Why Why WHY is the burden always on the mother?!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I earn the same amount - before anyone starts to say I am a SAHM or some BS. I work full-time as a nurse manager in a hospital and am also going to school to complete my MSN.

I've had it with my husbands fishing and hunting trips. He has gone on 4 in the past 2 months. He is only home every other weekend. I am so tired. He left the garbage bins at the end of our driveway when he normally brings them in. He left me a completely overflowing garbage in the morning he left and full dishwasher (normally his job!)- when our nanny came in she so helpfully pointed out to me that these two things needed to be done. Which I did, right before I was trying to leave for work.

I have been chasing our toddler the entire weekend, studying until 11:30PM at night. I had a sitter come this morning from 8-12. My son was up at 6. I am exhausted. I haven't had a chance to shower. My son, of course, falls asleep at 10. Sleeps for half the time the sitter is here. I will be chasing him all afternoon and won't be able to get the rest of the homework that I planned on doing, or tidying up the house or getting anything done. When my husband is coming home later this evening from his FOURTH weekend away in two short months.

WHY is the burden always on me? Why is my husband so completely useless? He can never decide what to make for dinner - it's always "pizza", when I ask him what he wants. He is a 12 year old boy. Sure, I will take care of our son without any breaks, every other weekend, keep the house clean, make sure there's groceries in the fridge and the sitter and housekeeper are paid and happy.

Then my husband will inevitably come home and complain that I spent too much money on online shopping (which is my ONLY vice) - when he just spent around $400 on new gear and various crap for his stupid hunting trips.

I need a weekend alone in an isolated cabin. Except our son will not go down at night with my husband.

I now get why some parents just want to run away. The overwhelming responsibility of my job, school, my son, and cleaning up my husbands inadequacies in his absence are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

While I do agree that women face disproportionate burdens at home and with kids, this is not a normal situation. Your DH is being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I do agree that women face disproportionate burdens at home and with kids, this is not a normal situation. Your DH is being a jerk.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I do agree that women face disproportionate burdens at home and with kids, this is not a normal situation. Your DH is being a jerk.

This.

[Anonymous]

Because men are selfish idiots. Full stop.

In my 20s I used to wonder WTf my aunts issue was saying that all the time. She grew up w many brothers and married a workaholic litigator who goes to the gym at 2am daily. They never had kids and each do their own thing and then sometimes some trips together.

Then I got married, and know exactly what she means.

[Anonymous]

Because....the patriarchy. However, he sounds below average even for typical dad curve. My DH would never pull that crap. I’m stuck with most household tasks but he does his fair share of kid work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I earn the same amount - before anyone starts to say I am a SAHM or some BS. I work full-time as a nurse manager in a hospital and am also going to school to complete my MSN.

I've had it with my husbands fishing and hunting trips. He has gone on 4 in the past 2 months. He is only home every other weekend. I am so tired. He left the garbage bins at the end of our driveway when he normally brings them in. He left me a completely overflowing garbage in the morning he left and full dishwasher (normally his job!)- when our nanny came in she so helpfully pointed out to me that these two things needed to be done. Which I did, right before I was trying to leave for work.

I have been chasing our toddler the entire weekend, studying until 11:30PM at night. I had a sitter come this morning from 8-12. My son was up at 6. I am exhausted. I haven't had a chance to shower. My son, of course, falls asleep at 10. Sleeps for half the time the sitter is here. I will be chasing him all afternoon and won't be able to get the rest of the homework that I planned on doing, or tidying up the house or getting anything done. When my husband is coming home later this evening from his FOURTH weekend away in two short months.

WHY is the burden always on me? Why is my husband so completely useless? He can never decide what to make for dinner - it's always "pizza", when I ask him what he wants. He is a 12 year old boy. Sure, I will take care of our son without any breaks, every other weekend, keep the house clean, make sure there's groceries in the fridge and the sitter and housekeeper are paid and happy.

Then my husband will inevitably come home and complain that I spent too much money on online shopping (which is my ONLY vice) - when he just spent around $400 on new gear and various crap for his stupid hunting trips.

I need a weekend alone in an isolated cabin. Except our son will not go down at night with my husband.

I now get why some parents just want to run away. The overwhelming responsibility of my job, school, my son, and cleaning up my husbands inadequacies in his absence are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I earn the same amount - before anyone starts to say I am a SAHM or some BS. I work full-time as a nurse manager in a hospital and am also going to school to complete my MSN.

I've had it with my husbands fishing and hunting trips. He has gone on 4 in the past 2 months. He is only home every other weekend. I am so tired. He left the garbage bins at the end of our driveway when he normally brings them in. He left me a completely overflowing garbage in the morning he left and full dishwasher (normally his job!)- when our nanny came in she so helpfully pointed out to me that these two things needed to be done. Which I did, right before I was trying to leave for work.

I have been chasing our toddler the entire weekend, studying until 11:30PM at night. I had a sitter come this morning from 8-12. My son was up at 6. I am exhausted. I haven't had a chance to shower. My son, of course, falls asleep at 10. Sleeps for half the time the sitter is here. I will be chasing him all afternoon and won't be able to get the rest of the homework that I planned on doing, or tidying up the house or getting anything done. When my husband is coming home later this evening from his FOURTH weekend away in two short months.

WHY is the burden always on me? Why is my husband so completely useless? He can never decide what to make for dinner - it's always "pizza", when I ask him what he wants. He is a 12 year old boy. Sure, I will take care of our son without any breaks, every other weekend, keep the house clean, make sure there's groceries in the fridge and the sitter and housekeeper are paid and happy.

Then my husband will inevitably come home and complain that I spent too much money on online shopping (which is my ONLY vice) - when he just spent around $400 on new gear and various crap for his stupid hunting trips.

I need a weekend alone in an isolated cabin. Except our son will not go down at night with my husband.

I now get why some parents just want to run away. The overwhelming responsibility of my job, school, my son, and cleaning up my husbands inadequacies in his absence are exhausting.

Okay, you’re doing this to yourself. Your son will not be awake for 48 hours. You need to leave and let them work it out. It will be fine if they eat pizza for every meal and bedtime takes a while.

[Anonymous]

You should be more pissed at your nanny.

She can unload the dishwasher once in a while or bring the trash cans in. And she shouldn’t have put your son down for his nap several hours early. This is why people have nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because....the patriarchy. However, he sounds below average even for typical dad curve. My DH would never pull that crap. I’m stuck with most household tasks but he does his fair share of kid work.

I hate the patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be more pissed at your nanny.

She can unload the dishwasher once in a while or bring the trash cans in. And she shouldn’t have put your son down for his nap several hours early. This is why people have nannies.

My son fell asleep while out on a walk, and the babysitter I have coming today is not our regular nanny.

Our regular nanny is a different story. She's not helpful at all. She leaves laundry all over the couch and spends the entire 2 hours my son naps on her phone or laptop. She does not help with any small chores.

[Anonymous]

Plan some trips op. Don’t be a martyr. You have a nanny and a sitter. It’s not all on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be more pissed at your nanny.

She can unload the dishwasher once in a while or bring the trash cans in. And she shouldn’t have put your son down for his nap several hours early. This is why people have nannies.

No she shouldn't. She should check her husband adding the husbands chores to the nannies is a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be more pissed at your nanny.

She can unload the dishwasher once in a while or bring the trash cans in. And she shouldn’t have put your son down for his nap several hours early. This is why people have nannies.

My son fell asleep while out on a walk, and the babysitter I have coming today is not our regular nanny.

Our regular nanny is a different story. She's not helpful at all. She leaves laundry all over the couch and spends the entire 2 hours my son naps on her phone or laptop. She does not help with any small chores.

Fire her and get a good nanny who will do the kid’s laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be more pissed at your nanny.

She can unload the dishwasher once in a while or bring the trash cans in. And she shouldn’t have put your son down for his nap several hours early. This is why people have nannies.

My son fell asleep while out on a walk, and the babysitter I have coming today is not our regular nanny.

Our regular nanny is a different story. She's not helpful at all. She leaves laundry all over the couch and spends the entire 2 hours my son naps on her phone or laptop. She does not help with any small chores.

Did the nanny wash the laundry? If you want a nanny/ housekeeper then hire one.
I was originally on your side but you sound insufferable.