman's list? If not, bring up your concerns once. After that, leave it alone.
[Post New]12/13/2016 00:28
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You do realize that, other than whatever you mean by her having a crazing diet, it just seems like she's Catholic. All of the "rules" you list easily flow from Catholic teachings, and millions of Catholics live by these principles? I'm not understanding the problem with her.


Vasectomies are not Catholic, but I also agree that this is not extreme. Sounds like you just don't like his new woman and are nitpicking. What I'd like to know is of it's just you or if it's all of his friends who don't like her. If it's just you, I would stay tight lipped. If it's all of you, maybe there really is something about the match not being right that warrants a very tactful, "We're concerned" conversation.
[Post New]12/13/2016 03:02
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Anonymous
I agree with OP!
[Post New]12/13/2016 03:07
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Anonymous
It sounds pretty bad. I'd follow the advice given by the person who said make a list and turn it over to him, but you realize you may be risking your friendship.
[Post New]12/13/2016 03:25
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.


I don't know if I would call this "Values" sounds like the setup for a sexless marriage and she is just getting him prepped


Exactly. I used to think that saving sex for marriage was admirable. Then I married a virgin in his 30s, and it was the greatest regret of my life. I will never again move forward in a relationship without knowing how compatible our libidos are, and whether we at least have the possibility of a healthy, fulfilling sex life. If sex is at all important to your friend, it would be a grave mistake to roll these particular dice.
[Post New]12/13/2016 12:42
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ZachF
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.


I don't know if I would call this "Values" sounds like the setup for a sexless marriage and she is just getting him prepped


There will be plenty of sex if she wants to trap him by having a baby. Then none. The best advice you can give him is to get that vasectomy now.
[Post New]12/13/2016 13:08
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You do realize that, other than whatever you mean by her having a crazing diet, it just seems like she's Catholic. All of the "rules" you list easily flow from Catholic teachings, and millions of Catholics live by these principles? I'm not understanding the problem with her.


Vasectomies are not Catholic, but I also agree that this is not extreme. Sounds like you just don't like his new woman and are nitpicking. What I'd like to know is of it's just you or if it's all of his friends who don't like her. If it's just you, I would stay tight lipped. If it's all of you, maybe there really is something about the match not being right that warrants a very tactful, "We're concerned" conversation.


The problem is the same thing happened with his wife that lasted <1 yr. It isn't just me it is multiple friends and relatives. Same thing happened last time, I didn't know him then so get from other friends and family on what occurred. Yeah I agree with PP that a conversation amoung us all letting him know of our concerns. This same controlling things started off like this with other wife and he wouldn't listen to anyone. Just trying to stop a bad situation before it starts
[Post New]12/13/2016 13:11
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It sounds pretty bad. I'd follow the advice given by the person who said make a list and turn it over to him, but you realize you may be risking your friendship.


This right there is my biggest concern. If this doesn't work out and I have laid out my thoughts about it then when he needs a helping hand he won't ask any of us for help. But if we let him do this with out saying anything then what kind of friends are we?
[Post New]12/13/2016 13:13
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You do realize that, other than whatever you mean by her having a crazing diet, it just seems like she's Catholic. All of the "rules" you list easily flow from Catholic teachings, and millions of Catholics live by these principles? I'm not understanding the problem with her.


When he first told me all this that is exactly what I thought, Catholic. No she isn't and I asked. He just said she is Christian so I have no clue the denomination but he said for sure not Catholic
[Post New]12/13/2016 13:14
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Anonymous
ZachF wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's ready for a change.

Just because you don't agree with her values, doesn't mean your friend can't be open minded and try out this new relationship. It doesn't sound that extreme.


I don't know if I would call this "Values" sounds like the setup for a sexless marriage and she is just getting him prepped


There will be plenty of sex if she wants to trap him by having a baby. Then none. The best advice you can give him is to get that vasectomy now.


That isn't fair to him if it doesn't work out. Then he gets divorced and no more children for him. He is pretty adamant he isn't getting one
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