Not my circus, not my monkeys

[Anonymous]

I have been trying to buy an apartment as an investment. When I pulled a credit report, I found that I had been late on a mortgage payment on another property and that this was really my DH's fault. His explanation was since I don't contribute a cent towards household expenses and he had to pay to repair the car I wrecked as well as the new water heater and new washer dryer a few months back all at the same time, there was not enough money from his paycheck to cover it all. So, he paid the mortgage late. Now I am pissed. His response was I could finally get it together and contribute to the household expenses. Further, he said that since I did not ask him about the new apartment, that my problem is not his "circus and not his monkeys" and that I just have to deal with it.

How do you even respond to that? I thought it very rude. And now he uses this phrase all the time when he feels I am in a pickle of my own making, not understanding that my pickles are because of his making. Bastard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been trying to buy an apartment as an investment. When I pulled a credit report, I found that I had been late on a mortgage payment on another property and that this was really my DH's fault. His explanation was since I don't contribute a cent towards household expenses and he had to pay to repair the car I wrecked as well as the new water heater and new washer dryer a few months back all at the same time, there was not enough money from his paycheck to cover it all. So, he paid the mortgage late. Now I am pissed. His response was I could finally get it together and contribute to the household expenses. Further, he said that since I did not ask him about the new apartment, that my problem is not his "circus and not his monkeys" and that I just have to deal with it.

How do you even respond to that? I thought it very rude. And now he uses this phrase all the time when he feels I am in a pickle of my own making, not understanding that my pickles are because of his making. Bastard!

Do you work / earn money / have a paycheck? If so why dont you contribute to household expenses? Thats the question you should be askjng yourself.

[Anonymous]

Precisely, as PP said.

And if you dont earn money, why are YOU buying an apartment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Further, he said that since I did not ask him about the new apartment

You're buying an apartment, and you didn't discuss with your husband first??

[Anonymous]

You two have an incredibly messed up relationship with each other, and with money. His use of a particular phrase is the last thing you should be focusing on.

[Anonymous]

Get a job and stop being your H child.

[Anonymous]

What stands out to me from your OP is the amount of I and he. And not we.

I suggest putting all income and outgoing together. However, I know of couples who keep it separate, and if it works best, sure, keep separate responsibilities and interests.

But it's not working however you are doing it.

For example, how was he solely responsible for a car fix, water heater, w&d, and the mortgage? (In what seemed like a month or two, or other short period of time). Also apparently, household expenses.

If it was a problem, he probably should have come to you saying his cash flow was crazy... But the point is, you cannot solely blame him for not coming to you, for being late, etc.

It's a problem with the two of you and how you've set this up. You need to forgive, and amicably go back to the drawing board. Potentially piling all finances together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been trying to buy an apartment as an investment. When I pulled a credit report, I found that I had been late on a mortgage payment on another property and that this was really my DH's fault. His explanation was since I don't contribute a cent towards household expenses and he had to pay to repair the car I wrecked as well as the new water heater and new washer dryer a few months back all at the same time, there was not enough money from his paycheck to cover it all. So, he paid the mortgage late. Now I am pissed. His response was I could finally get it together and contribute to the household expenses. Further, he said that since I did not ask him about the new apartment, that my problem is not his "circus and not his monkeys" and that I just have to deal with it.

How do you even respond to that? I thought it very rude. And now he uses this phrase all the time when he feels I am in a pickle of my own making, not understanding that my pickles are because of his making. Bastard!

You are in a pickle of your own making.

Why do you not contribute to household expenses? Why do you and DH not share information about large purchases (eg large car repair bill, water heater, apartment, new large appliances)? Why were going to purchase an apartment without discussing it with your DH? Why does your DH pay your mortgage on another property?

What kind of partnership do you have with your DH?

I know some couples (DH and I included) that combine all monies and pay all bills together. I know some couples that want to keep their finances separate but they ALL split common expenses like household costs (some 50/50 - some on proportion to each of their earnings)- but they still consult with each other on large purchases.

[Anonymous]

Wtf? Why are you purchasing investment property without it being a joint decision between you and your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Sure, it's rude, but I like his catch phrase.

Sounds like the apartment isn't a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Aren't monkeys in zoos, not circuses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's rude, but I like his catch phrase.

Sounds like the apartment isn't a good idea.

UGH. I am so sick of the "catch phrase." It was fine the first 100 times I heard it. Now it is used by people who think that they are more clever than they are.

OP, please respond to the question about why you don't contribute to household expenses. What is your income? His income? What is your job?

[Anonymous]

I don't get why your upset. It sounds like you don't contribute to the household finances nor know what's going on with said finances. Your husband had alot to deal with and your whining about something he says and did. Get involved in what is happening then you have all the right to moan about what happens. If you are not working you have more then enough time to look over the household finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been trying to buy an apartment as an investment. When I pulled a credit report, I found that I had been late on a mortgage payment on another property and that this was really my DH's fault. His explanation was since I don't contribute a cent towards household expenses and he had to pay to repair the car I wrecked as well as the new water heater and new washer dryer a few months back all at the same time, there was not enough money from his paycheck to cover it all. So, he paid the mortgage late. Now I am pissed. His response was I could finally get it together and contribute to the household expenses. Further, he said that since I did not ask him about the new apartment, that my problem is not his "circus and not his monkeys" and that I just have to deal with it.

How do you even respond to that? I thought it very rude. And now he uses this phrase all the time when he feels I am in a pickle of my own making, not understanding that my pickles are because of his making. Bastard!

Wait, you can't pay your own mortgage on time each month, every single month but somehow you think you can afford to buy an apartment as an investment?

And how are you buying this apartment if you have no income?

[Anonymous]

TROLL!