Signs that my boyfriend might be gay

[Anonymous]

I have a weird feeling that my bf might be gay and using me to have a straight life.
What are the signs that I should watch for?

[Anonymous]

What is making you feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

He has many gay friends.
He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
He is a great cook.
He is very concerned about his appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a weird feeling that my bf might be gay and using me to have a straight life.
What are the signs that I should watch for?

The fact that you are deliberating this is a sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

He has many gay friends.
He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
He is a great cook.
He is very concerned about his appearance.

I'll take him as my boyfriend, gay or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

I love being with him. I just have a feeling in the back of my head I can't shake. I would like to shake it. I can see myself being with him for a long time. But I don't want to end up as one of the women on these other threads that found out their husband was gay after 15 or 20 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

Yes. Assume for the moment that he is straight: Do you want to pursue a relationship with a man who - for whatever reason - doesn't seem to find you sexually attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

Yes. Assume for the moment that he is straight: Do you want to pursue a relationship with a man who - for whatever reason - doesn't seem to find you sexually attractive?

Well, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

I love being with him. I just have a feeling in the back of my head I can't shake. I would like to shake it. I can see myself being with him for a long time. But I don't want to end up as one of the women on these other threads that found out their husband was gay after 15 or 20 years of marriage.

Well fortunately he's just a boyfriend not a husband so you can avoid that whole 15/20 years of marriage shocker by expressing your concerns to him and getting this cleared up now. Will it cause friction probably. But if you are focused on the long-term its best to get it out and deal with it now as opposed to ending up being those women you described who get the shocker after 15/20 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

I love being with him. I just have a feeling in the back of my head I can't shake. I would like to shake it. I can see myself being with him for a long time. But I don't want to end up as one of the women on these other threads that found out their husband was gay after 15 or 20 years of marriage.

Well fortunately he's just a boyfriend not a husband so you can avoid that whole 15/20 years of marriage shocker by expressing your concerns to him and getting this cleared up now. Will it cause friction probably. But if you are focused on the long-term its best to get it out and deal with it now as opposed to ending up being those women you described who get the shocker after 15/20 years of marriage.

He also seems very eager to move forward. He talks about settling down, me being the one. He seems overly anxious to settle down and start a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

I love being with him. I just have a feeling in the back of my head I can't shake. I would like to shake it. I can see myself being with him for a long time. But I don't want to end up as one of the women on these other threads that found out their husband was gay after 15 or 20 years of marriage.

Well fortunately he's just a boyfriend not a husband so you can avoid that whole 15/20 years of marriage shocker by expressing your concerns to him and getting this cleared up now. Will it cause friction probably. But if you are focused on the long-term its best to get it out and deal with it now as opposed to ending up being those women you described who get the shocker after 15/20 years of marriage.

He also seems very eager to move forward. He talks about settling down, me being the one. He seems overly anxious to settle down and start a family.

Well since the answer to this is "No"


That means you can sit down with him and do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

Thou doth protest too much. Most of things are characteristics disproportionately found in gay men. Especially the decorating seasonally thing. Straight men don't do that -- they have women in their lives to do it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is making you feel this way?

1. He has many gay friends.
2. He has little interest in sex, he's not enthusiastic about it, I am always prompting him during as well as initiating sex.
3. He sometimes has trouble keeping an erection.
4. He doesn't have the typical bachelor pad. It's super clean, decorated very nicely. He decorates seasonally.
5. He is a great cook.
6. He is very concerned about his appearance.

#1 doesn't mean shit.
#2 makes me wonder about you as in why did you chose him for a boyfriend.
#3 doesn't mean shit
#4 doesn't mean shit
#5 doesn't mean shit
#6 doesn't mean shit.

So ultimately the only question to be answered is why are you with this guy?

Thou doth protest too much. Most of things are characteristics disproportionately found in gay men. Especially the decorating seasonally thing. Straight men don't do that -- they have women in their lives to do it for them.

Are you saying its an absolute that straight men never exhibit any of the above characteristics with no exceptions no aberrations and no anomalies?

[Anonymous]

#2 and 3 will be very big issues if you marry him. Just look at the non-explicit relationships subforum and you will see. I dated someone who I realized later was bisexual. He lied to my face many times, because he so desperately wanted to escape the part of himself that terrified him. Personally, I would leave. As you have acknowledged, you wouldn't want to marry someone who isn't interested in you sexually.

This NYT essay may be interesting to you:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/10/style/modern-love-conversion-therapy-gay-husband-haircuts.html?_r=0