Found out guy I'm dating has criminal record..

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[Post New]07/05/2017 11:10
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they were in the VERY distant past and didn't involve drugs, just alcohol, I'd probably consider it. I actually work in a law enforcement field but I understand (and know) many people who have managed to successfully conquer their demons. Nobody is perfect and if he has his life together and is a successful, contributing member of society now, I don't necessarily think he should be punished for the rest of his life. I certainly wouldn't want everyone in my life holding my past sins against me forever, although nothing I've done is criminal in nature, people do grow and change. Every situation is different.

I'm certain I'm in the minority and a lot of the upper class, snobby, "I'm so perfect" DCUM crowd that lives in a bubble will flame me and disagree.



I don't disagree with you, but the OP says he was just arrested *yesterday* and one of his other offenses is drug possession, so nothing you wrote is relevant.


Yeah, I followed up because I realized that. Chill.
[Post New]07/05/2017 11:15
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Anonymous
I'd be unresponsive for the rest of his vacation, and either end it via phone/email when he returns and is getting the message or see him in person for coffee or something and end it. When you do, I'd set him up to say "Is something wrong?" to which you can respond "Yes. I am not into you anymore/things have changed/I'm into someone else" - whatever you have to say. I'd refrain from making it about his DUI and record: that seems likely he'll re-approach you saying he's changed. If you're just clear that you're not into HIM, he might be less likely to make it about the DUI later.
[Post New]07/05/2017 11:22
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ddintysons
Member Offline
Hi.

How do you find this information (e.g., criminal records, etc.) on-line?

I cannot even find a website that will tell me who owns a phone number when a random call appears on my cell. I have been getting a number of calls lately (e.g., this is the IRS, you owe us millions, call now) and would love to know how I can find out who the number belongs to before I call back.

I realize this is not as important as an answer to the OP and I thank anyone who can tell me how they were able to obtain this type of info on-line.
[Post New]07/05/2017 11:54
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they were in the VERY distant past and didn't involve drugs, just alcohol, I'd probably consider it. I actually work in a law enforcement field but I understand (and know) many people who have managed to successfully conquer their demons. Nobody is perfect and if he has his life together and is a successful, contributing member of society now, I don't necessarily think he should be punished for the rest of his life. I certainly wouldn't want everyone in my life holding my past sins against me forever, although nothing I've done is criminal in nature, people do grow and change. Every situation is different.

I'm certain I'm in the minority and a lot of the upper class, snobby, "I'm so perfect" DCUM crowd that lives in a bubble will flame me and disagree.




Op here. He told me this morning he got arrested but not why yet. His other offenses I was able to see appear to be in 2008, 2006, 2004, and 2003. There is up to 5 more records I can't view.


Then it's understandable you would look him up! It's not snooping.
[Post New]07/05/2017 11:58
quote
Anonymous
ddintysons wrote:Hi.

How do you find this information (e.g., criminal records, etc.) on-line?

I cannot even find a website that will tell me who owns a phone number when a random call appears on my cell. I have been getting a number of calls lately (e.g., this is the IRS, you owe us millions, call now) and would love to know how I can find out who the number belongs to before I call back.

I realize this is not as important as an answer to the OP and I thank anyone who can tell me how they were able to obtain this type of info on-line.



Op here. It actually popped up when I typed in his name. Most arrest records and public. I went to the website and I seen them. I know it's him based on his name, number, birthday, and state he lives.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:01
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
aakAnonymous wrote:NP here - I am dating a woman for almost 3 months and met online. I looked her up and saw a DUI on casesearch 10 years ago, but she hasn't mentioned it and I didn't bring it up. I also have a record (misdemeanor and traffic, no felony charges) and brought it up in general, but she didn't ask about it in detail. Why would you not give the guy the benefit of the doubt, like I am with my gf? Everyone makes mistakes and its not for us to judge that person.


Op here. One of my ex boyfriends had a DUI from when he was 18. I am fine with that because it was a past mistake that he committed when he was young. What is concerning about this current guy is his repeated offenses. He is 36 and has at least 5 offenses. I am a two years away from getting my PharmD and can't be around someone with multiple DUI and drug offenses.


Wait, what? Why are you even entertaining this? NO.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:02
quote
Anonymous
ddintysons wrote:Hi.

How do you find this information (e.g., criminal records, etc.) on-line?

I cannot even find a website that will tell me who owns a phone number when a random call appears on my cell. I have been getting a number of calls lately (e.g., this is the IRS, you owe us millions, call now) and would love to know how I can find out who the number belongs to before I call back.

I realize this is not as important as an answer to the OP and I thank anyone who can tell me how they were able to obtain this type of info on-line.


Most states have court records available for free somewhere online. I know Maryland does. I found out a BF had 10-year-old convictions for stalking, harassment, and cruelty to animals that way once. Nothing since, but that was an instant end to anything. Someone who's capable of that at any point in their life is not someone I need anywhere near me.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:03
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
aakAnonymous wrote:NP here - I am dating a woman for almost 3 months and met online. I looked her up and saw a DUI on casesearch 10 years ago, but she hasn't mentioned it and I didn't bring it up. I also have a record (misdemeanor and traffic, no felony charges) and brought it up in general, but she didn't ask about it in detail. Why would you not give the guy the benefit of the doubt, like I am with my gf? Everyone makes mistakes and its not for us to judge that person.


Op here. One of my ex boyfriends had a DUI from when he was 18. I am fine with that because it was a past mistake that he committed when he was young. What is concerning about this current guy is his repeated offenses. He is 36 and has at least 5 offenses. I am a two years away from getting my PharmD and can't be around someone with multiple DUI and drug offenses.


Wait, what? Why are you even entertaining this? NO.


Sorry, I realized you were asking how to break it off.

I agree with the poster who said to be real cold and stand-offish during his vacation. Let him drift away.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:12
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Anonymous
Why not just tell him, in person or on the phone ( no text) that you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone with dui or drug offenses due to your pharmacy degree? It's a valid reason to break up (especially after just one month of dating).
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:42
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Anonymous
you must surely love his c*ck to be on the fence about this, because it makes no sense otherwise why in the hell you would be waffling about this decision.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:51
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Anonymous
Sounds like he has alcohol abuse issues. He needs to clean up first. I would encourage him to seek help, and tell him to call you when he's in a better place. I think people just starting AA often wait a bit before dating so they can work on themselves.
[Post New]07/05/2017 12:53
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has alcohol abuse issues. He needs to clean up first. I would encourage him to seek help, and tell him to call you when he's in a better place. I think people just starting AA often wait a bit before dating so they can work on themselves.

+1
[Post New]07/05/2017 13:01
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Anonymous
I wouldn't make it about the offense, just text him later and make it about you and be done. That is, if you want to do it today. But you are absolutely doing the right thing to end it. I married a guy who had a DUI and I rationalized it and lived to regret it.
[Post New]07/05/2017 13:22
quote
ddintysons
Member Offline
Op here. It actually popped up when I typed in his name. Most arrest records and public. I went to the website and I seen them. I know it's him based on his name, number, birthday, and state he lives
.


Thank you. I think I may have been watching too much Mr. Robot and thought there was some great website to use.
[Post New]07/05/2017 13:36
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Anonymous
No need to ever date someone who's past (and present) you have to explain away.

When your parents, friends or family ask about him and you say "well he's been arrested a few times but...."
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