In my 30s, I haven't really found that men have less interest in me. Maybe fewer overall, but they seem to be of a much higher quality. They appreciate that older women don't have the insecurities and drama that younger women often bring to the table. And they aren't all old guys, many are in their 20s.

So you feel validated when younger men so interest in you...how? At your age, you should be very aware that a man showing interest in having sex with you is very different than a man showing interest in having anything else with you (unless the 20 something guys are asking you to marry them.) Are you married now? If so, how are they approaching you to show interest?

OP - Worried about how much money a man should make before you select him for what exactly (what would he be a catch for)? To have sex with? To marry? My bet - you have banged your way through your MBA class and none of your partners stayed for breakfast (or to fill out the 10 year personal income projection matrix you wanted them to complete.) How about looking at something beyond money, like finding someone you care about and who cares about you?

For example, a solder might make a excellent partner for you except for the fact he does not make as much money as you think is needed. However, his sense of duty to his country and pride in what he does could be wonderful items for someone looking for a spouse. Sadly, we do not pay those who protect us well so if that is very important than this is not advice you can use.

I don't care what any of my previous partners think about me sexually. Obviously it bothers you that I wouldn't ever marry again and would be content staying single. I'm damaged because if my spouse died I wouldn't remarry? It's statistically true that most men go from relationship to relationship once they have had a serious partner or have been married.

Were the PP that said that men are focused on sex and their need for female approval? That was stupid. Please prove that statistically.

I do not care if you would get married again.

You said that most men were terrible in bed as if your previous partners cared about what you think or how you rated them. Yet you do not care what they think?

Self-centered = you.

OMG. Glad you told me.

So as long as I (a man) stay interested in sex I get to live? Cool. I am headed to Earl's and Bushel and Barrel in Tysons 1 ASAP.

This is strange. As a married woman, I can assure you marriage and men in general are overrated. If my husband dropped dead tomorrow I would enjoy the life insurance payout and never entertain marriage ever again. Most men are terrible in bed so not sure I'd entertain sex either unless I found a unicorn man. While men tend to live their entire lives focused on sex and female approval, most women do not. Many of us really just don't.l care.

PP - how does your DH feel in this marriage? Would he take the insurance payout from your death on the way to finding love with someone new without missing a beat? You complain about men (e.g., when you say "Most men are terrible in bed") but likely do not have a realistic outlook on your own marketability.

How do you know that men live their entire lives focused on sex and female approval while most women do not (what? - seek male approval?) I hope you really do not believe this crap and are just a garden variety troll.

When you state that most men are terrible in bed, do you mean the ones you have banged are terrible in bed (since you do not direct data on any others)?

How would your former f-buddies rate you? My bet, you think you were the highlight of their lives and still do and they cannot remember your name.

Most women are not damaged goods at any age. However, some (like this poster) are damaged at whatever age they are.

This. My dad drove my mom bat-shit crazy denying his many affairs. When I found (without snooping hard, just being smart)

Without snooping hard? Look, reading someone else's mail, journal, texts, etc. is breach of their privacy. The only difference is that the PPs (mostly women) inferred that bf was reading the gf's journal just to invade her privacy and for nothing more without ever hearing (from the bf) what he was looking for.

If the post had been about a DW who found out her husband was cheating by reading his journal, nothing would be said. If you believe that a person has the right to read private messages (and writing in a journal is a private message to oneself) to uncover cheating, then say it. But mean it. Include every message in this domain.

No one can hide behind "Some items re more private than others because they are more likely to provide evidence of cheating" and be honest.

Maybe the gf worked at the NSA (or had made her phone and email unhackable) and there was no way the bf could ever find evidence she was cheating outside of the journal. Maybe she was pregnant with other man's baby and he wanted to know. All we have is the gf pissed her privacy was breached. If she had snooped on the bf's phone for any reason he could feel the same way.

How is it unfair that having little money and lots of fat isn't high on many people's hot lists?

I have no problem with what anyone puts on their hot list. There is a a problem with the sexist hypocrisy on DCUM. Some women on this forum (and on this thread) have no problem stating that fat, non-rich men do not turn them on.

Cool.

My question is can these same women agree that when a rich, thin DH in his mid-40s dumps his mid-40s wife for a smoking hot early 30s new wife he is well within his rights? If a man were to say "I cannot sleep with my DW because she does look as good as when we got hitched 15 years ago and I want and can afford someone that does" this board would light up.

Let's get the "it is different. A woman cannot help getting old but a man can help getting fat" out of the way right now.

You have no idea what caused each man's weight gain. All you can see is the result. Therefore, you do not know if he had a biological issue that was not resolved, etc. that caused the problem. If a person is only judging him on the way he looks now, then they cannot say much if someone does the same to them.

Op here. It actually popped up when I typed in his name. Most arrest records and public. I went to the website and I seen them. I know it's him based on his name, number, birthday, and state he lives

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Thank you. I think I may have been watching too much Mr. Robot and thought there was some great website to use.

What have you added?

BTW - People "huff" and "puff" when they breathe. Not when they write.

Let's see what word you put in ALL CAPS this time.

In my circle of friends, a guy has just started dating a woman. While talking about her with us, the guys agreed that it's a bit concerning that she has invited him over to her place because that's slutty, but she hasn't yet slept with (or even kissed) him which is a very good sign. General consensus is that any girl who would sleep with a guy within the first few dates isn't dating material, and that ideally they should wait anywhere form a few weeks to a few months.

OP - I am just curious. Did your married friends discuss how long before they had sex with their DH/DW when they were dating? I am just wondering if they waited the few weeks/few months noted.

Hi.

How do you find this information (e.g., criminal records, etc.) on-line?

I cannot even find a website that will tell me who owns a phone number when a random call appears on my cell. I have been getting a number of calls lately (e.g., this is the IRS, you owe us millions, call now) and would love to know how I can find out who the number belongs to before I call back.

I realize this is not as important as an answer to the OP and I thank anyone who can tell me how they were able to obtain this type of info on-line.

Yes, the tone of my first paragraph is condescending. I agree.

The rest of the post is not, or was not meant to be.

Nope. They are wonderful.

You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you.

You sound like you have some kind of anger issue and should seek professional help. It's not like someone insulted YOUR child. People are entitled to different opinions. Chill the eff out.

Are you a mental health professional? Most likely, no. When suggesting someone seek professional help, you are implying an expertise that you do not have. It makes you sound condescending and it is stupid thing to do. At the end of your post, you tell me to "chill the eff out." Consider what you said since you might want to focus on your own anger issues before offering any suggestions.

I work as an advocate for children's services and have found that applying terms like "baggage" to children can act as a buffer to treating them as humans. That is a professional opinion based on years of study and experience.

Nobody insulted my children. However, if the term is offensive it does not matter if it is applied to my children or to someone else's children.

However, other people may have a different opinion regarding the word and feel that the term is not harmful to use. Okay. As you noted, people are entitled to different opinions.

I have kids and they are wonderful but of course they are baggage to other people.
Just like their kids would be baggage to me.
Did you think others would love them as much as you do?

No. I never asked for anyone to love anyone else's children.

I just hoped they would respect them enough not to call them baggage.

Kids are the heaviest baggage one can have.

Nope. They are wonderful.

You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you.

Wow. Do really consider another person's kids baggage?

Do you have kids now? Are they baggage?

Not PP, but you say this in a way that makes me think you're trying to make the PP feel like a huge a-hole. Considering kids as baggage is a completely valid and reasonable opinion. Aside from the care and consideration you have to take to plan around the actual children and provide for them, there's a likelihood of dealing with some kind of ex drama. That other person is always going to be in your life. It'll never just be your little family. Maybe they're the jealous type and they will make it difficult for you to be in the children's lives or to be a stepparent. Maybe they still have feelings. Maybe the in laws are going to constantly be comparing you two. It's completely fine to NOT want to risk dealing with all that.

Both you and the prior poster are huge a$$holes. The fact you would call another person's children "baggage" is disgusting.

Neither of you answered the question about having kids now. I hope not. Your level of entitlement is so shocking you have no business being a parent, step or otherwise.

How do you deal with the widowers and widows you know who are parents? You appear so self-centered it is unlikely you would ever feel any type of empathic awareness regarding someone who lost a spouse and was left a single parent. However, please try to think away to refer to their children as something other than baggage.

You don't want to date a single parent. Fine. Call someone's child "baggage" and get called out for the complete a$$hat you are.