Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

Anonymous wrote:As a marriage counselor once told us, I am "random and abstract" and my husband is "concrete and sequential." That about sums up the fundamental source of our difficulties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a marriage counselor once told us, I am "random and abstract" and my husband is "concrete and sequential." That about sums up the fundamental source of our difficulties.

This is us too. And it bleeds into other areas like finances and how we spend our money and make plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

ddintysons wrote:As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

To the poster at 6/20 11:10 - was there ever a time when he was good to great sex? Did it shift from a "once in awhile quickie" to "quickie = sex"?

Does he have problem with PE? Does he try to connect with you post-quickie or does he pick up his iPhone?


At the very beginning, yes. It was almost always a quickie though. He was a bit better at foreplay early on. No PE. He generally picks up a book, he's not big on cuddling afterwards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

NP here, in exact same situation as PP man who is mostly porn and once a week wife who lost sex drive, wishes she had one and feels bad about it.

Yes, she knows I use porn, she is smart enough not to ask how frequently. She does fake it, but not convincingly and I would rather go solo than have sex with someone who doesn't want to. She knows it's a big problem, has told me she doesn't want to know if I have an affair (and I have, most men in my situation have, trust me).

Thing is, as I hit mid-40s, my libido is calming down, her's is coming back a bit and 1x per week is doable. So glad I didn't get caught with AP in my 30s. I feel bad for couples that deal with the inevitability of infidelity during the early childhood years, if they can get through that time, most marriages go back on cruise control.

Anonymous wrote:My husband has low energy. This is the root of our major problems: his inability to bear an equal load at home; our sex life; his messiness. He would say the root of his problems with me is my critical nature (refusal to be a doormat).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sex. we have it, regularly, maybe 1x/week and its fine, pleasurable enough. but i think both of us has had it better, hotter with others. there's something inhibited about it with us.

This is what led to divorce eventually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sex. we have it, regularly, maybe 1x/week and its fine, pleasurable enough. but i think both of us has had it better, hotter with others. there's something inhibited about it with us.

This is what led to divorce eventually.

At least you're having sex. I have to bed my husband and maybe get mediocre sex once monthly. He has no interest in real sex; just (boring) porn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

NP here, in exact same situation as PP man who is mostly porn and once a week wife who lost sex drive, wishes she had one and feels bad about it.

Yes, she knows I use porn, she is smart enough not to ask how frequently. She does fake it, but not convincingly and I would rather go solo than have sex with someone who doesn't want to. She knows it's a big problem, has told me she doesn't want to know if I have an affair (and I have, most men in my situation have, trust me).

Thing is, as I hit mid-40s, my libido is calming down, her's is coming back a bit and 1x per week is doable. So glad I didn't get caught with AP in my 30s. I feel bad for couples that deal with the inevitability of infidelity during the early childhood years, if they can get through that time, most marriages go back on cruise control.

Anonymous wrote:

ddintysons wrote:As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

To the poster at 6/20 11:10 - was there ever a time when he was good to great sex? Did it shift from a "once in awhile quickie" to "quickie = sex"?

Does he have problem with PE? Does he try to connect with you post-quickie or does he pick up his iPhone?


At the very beginning, yes. It was almost always a quickie though. He was a bit better at foreplay early on. No PE. He generally picks up a book, he's not big on cuddling afterwards.

I was less focused on cuddling. More focused on your climax. If he is quick to the finish line he can still get you there with a little effort. But a quickie without anything in it for you should have you looking around for more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

NP here, in exact same situation as PP man who is mostly porn and once a week wife who lost sex drive, wishes she had one and feels bad about it.

Yes, she knows I use porn, she is smart enough not to ask how frequently. She does fake it, but not convincingly and I would rather go solo than have sex with someone who doesn't want to. She knows it's a big problem, has told me she doesn't want to know if I have an affair (and I have, most men in my situation have, trust me).

Thing is, as I hit mid-40s, my libido is calming down, her's is coming back a bit and 1x per week is doable. So glad I didn't get caught with AP in my 30s. I feel bad for couples that deal with the inevitability of infidelity during the early childhood years, if they can get through that time, most marriages go back on cruise control.

I was less focused on cuddling. More focused on your climax. If he is quick to the finish line he can still get you there with a little effort. But a quickie without anything in it for you should have you looking around for more.

Oh, I am.