Just to start things off: My own experience is that pre-divorce there was very little I could do to make my XW happy (in fact, I think my just taking up space at home made her unhappy.) Sex was out of the question.

However, the world of dating is wonderful and the sex is one the best parts of it. Most of divorced women I know talk openly about how little they had sex when they were married and how much more they are having (or want to have) sex now they are single.

Ladies - It appears that, pre-divorce, many a DH was sex starved. However, it also appears that post-divorce many a SO finds all the attention he needs at the hands of the fair and gentle sex.

Please tell us - Did you give your DH all the sex he could handle (and more) pre-divorce and become chaste post-divorce? Or, did reentering the singles scene start things swinging for you?

OP is a single mom that's holding out for an alpha and hates the betas she's matching with online. good luck

Does she deserve an alpha? What is she "holding out" against?

This is classic - we have the average girl waiting for the cute quarterback to call and sad when the president of the math club (who is likely a better fit based on looks) asks her out.

Signed,

Former President of the Math Club (BTW - I did lose the weight and my skin got better.)

Boyfriend, but not really expecting to find one at this age.

+1

Why not?

Does he wear a dress when he is putting the tchotchkes around the dining room table?

That's a really ignorant thing to say, and is offensive to men and women, straight and gay.

You know what? You are right. It was not funny and I am sorry I said it.

Hi there. First, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am too with my ADD husband. The sex stopped the minute we got married.

He's on Adderoll which has helped a bit with his focus but has done nothing to help with the lack of sex.

For the trolls on here giving you a hard time, I wish they'd quit. You don't know how hard it is to be the spouse of someone with ADD. It feels like being married to a ghost. Zones out during all conversations and on dates, can't remember to do any of his chores, anger and frustration issues (him). It's incredibly hard.

We're starting couples therapy at this point. But honestly, three years and one child in, if I'd known about this condition and how lonely it is, I don't know if I'd have still married him. Conversations are like talking with someone who speaks finger painting -- words have no impact.

Hang in there and I'm here if you ever want to talk. Maybe we can figure out our significant others' ADD together.

Have you tried Vyvanse or other meds? Med cocktails? Your DH's reaction does not sound normal to me at all. Are you using a top-flight psychiatrist?

I have ADHD, love sex, and feel great. However, I suffered for years with any number of issues related to the condition (and so did those around me). Once I found a psychiatrist who knew what she was doing, it changed my life.

I was less focused on cuddling. More focused on your climax. If he is quick to the finish line he can still get you there with a little effort. But a quickie without anything in it for you should have you looking around for more.

Oh, I am.

Look over here.

My DH, father of 2, married for 20 years loves to decorate seasonally. He decorates the dining room table with little tchotchkes related to the season: leaves in the fall, wildflowers in spring, etc. It's cute. That's the only decorating he is interested in, though.

Does he wear a dress when he is putting the tchotchkes around the dining room table?

The problem with "will my divorce be better for me" is that there is a natural comparison to compare your current situation to pre-marriage. It's totally unrealistic.

Pre-marriage, the dating pool was enormous, almost limitless, no one had real "baggage." Post-divorce, the singles market is totally, completely, different. Add on to the fact the split custody, the hit to finances, the holidays without the kids, the total loss of control over what the kids do when they are with your ex. Also, some kids handle divorce well, others don't and it's not always easy to predict which way it will go. A lot of that depends on how your ex responds to the divorce. No matter how mature you are, if your ex is determined to blow it all up, they can ruin the kids and your relationship with them in the process.

Not sure this post is completely balanced in comparing pre-marriage dating to post-marriage dating.

First, the pre-marriage dating pool had its drawbacks as well. There were many people in that pre-pool that had major baggage (e.g., they had been abused, molested, etc.) they had to deal with and there were many, many, more slinging the day-to-day crazy around (e.g., type that would become an ex determined to "blow it all up" for no good reason.)

The pre-marriage pool is different than the post poll since the pre-pool included fewer people who had been married before (at least it did for me as I got married at 26) and included greater percentage of single people my age. However, I am 53 and there are a huge number of women my age out there that would be wonderful to date (and I hope they would feel the same way about the supply of men.)

My kids are adults (or think they are adults and act like it most of the time) and we divorced when the youngest was a senior in high school. That did make it easier.

The poster is very right in that a lot depends on how your ex (and you) handle the divorce. It can be tough, but it can also free you and your ex from hurting each other a little bit more each day.

d

dintysons wrote:
As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

To the poster at 6/20 11:10 - was there ever a time when he was good to great sex? Did it shift from a "once in awhile quickie" to "quickie = sex"?

Does he have problem with PE? Does he try to connect with you post-quickie or does he pick up his iPhone?

He is currently 38
-He started having sex at 17.
-He said he had a high drive in his 20's and had a lot of sex
-His drive cooled down considerably around 32-33
-He said that he is low drive right now, with no interest in sex and is fine being that way
-He has tried porn to turn himself on (that doesn't work)
-When he does masturbate, he said it takes him 30+minutes
-He said that he has never been sexually abused, no traumatic experiences
-He takes a medication for anxiety
-He has ed. Very difficult getting an erection.
-He will not try Viagra.
-He has low T but will not take medication for that
-I asked him what he needed me to do to help, he said that what I already do is fine
-He has such little interest in sex that he barely touches me. It's always with me prompting, and I can tell he's not into it.
-He said that he can't think of anything that is a turn on to him to even get him in the mood.

Both of the bolded items can have a huge impact on his sex drive. However, if he does not see it as a problem he will not get help for it.

Have considered a relationship where you saw other another man just for sex? This does not sound like something you are looking for. However, if sex is important to you but not him, it might work.

I do think long term relations lead to the problem. I was at a party over the weekend and noticed when the men were in groups together they talked about not having any sex. Meanwhile the wives were flirting with any man that wasn't their husband.

Word to the poster at 15:17.

When I was married, we had less sex ever year until we got divorced (and we were married 24 years.) At first, both our drives were very high but hers dropped off (and dropped like a stone down a well post-menopause.) I am sure I committed a number of the mistakes the women in this sub-forum complain about and these mistakes helped us grow apart in this area.

Every woman that I have dated since says the same thing: she enjoys sex much more now that she is not married or that she is not having it with her XH. I am willing to bet that my XW likes sex more now as well.

Post-divorce, women also seem much more willing to try something new (e.g., sex someplace adventurous) and more open to discussing what they need and what you need. All together, it has helped shift the drive back to high in an amazing way.

As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

I think you'd be better off with a married guy who is not interested in a relationship and just wants weekly sex. No complications.

You mean "No complications until his wife finds out you are boinking her husband". Then the complications start.

You can find a single guy who can provide weekly (or more than weekly sex) and get it without worrying about a batshit crazy (or normal but upset) wife raining on the sex parade.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
So casually dating three people means you are kissing and making out with all of them?

Yes. Haven't you ever been in your 20's?


At the same time? Please move this to the expicit discussion - stat.

Sorry everyone. I was trying to funny. When I said "At the same time" I meant "simulaneously" as in kissing Bill, Mike, and Sam all simultaneously. Sadly, not funny.

To answer another poster (see poster at 8:53), I was never in my 20s and I am still waiting to make out with a girl. My XW would never allow it. At least she would never allow it with me.

Just so the question is answered before it is asked - no, I never made out with a boy. I am not cute enough to be gay.