Would you admit you have a child on the first date?
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Anonymous
+1 As a single 30 year old woman wth no kids, I'm only interested in baggage-free men. I'm still well within the age range to find someone with no ex wife and no children, and well within my right to have that preference. I do not want children myself, nor do I have any interest in raising someone else's. |
Anonymous
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I may be in the minority, but it seems to me that in this case, the onus does not lie on OP to have disclosed ahead of this date that she has a kid, since this guy asked her out without finding out much about her--and its not like she is 23 and having a child would be unusual or unexpected.
That being said, yes it is definitely something that should be said at the first date. But if I asked out someone I worked with based on a few interactions I would not expect them to tell me their entire life story ahead of time. I would also find it kind of presumptuous that someone was listing possible dealbreakers before going on what I would consider a very casual date. OP, go on the date, and mention your kid and go from there. I agree with others that you seem to blame having a child as a liability--it may have been in your mid 30s, dating men who are the same age, but as you get older you will find that it is less of a barrier--and you really dont want to date someone who is not okay with it! |
Anonymous
| I bring it up before the first date. Usually in the first phone conversation. |
Anonymous
But what if he asked "are you married?" and she just shook her head? Or answered, "no"? The way she's so evasive (I would say dishonest) suggests that she wouldn't have offered the info when I think most people would have said something more like "I was, but not anymore..." or "nah, I haven't had time to get married because I was pretty busy until now raising my daughter". If she said she was married before, then I think it's on him to ask how long they were married, in which case that would be the time to say how many years and that her daughter was born on year whatever. But if she just said she wasn't married, people would naturally assume that she was single with no children, even if she's not young. |
Anonymous
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Don't admit it.
Deny deny deny |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't date a 41 year old man who hadn't at least been engaged! I would expect him to likely have a kid and ex.
OP drop him a text: Hey FYI I have a daughter! If you want to bail on the date I totally understand! 
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ddintysons
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Both you and the prior poster are huge a$$holes. The fact you would call another person's children "baggage" is disgusting. Neither of you answered the question about having kids now. I hope not. Your level of entitlement is so shocking you have no business being a parent, step or otherwise. How do you deal with the widowers and widows you know who are parents? You appear so self-centered it is unlikely you would ever feel any type of empathic awareness regarding someone who lost a spouse and was left a single parent. However, please try to think away to refer to their children as something other than baggage. You don't want to date a single parent. Fine. Call someone's child "baggage" and get called out for the complete a$$hat you are. |
ddintysons
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Nope. They are wonderful. You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you. |
Anonymous
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I have kids and they are wonderful but of course they are baggage to other people.
Just like their kids would be baggage to me. Did you think others would love them as much as you do? |
Anonymous
| I'll see him tomorrow, I'll tell him about my daughter then. Wish me luck! |
ddintysons
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No. I never asked for anyone to love anyone else's children. I just hoped they would respect them enough not to call them baggage. |
Anonymous
| Good luck op!!! |
Anonymous
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Man here.
It's a kid, not an STD. Mention it casually during the first date. Don't make it sound like you're ashamed. "Is having kids a dealbreaker" sounds like you've been rejected a lot in the past and are ashamed. "My kids are my world, so you need to know that upfront" is also a bit overdone and sounds like there's no room for the new person. But "I passed by XYZ the other day on the way to pick up my daughter" is the Goldilocks option. For what it's worth, most guys assume a woman over a certain age has kids. The whole point of the first date is to find out what each person has to offer the potential relationship. If he's not interested, best to find out in the beginning. Good luck. |
Anonymous
That's ridiculous PP. If a woman with a kid is such a deal-breaker to him, he should have had in his ad (or said when he and OP first started talking) that women with a kid are a definite NO for him if that's how he feels. It's ridiculous to make OP feel bad about making him uncomfortable just because she brings up something important to her to share. She's not responsible for how he handles it, although if he handled it the way you describe that would be great info for OP that he should be a mega NO for her as well. |
Anonymous
I hear you OP. First date is fine. |