Husband v. Boyfriend Post-Divorce - Who Gets More Sex?

[ddintysons]

Ladies - It appears that, pre-divorce, many a DH was sex starved. However, it also appears that post-divorce many a SO finds all the attention he needs at the hands of the fair and gentle sex.

Please tell us - Did you give your DH all the sex he could handle (and more) pre-divorce and become chaste post-divorce? Or, did reentering the singles scene start things swinging for you?

[ddintysons]

Just to start things off: My own experience is that pre-divorce there was very little I could do to make my XW happy (in fact, I think my just taking up space at home made her unhappy.) Sex was out of the question.

However, the world of dating is wonderful and the sex is one the best parts of it. Most of divorced women I know talk openly about how little they had sex when they were married and how much more they are having (or want to have) sex now they are single.

[Anonymous]

Sex wasn't the problem in my marriage and it is about the only thing I miss about being married. Post- divorce I want to have equal or even better sex but I have not ventured out there yet. Wish I could tell who is good in bed.

[Anonymous]

Always had sex frequently and was satisfied with DH - never turned him down. Came to find out that he was serial cheating on me with anyone and everyone (co-workers, escorts, street prostitutes in other countries, etc.). Found out about one incident which he swore up and down was the only one and would never happen again. Over the next couple years, I kept a close watch on him and found out that in fact it was not a one time thing and he was lying about many other things. I would not have sex with him for the last year before I kicked him out, because, frankly, it was unhealthy, unsafe and felt rape-y.

I used to really enjoy sex, but I have been so emotionally scarred by the whole experience with him that although in theory I would like to have sex again, in practice I just don't trust anyone and don't want to have anyone close enough in my life that can wreak havoc like that again.

[Anonymous]

Once I dropped my unattractive, fat, and lazy/selfish in bed DH, I got laid all the time. The same is not true for him.

[Anonymous]

It's much more enjoyable to have sex with someone with whom you are not furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's much more enjoyable to have sex with someone with whom you are not furious.

This. Furious or resentful of.

[ddintysons]

Once I dropped my unattractive, fat, and lazy/selfish in bed DH, I got laid all the time. The same is not true for him.

+1

[Anonymous]

You're a bit emotionally clueless.

[Anonymous]

Statistically, married people have much more sex than single people. You are comparing sex in a bad marriage with sex in a (successful?) dating life. Two completely different things.

Compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives, and see what you get.

[ddintysons]

Statistically, married people have much more sex than single people. You are comparing sex in a bad marriage with sex in a (successful?) dating life. Two completely different things.

Compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives, and see what you get.

I am intrigued by your post. I have often wondered about these statistics. In the studies I have read (my high-brow reading includes Men's Health, and Ask Men), the control groups are single men of a certain age are compared to married man of certain age (e.g., single men 35-40 v. married men 35-40). And in every study, the married men are getting more sex.

I would think that if one could survey married people who are thinking about getting divorced within the next 12 months, and compare that to married people who are not, the married people who are not thnking about divorce would be having more sex. Not much science there and this is supported by the posts noting that women do not want to have sex with a husband they are angry with or do not care about.

When you say "compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives" and see what you get, the question means nothing. However, based on just the little seen so far in this post, it is really the woman's happiness in the relationship that is the controlling variable regarding the frequency of sex?

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

Statistically, married people have much more sex than single people. You are comparing sex in a bad marriage with sex in a (successful?) dating life. Two completely different things.

Compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives, and see what you get.

I am intrigued by your post. I have often wondered about these statistics. In the studies I have read (my high-brow reading includes Men's Health, and Ask Men), the control groups are single men of a certain age are compared to married man of certain age (e.g., single men 35-40 v. married men 35-40). And in every study, the married men are getting more sex.

I would think that if one could survey married people who are thinking about getting divorced within the next 12 months, and compare that to married people who are not, the married people who are not thnking about divorce would be having more sex. Not much science there and this is supported by the posts noting that women do not want to have sex with a husband they are angry with or do not care about.

When you say "compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives" and see what you get, the question means nothing. However, based on just the little seen so far in this post, it is really the woman's happiness in the relationship that is the controlling variable regarding the frequency of sex?

In the majority of cases, no it is not. Women claim this but in reality, women constantly move the goalposts. And it's incredibly frustrating for healthy, attractive, emotionally available DHs with a strong libido to have a sex life that meets his needs.

Of,course there are exceptions, but these are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

I am 53. ExDW cut me off about five years before the divorce. Since divorcing I have had sex with about a dozen women, ages 23-52. Half of them have been one-nighters. I have two complaints about my situation: I'd like to be monogamous in a long-term relationship with a woman who enjoys frequent sex, and until then I'd like to have even more sex than I am getting now.

This has also been the experience of all my divorced friends. Women, and sex, are freely available these days and you don't even have to pork a fattie to get it. One of my friends divorced his iceberg at 40 and had sex with at least 100 women by the age of 50. Then he got married to a very nice woman and he's still married to her 15 years later.

[Anonymous]

I was happy to give my XH all the sex he wanted but over time he became so lazy, out of shape and so thoroughly unattractive that our sex life became non existent. Divorced at 35 I tested the market aggressively for three years and it's not something I'm really proud of but I learned a lot. I re-married ten years ago and what I had learned during my three year experience has gone a long way to making sure our sex life stays exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 53. ExDW cut me off about five years before the divorce. Since divorcing I have had sex with about a dozen women, ages 23-52. Half of them have been one-nighters. I have two complaints about my situation: I'd like to be monogamous in a long-term relationship with a woman who enjoys frequent sex, and until then I'd like to have even more sex than I am getting now.

This has also been the experience of all my divorced friends. Women, and sex, are freely available these days and you don't even have to pork a fattie to get it. One of my friends divorced his iceberg at 40 and had sex with at least 100 women by the age of 50. Then he got married to a very nice woman and he's still married to her 15 years later.

First comment: AWESOME, go you!

Second comment: "frequent sex" and "monogamous long-term relationship" are contradictory. Countless millions of frustrated husbands can tell you that your own experience of deadbedroom was not unique. Stop yearning for the unattainable.