Are single people in their thirties really the “undesirables”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went down the list of current posts in this forum. Page after page of dysfunctional marriages, unhappy parents, and selfish idiots. Yet it's the people who wisely opt out of settling for a hot mess who are undesirable. Okay.

Why Why WHY is the burden always on the mother?!
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/920467.page

Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/919989.page

If your spouse has mental health issues that are not fully controlled
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/915424.page

I need a break
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/920347.page

Anyone have a DH that’s just combative all the time?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/920420.page

Husband insisted on having dinner at in-laws even though I was unwell
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/920414.page

s/o: sexless marriages, did you know this happens often?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/919372.page

Are single people in their thirties really the “undesirables”?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/919612.page

PP, you're clearly committed to this thread. It's a shame you can't transfer such focus and commitment toward something meaningful and productive.

PP, I make money while I sleep. That is meaningful and productive. You don’t know who I am or how I focus my time, so stop with the insults.

Trust fund interest?

[Anonymous]

If you’ve seen any episodes of this seasons bachelor, you would know that isn’t true. Both Clare and the men are FINE!!! Now, more picky...that may be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all the heathy well adjusted attractive people really just find themselves in marriages by their late twenties? All that are left are the weird losers?

Yes, that is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the heathy well adjusted attractive people really just find themselves in marriages by their late twenties? All that are left are the weird losers?

Yes, that is correct.

So some desperate young guy married you in your 20s. Big deal. You act like you won the Nobel Prize.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really believe in generalizations one way or the other, but theoretically, I think that people who are single in their thirties after lots of dating might have unrealistic expectations on unresolved issues. As you get older, the pool gets smaller, and high expectations are exceedingly difficult to meet. It can be a vicious cycle. I dated a lot until I met my DH in my mid twenties. It’s hard to imagine that things would’ve been much different had I continued to date more people.

There are of course exceptions. Long term relationships that don’t work out and take awhile to move past, people who move to diff cities for work or graduate school, etc... most of our friends met their spouses in our mid/late twenties and married in late twenties/early thirties.

Wouldn’t say that single people in their thirties are undesirables, but there might just be statistically fewer single people that you’re looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

10 years of bottomless mimosas and bellinis, traveling, shoes, hookups with random men, and those $10K and $20K salary bumps from promotions*, were *so* worth it! Kids during peak fertility? What am I, some Bible-thumping hick? As if!

*spent on IVF

As someone who married in their mid/late twenties and had fertility issues off the bat (during “peak fertility” years, I find this comment obnoxious. You can have fertility issues in your twenties, and you can be perfectly fertile in your mid thirties. Trust me. My older coworkers were all pregnant easily while I struggled, unknown to them. Slightly off topic, but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

10 years of bottomless mimosas and bellinis, traveling, shoes, hookups with random men, and those $10K and $20K salary bumps from promotions*, were *so* worth it! Kids during peak fertility? What am I, some Bible-thumping hick? As if!

*spent on IVF

As someone who married in their mid/late twenties and had fertility issues off the bat (during “peak fertility” years, I find this comment obnoxious. You can have fertility issues in your twenties, and you can be perfectly fertile in your mid thirties. Trust me. My older coworkers were all pregnant easily while I struggled, unknown to them. Slightly off topic, but...

That person is one of the MGTOW/incel types. Talking about shoes and mimosas is one of their tells. I'm surprised he didn't use the word "brunch." Brunch ALWAYS triggers them.

They spew word salad about women like:
c*ck carousel
brunch
shrew
journey
international travel
my self-care
Chad

He's already getting his kicks off these replies.

[Anonymous]

I think its more, people who marry earlier tend to have matured earlier. They are making high incomes and can hold down jobs, they are emotionally mature and can sustain a deep connection with another, they have the tools to function in a relationship and make big decisions with another person in mind.

Many people arrive at this later. The people I know who married later in life had a longer "figuring themselves out" period. Men AND women.

The men are usually immature and do not have a career or life goals figured out. The women have low self esteem and keep running after jerks. Finally something clicks and they arrive at the alter the way their mentally more mature peers did earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its more, people who marry earlier tend to have matured earlier. They are making high incomes and can hold down jobs, they are emotionally mature and can sustain a deep connection with another, they have the tools to function in a relationship and make big decisions with another person in mind.

Many people arrive at this later. The people I know who married later in life had a longer "figuring themselves out" period. Men AND women.

The men are usually immature and do not have a career or life goals figured out. The women have low self esteem and keep running after jerks. Finally something clicks and they arrive at the alter the way their mentally more mature peers did earlier.

This could not be further from my own experiences. There may be some outliers, but in my experience it is the most immature people who have the narrowest world views who marry at young ages. Of the 5ish people I know who married right after college, it was very clearly a way to have something and someone "known" while going out into the scary real world; 2 years was the record for these Mulligan Marriages. A mature person would have acknowledged that the next few years would bring about many changes and they would have wanted to focus on career, friends, travel. DEFINITELY not my experience that these people who are marrying in their early 20s are high earners who have their shit together, quite the opposite. They also seem to be the ones who go on to have epic mid-life crisis where you have 40 year old men acting like frat bros looking to relive the "glory days" and desperate wine moms clamoring for "girls night!" so they can flirt and get handsy with the waiter. They settled and didn't get to have those fun experiences, so they'll look to recoup that time later. Very unflattering. I work with tons of high earning men and women and none of them were married at 25. Not one. They were definitely not immature and without life goals, in fact they were working REALLY hard in their 20s to set themselves up for for the best possible outcome for life down the road when they eventually did want to marry and start a family.

[Anonymous]

Kamala Harris, first marriage age 49, enough said.

The more of a catch you are, the harder it is to find your match. I am in my 40s and have never wanted to have kids and it would take someone very special to make me want to get married. For context, I have everything going for me and I am happy having my own complete independent life. Sad so many people think it is a reflection of who you are if you are not married by a certain age. Also, living in DC since my early 20s has probably made me uninterested in marriage when I get hit on so frequently by married men in this town when going about my day minding my own business. Probably by the “dear husbands” of many so smugly posting on this thread, hah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kamala Harris, first marriage age 49, enough said.

The more of a catch you are, the harder it is to find your match. I am in my 40s and have never wanted to have kids and it would take someone very special to make me want to get married. For context, I have everything going for me and I am happy having my own complete independent life. Sad so many people think it is a reflection of who you are if you are not married by a certain age. Also, living in DC since my early 20s has probably made me uninterested in marriage when I get hit on so frequently by married men in this town when going about my day minding my own business. Probably by the “dear husbands” of many so smugly posting on this thread, hah!

Cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only singles I know in their late thirties do have some issues.

+100 agree. Issues!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its more, people who marry earlier tend to have matured earlier. They are making high incomes and can hold down jobs, they are emotionally mature and can sustain a deep connection with another, they have the tools to function in a relationship and make big decisions with another person in mind.

Many people arrive at this later. The people I know who married later in life had a longer "figuring themselves out" period. Men AND women.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kamala Harris, first marriage age 49, enough said.

The more of a catch you are, the harder it is to find your match. I am in my 40s and have never wanted to have kids and it would take someone very special to make me want to get married. For context, I have everything going for me and I am happy having my own complete independent life. Sad so many people think it is a reflection of who you are if you are not married by a certain age. Also, living in DC since my early 20s has probably made me uninterested in marriage when I get hit on so frequently by married men in this town when going about my day minding my own business. Probably by the “dear husbands” of many so smugly posting on this thread, hah!

She has issues. Many older, single women can be great at their jobs but have issues. There are lots of single, never-married women in their 30's-40's who are extremely high achievers professionally, but they're not good partners for marriage and children. Not wanting children is typically indicative of an unhappy childhood.

[Anonymous]

My bestie married on her 50th birthday. She married a partner in her firm. They have an amazing life. She is still working, he retired. They moved from SF to Austin and have an amazing -- and more affordable -- life. 2nd marriage or him, first for her.

I married at 54 but not on my birthday. lol. We re-connected at our 35th high school reunion. It's great to have sex regularly again! 1st marriage for both of us.