Found out guy I'm dating has criminal record..

[Anonymous]

I am 28 and recently started seeing this guy I met online. He is successful ( owns his own personal training business), smart, attractive, good in bed, and many more. He was arrested for what I think was a DUI ( he hasn't told me what happened yet) just yesterday while on vacation. I looked it up to see if they had any news or records, and I found out he has at least 5 arrest records for DUI, possession of drugs, driving with a suspended license, etc. I no longer feel comfortable dating him, but I don't want him to think I was snooping. Should I break it off over text or in person?

[Anonymous]

How old is he? How long ago were the arrests? How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

Break it off however you want, but please break it off and stay safe. This is not someone you need in your life.

[Anonymous]

In person. ASAP.

[Anonymous]

If you've been seeing him less than a few months, you could break up with him on the phone. He has a drinking problem. Another thought: you met online, no reason you can't break up online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? How long ago were the arrests? How long have you been dating?

Op here. He is 36. It doesn't say how long he was in jail but I assuming not very long given the offenses. I've been dating him maybe a month. He is on vacation until this weekend, and I would rather break it off today.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to do it in person, especially under these circumstances. It doesn't matter what he thinks, honestly - and this is public record, you weren't snooping in his phone or anything.

How did you find out about yesterday's arrest?

[Anonymous]

If they were in the VERY distant past and didn't involve drugs, just alcohol, I'd probably consider it. I actually work in a law enforcement field but I understand (and know) many people who have managed to successfully conquer their demons. Nobody is perfect and if he has his life together and is a successful, contributing member of society now, I don't necessarily think he should be punished for the rest of his life. I certainly wouldn't want everyone in my life holding my past sins against me forever, although nothing I've done is criminal in nature, people do grow and change. Every situation is different.

I'm certain I'm in the minority and a lot of the upper class, snobby, "I'm so perfect" DCUM crowd that lives in a bubble will flame me and disagree.

[Anonymous]

If you're not interested in being in a relationship anymore based on this, just break up with him. If he got a DUI _yesterday_ and it's not his first one, I don't think it's unreasonable. If you were a longer term girlfriend, I'd think there would be a little more reason to stick by him while things are hard, but you basically just met him. I don't see any reason you need to do it in person, either. Just call him and tell him that between the DUI and what you found online when you looked him up after the DUI, you don't think y'all are a longterm match.

[Anonymous]

Oops, 10:20 again. I just noticed you said he was arrested yesterday.

I'd be very concerned. But for that I'd probably let his past go, but it doesn't sound like he took his punishment seriously or learned from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were in the VERY distant past and didn't involve drugs, just alcohol, I'd probably consider it. I actually work in a law enforcement field but I understand (and know) many people who have managed to successfully conquer their demons. Nobody is perfect and if he has his life together and is a successful, contributing member of society now, I don't necessarily think he should be punished for the rest of his life. I certainly wouldn't want everyone in my life holding my past sins against me forever, although nothing I've done is criminal in nature, people do grow and change. Every situation is different.

I'm certain I'm in the minority and a lot of the upper class, snobby, "I'm so perfect" DCUM crowd that lives in a bubble will flame me and disagree.

The OP states the most recent arrest was yesterday. This person clearly has not conquered his demons.

OP, you should bail. I don't think you owe it to him to see him face to face. Call or text is fine, you've only been dating a month.

[Anonymous]

Yup, a text is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 28 and recently started seeing this guy I met online. He is successful ( owns his own personal training business), smart, attractive, good in bed, and many more. He was arrested for what I think was a DUI ( he hasn't told me what happened yet) just yesterday while on vacation. I looked it up to see if they had any news or records, and I found out he has at least 5 arrest records for DUI, possession of drugs, driving with a suspended license, etc. I no longer feel comfortable dating him, but I don't want him to think I was snooping. Should I break it off over text or in person?

SNOOPING?
Girl, it's matter of PUBLIC RECORD.
Yes, break it off, FFS.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were in the VERY distant past and didn't involve drugs, just alcohol, I'd probably consider it. I actually work in a law enforcement field but I understand (and know) many people who have managed to successfully conquer their demons. Nobody is perfect and if he has his life together and is a successful, contributing member of society now, I don't necessarily think he should be punished for the rest of his life. I certainly wouldn't want everyone in my life holding my past sins against me forever, although nothing I've done is criminal in nature, people do grow and change. Every situation is different.

I'm certain I'm in the minority and a lot of the upper class, snobby, "I'm so perfect" DCUM crowd that lives in a bubble will flame me and disagree.

I don't disagree with you, but the OP says he was just arrested *yesterday* and one of his other offenses is drug possession, so nothing you wrote is relevant.

[Anonymous]

Boy bye. Not worth it. He will be sure to have an explanation (sob story) if you try to break up with him in person.

FTR I routinely look up men's criminal records, nothing wrong with that. I dumped someone immediately after finding a rape(!!) conviction. I did not dump someone with a domestic violence conviction and I regretted it.