Meant to add- any guy that mentions yoga or meditation or obsessive type activities (eg ultra marathons, long distance cycling) are major turn offs in my circle of friends.

Sounds like good advice. Thanks.

Friend, you're screwed and will wind up like this loser:

https://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/2019+Vanity+Fa...osted+Radhika+Y5OZyKYdo8Nx.jpg

I hooked up with the woman pictured with Jason (in the link above) and she said that tax attorneys were way hotter than action film stars.

What are you trying to attract? I say this because for someone looking for a meaningful relationship, any swimsuit or shirtless photos are a hard no as are photos with your kids.

I am looking for a woman near my age for a relationship.

Lead with tax attorney and you'll be set!

Actually, phrase it as partner in a law firm.

Once I lead with this information (or include that I am a CPA as well) women just want to hook-up with me non-stop. They just want to meet their selfish animal needs.

I hope that everyone is doing as well as possible during the COVID-19 lockdown. I am a divorced man in my mid-50s getting back into the dating scene.

I am a tax attorney (fun day and night!!), and I have been trying on-line dating (Match, Bumble).

My issue is how to optimize my profile photos.

I was an athlete in college (I boxed) and I am good shape. Specifically, my profile photos that include my body get the most positive comments (more specifically, any photos that include my legs or that are full-body get the most comments.) My face, which is what most people lead with, is not stellar. I had women I have met IRF after meeting on the site tell me that I am "more handsome in person." The women who have seen me naked will compliment my body.

However, female friends that have reviewed my profile will gently suggest that I avoid just headshots.

My looks are what they are (I am bald and dark-complected, and appear older than I am). While having a number of full-body photos can work well for a woman's profile, for a man this tends to indicate he is hiding his face (because he is married or in a relationship.)

Please know that I have taken a number of photos (including photos by professional photographers) that include or focus on my face and women still seem to focus on my body.

To all the posters on this thread: Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

To address all the posts that found it unusual that we are discussing a relationship that ended 30+ years ago, please note read the original post again while keeping the title in mind.

To paraphrase my original post, I believe Larla asked me if I regretted selecting "quality" (i.e., a fulfilling long-term relationship) over "quantity" (i.e., a number of casual sexual relationships.)

I did not advocate that quality is better than quantity; I only discussed why I made the selection that I did.

With all the recent posts regarding the number of partners women have had over their lifetime, I thought that it would interesting to discuss given that I do not believe that their would have been as much interest if I had been a woman who did not have a varied sexual history during my college years because I was in love with a boyfriend.

1) you both read DCUM.

2) you login to DCUM and post very intimate details of your relationship that would be very obvious to Larla.

3) you’re not anonymous (like I mentioned above)

4) lol

The fact that I have and post under a user name Larla knows ensures she is aware of what I am posting. As noted in my original post, the reason I wrote what I did was to find what you, the DCUM reader, thought.

I had no desire to hide what I write from Larla. I only wish to anonymous to the general NoVA public.

I don't think you should have shared such personal details of the exGF's life, like that she was a rape survivor, with anyone. What if you and Larla run into that woman at some point? It is inappropriate to tell people something like that, in my opinion.

I think this is an excellent point, as I am from a mid-sized town in the deep south and Larla could have run into Karla May at some point. However, Karla May died of breast cancer about three years ago. Karla was a strong supporter of a rape survivor's rights and the courage she had in addressing this part of her past meant that what had happened to her was not a secret.

Just so you know, when you told her your number, she dramatically reduced her number so you wouldn't be hurt or horrified or judgy.

I believe that I would not have cared if her number was much, much greater than mine. Nothing to get hurt, horrified, or judgy about as I love her now.


Like I said in the original post, how she treats me right now is what I care about.

My question was more around how women feel, in general, when knowing that their man deeply loved someone else. I think casual sex does not leave much of an impression on a person.

However, sex with someone you love stays with you a lifetime. Most men are blind to the fact that fact; however, most women know what an impression sex with someone they love makes.

Would that hurt you to find out that I had other loves?

Not at all.

I can't tell from your post -- is Larla just asking lots of questions out of curiosity or out of jealousy?
If it's just curiosity, I think that's totally normal and fine, and I think by answering her questions, you and Larla can grow even closer.
If Larla seems jealous of Karla May, that would be a little silly and immature.

Larla is great and I think its likely 90% curiosity and 10% (or less) jealousy. The question we talked about was if women (in general) would be more interested (or jealous) knowing a man had more lover or one great love over a given time period.

Take a trip to Taco Bamba in Vienna.

Have the lady of the house go in first, alone, and sit at the bar. She should finish at least one of the margaritas that are discounted that night (not just good, but good for you!).

Then, the gentlemen of the house should enter. The lady can pretend to ignore him, but subtlety gaze his way ever now and then.

After they have given enough time for the tension to build, she walks over to where he is siting and she whispers "I want your burrito, now."

Then you head home.

Remember to take home some chips and quac for the babysitter and kids.

I am a divorced man in mid 50s, both kids are out of the house in college or grad school. I recently started dating a divorced woman in her early 50s (Larla) with a son still in high school.

We read DCUM and last night she brought up the posts regarding the number of sexual partners a person has had during their dating life. She asked me what was “my number.” Larla got married later and divorced earlier than I did so my guess was that her number was going to be higher than mine. It was (my number was 9, hers 15.) I shared my feelings on this issue, which are that a person’s history does not matter (outside of STD issues); instead, how a woman treats me now is what matters to me. She agreed.

Then, she started asking me about my dating past, and found out that I only had one girlfriend from my senior year of high school until the summer before my junior year of college (most of my dating was done in grad school.) Larla asked if I regretted not “getting around more” and was surprised when I told her I did not. When she asked why, I told her the truth – I loved my first girlfriend (Karla May) deeply and we had a wonderful relationship that, for me, was better anything else I could have had going on at the time. Karla May was a rape survivor, and it took an incredible amount of courage on her part to trust me enough to have sex. I treasured that trust, and she was great to me while we were together.

Now, Larla wants to know more and more about this Karla May (e.g., why did we break up, did we talk about getting married, did my parents like her.)

To me, it seems that the number of sexual partners might not be as big an issue if someone drills down to find, uncomfortably, that their partner deeply cared about a past lover.

So, ladies of DCUM, would you be concerned if you found out what Larla found out? I realize the answer is for her to let it go; however, she believes most women would want to know more about the “Karla May” in question.

First, there is no need to copy and paste an entire post. It takes up space and any poster that is interested can look up post to see what was said. Try just pasting the last part of the post and make things easier for everyone.

The issue with the PP (at 9:25) and OP is not that they are bad people. It is the hypocrisy. Read their posts. What comes through loud and clear is that they are not accepting any responsibility for what the have done.

Do not say "A force greater than ourselves brought us together." Say the truth: I fell in love with a married man, I wanted to be with him and I helped him end his marriage so he could be with me. It hurt his XDW and I understand and accept that it did.

The OP's hypocrisy is worse. She talks about how great her AP is and what a mistake that she made choosing her husband.

Be candid. He made a mistake choosing you - someone who would have a multiyear affair and be with him, even now, when she is considering leaving him for what she considers a better deal. Say the truth: I like boinking my AP and I do it because I believe, at some level, I deserve better. Maybe you do, OP. I do not know. I but I do that he sure does.

Let's see if we get an answer from the OP on this one. I bet not. DCUM is brutal and I affirm that this post is as well. However, OP should not have come here expecting people to be sympathetic to someone who can treat those she promised to care about so poorly.

This is the equivalent of getting a tattoo. What seems like a good idea at one time is not at another, but it's permanent.

Just put my name and the dates on my gravestone.

Hi Tattoo Expert. Do you have one?

Before you start with "They are trashy, etc." think about why people may get them. I have a number of friends that have them to remember children they have lost. Not one of them has thought getting the tat was a bad idea later (even decades later.) Tattoos are permanent and so are certain kinds of loss. One can help easy the pain of another.

I am 61 and am conflicted about having to care for a man in their later years, remember the expiration date on men is a lot sooner than women that's why all the women are out there..

How about living for the here and now? I am 53 and not looking for anyone to take care of me down the road. The answer is to work out hard RIGHT NOW (check the stats on men who are in the highest levels of fitness for their age group in their 50s and how well they do health-wise later on. Move now to live well later.)

I would love to meet a lady in her early 50s who is looking for something real at this moment, not worried about what might happen in 10 years. I can care for myself just fine and will be able to do so in later in life.

I would like to share that future with someone I enjoyed the past decade getting to know and who is looking forward to another decade (or two) with me where we are enjoying life (and just sitting together at the doctor's office waiting on blood work.)