I plan to do #1, near my child if she seems settled in a place at the time I’m ready to move to a retirement community. I could see her wandering for a while, though, so maybe I will just need to pick a place and she will come visit when she can. |
Life has a way of throwing curveballs to folks who think they have it all figured out. |
You need to work on your reading comprehension |
If I’m not able to contribute in any way, then medically assisted dying is my plan. |
Move into a CCRC when still healthy. Pay the large upfront entry fee so all "higher level care" is fully covered without a price increase (well okay, the only price increase is paying for 3 full meals a day versus 1-1.5 that's currently included). My parents were LMC, frugal and saved as much as they could. We had to pay the $400K+ entry fee but they qualified for the smallest 2 bedroom/2 bath at a very nice facility. But now they have spent 5 years in independent living, are more social, no longer have yard work or home maintenance, and we know they are well cared for. If either needs nursing care/memory care/assisted living, the transition would happen within a day. The other would be able to visit them by walking inside the complex. If possible, the healthy one could bring them to the apartment for part of day and meals (sometime possible with even early memory care) but return them so they are safe the rest of the day. IMO everyone should attempt to enter a CCRC by early 70s. Also, should they "run out of money" they will never have to pay anymore to the facility and still get to live there. They facility does not touch SS income. Currently there are 4 members who have "run out of money" all are women 95+ (spouses have passed already). 2 are still in independent living, the other 2 are in advanced care. And it's true, you don't pay anything else. THat's what the high entry fee is for---to cover advanced care and someone living well into their 90s (most people don't and they make more from the entry fee). |
That's all great! But don't expect your kids to quit their jobs/move to PT or less work in order to care for you, once you need more than "just having someone around part of the day". Most 40-50 yo are not up to stopping work to care for parents. And in home care is expensive |
#1 sounds like a CCRC which I would not do. I’m not giving a random company $1M or more to hold onto for me.
I’d pay monthly for AL that can roll into higher care if needed. |
Your kids will thank you for this! Move when you can happily clean out your home and downsize. You can enjoy all the perks/benefits of a CCRC (I assume that's what you meant) in the independent living for a decade+ hopefully. Know that should you or your spouse need additional care, they will be well taken care of and nearby (in same complex) and the costs will not increase over your regular monthly costs. Parents being separated in different facilities is a real concern for many--when you need care you have to take a space that is available. But in a CCRC you are guaranteed a spot in the necessary level of care and they hold some for residents of independent living at all times |
The young adults pay therapists to emotionally support cutting out toxic people who make them feel stressed. Thank twice about an unpleasant aging related "honest conversation" if you kid has a therapist. It may be the last time you speak to your adult child. |
Only works if you and most of your siblings live nearby (within 10-15 miles). Otherwise the burden falls on one sibling and that is challenging |
Agree. Seems like that PP has a plan, but knows that they need to remain flexible based on what unfolds as they are 46, not 66. |
You should be ashamed. Tragedy is not that your mom got old and had to use HER OWN MONEY for her care. Tragedy is that you think your kids or you should have used that money. I have seen greedy children like you and you just disgust me. You keep harping about cars, homes, college for your kids that she could have funded. Well, that is your responsibility, not hers. If there is something you can criticize your mom about, it is that she raised you. |
Kind of. I wonder how much their kid or niece really wants to take care of them when they are older. It’s easy to agree to that when you are 46 and in the kid’s mind this is a problem that is 30 years away. The adult kid is also likely not appreciating that they themselves will be mid-50s at that point. It’s a little weird to chime in to this conversation at 46 if you aren’t providing some lessons from your own parents (whether good or bad). |
You are absolutely wrong. It is a tragedy that she spent 10 years and all of her money in way that she wouldn't have chosen to if she had the ability to choose. I'm sorry, PP. Your mom's bucket list sounds amazing and I bet she was an incredible woman. |
1) Do a Swedish Death Cleanse before you are 62. Declutter and become minimalistic, even if you are going to age in place.
2) Sell off all real estate that requires your care and maintainence, except the one you are staying at. Unless the , the real estate is earning for you and can be easily maintained by you. 3) Help ALL the kids for the following. Priortize in this order. - college, - childcare, - car, - seed money for downpayment for business, wedding, home to the best of your financial abilities so that they are independent and flourishing. They will be in a position to help you if you or your spouse need help. Practise Tough Love and cut off children if they have addiction or mental health issues. 4) Help your siblings with the above help if there is need and make sure they are independent and flourishing. This will make them partner in the care of your own elderly parents. Again, practise Tough Love if there is addiction or mental health issues. 5) All legal paperwork done and explained to children. POA, Will, Trust etc. Watch out against fraud, keep an eye on your credit report, don't have extra credit cards etc. 6) Does not matter if you financially help a kid more or less, BUT, you must divvy up your estate equally so that after your death there is no ill-will among your kids. 7) Keeo active, keep socially engaged, take care of your health, make full use of health benefits. 8) Have a team of people who can help with the care of your house, yard, cars, home security chores that can be outsourced. 9) Have systems in place so that you can age in place. That could be - - CCTV inside, ring cam, Monitored alarm system - Installing an ensuite bathroom in the main floor - Having a suite on the main floor for attendent, in-laws - Installing elevators if possible - Installing a ramp for wheelchairs. 10) Being able to live in a elder community, group living, condo, or multigen household if needed and making the change earlier rather than later. Understand that retirement is not going to stationary living in one place and you just fade away. The retirement plans can never take into account the whole gamut of frequent and drastic changes in living situations that happen IRL. 11) Understand deeply that when you age physically, your senses and mind also ages and u will not be able to make the decisions that you can make when you are younger. Fear, confusion and paronoia sets in too. Make decisions for old age when you can still do it. |