What's the best elder model to unburden our own children

[Anonymous]

All this makes one try to figure out what the best model may be to ensure our own children aren't burdened with our care.

Just talking out loud, curious on thoughts on:

- Move into a 55+ community that provides soups-to-nuts living arrangements...independent living when still capable, assisted living when the time comes, and nursing care when the time comes. Thinking that since elderly are resistant to change, it won't feel scary to just move a couple blocks up the street when the time comes, and perhaps these places have a more extensive network of elder care workers if in fact you wanted to stay in your home;

- Pick a community near where at least one of your kids live...or pick a community in a "vacation" type location...either a place that is convenient for kids to visit or they want to visit;

- Maybe not choose a 55+ commmunity...but maybe a community affiliated with an assisted living/nursing kind of facility, so no restrictions on who can live in the independent living area, but again, when the time comes you must move across the street (do these places exist?);

- Seems like once most people hit a certain age, their capability to make decisions freezes...so maybe make a pact to make the move no later than 70?

- Have honest conversations with your kids when say you are 60 and the kids are 30, about your plans for the above?

- Feels like burdening your heirs with real estate is a major pain-in-the-ass...perhaps best to plan to sell your house at some point and then rent? Or maybe, plan to have your house down to a minimalist kind of situation?

I guess it just seems like our parents are maybe the last generation (or maybe it's the boomers) where you either didn't have a plan, or you didn't include your children in a plan...and now things are mess.

Any other ideas so we don't make the mistakes of our parents?

[Anonymous]

What happened to you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened to you OP?

Just the same old crap posted here...parents with no plan for what they would do when they were elderly, and now everyone scrambling from hours away trying to figure something out on their behalf. Combined with their general inability to make any decisions about literally anything.

[Anonymous]

Go off to Switzerland and get offed before I get to that point.

[Anonymous]

I guess it's like fraternity hazing...I had to deal with it with my parents, so guess what kids, you will deal with the same shit with me.

[Anonymous]

I plan on number 1, finances willing.

[Anonymous]

My plan is #1.

We did that for my mom and it worked out well.

We added paid visitors who took her out to lunch/run errands 2-5 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Have an open conversation, or several. Explore what's possible given your finances while you're still in shape to have those conversations.

Get your paperwork in order: powers of attorney, etc.

Don't put your kids in a situation where they will have to travel every time a situation arises where you need help.

Do make plans for your old-age living arrangements before it's too late to plan for yourself.

Make a plan for all eventualities: if possible, move ONCE to a continuing care facility where you can move from independent to assisted living to memory care as needed.

[Anonymous]

We are closing an estate right now and it's not something I don't want my kids to have to do. I will have as few possessions as possible except an investment account that will have a beneficiary.
I'm moving abroad where eldercare is much cheaper and social services are great. Not a punishment; I want to move there.
I will not burden my kids with real estate, burial, or anything else that takes their time and effort.
Before I disappear abroad in about 25 years, I want to be able to watch my grand-kids for free if parents need help.
Ofcourse updating my plans as time passes.
I'm not into 55+ communities. I want to see and meet people of all ages. I'm fine in a small condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My plan is #1.

We did that for my mom and it worked out well.

We added paid visitors who took her out to lunch/run errands 2-5 times a week.

Do you pursue #1 in a place near your kids? If my kids live in CA and I live in DC...seems like I need to plan on moving out West.

[Anonymous]

My mom complained that my grandpa who died at 94 in his SFH did not close down his SFH earlier and move to senior living earlier.

Guess who is 83 and just reinvested $50K in making her house and backyard more liveable (long overdue, and may be partially recouped at resale, but still!)? I asked her to move to my state but she refused.

I think the reason for the freezing is that they don't want to live in living arrangements they wouldn't otherwise choose.

I love the idea of family compounds and babysitting grandmas. I'd love to live in a backyard ADU or MIL apartment and not even bug my kids with daily visits. Except for babysitting if that was wanted. I will have the funds to make this happen if it's welcome.

I have never purchased a freestanding SFH so am fine with downsizing.

[Anonymous]

We will do #1. We have already put a deposit down to get in the queue. It’s near our kids. We will likely move there in 6-8 years.

[Anonymous]

Be willing to move to live near your kids
Downsize when it makes sense
Maintain strong relationships so helping each other out isn't a burden.

Ideal arrangement IMO, with family members that get along, is multi-generation living. Before he died, my mom and dad bought a house with my sister. Now mom lives with her, and occasionally has extended visits with me (a couple hours away). She may eventually need a nursing home but for now (she's 85) this works. And she has LTC insurance and good retirement savings so none of this is/will be a financial burden.

I hope to keep strong relationships with my kids so that living together when I'm old is a good option. If not, moving to a continuing-care retirement community that is near at least one kid would be the next best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go off to Switzerland and get offed before I get to that point.

This is my plan too.

[Anonymous]

Definitely downsize to a condo. Be ruthless in paring down - don't keep your kids old toys because they MAY have kids who MAY want them. Keep pictures of people, not landscapes. Get rid of china and extra kitchen stuff. Go through paperwork NOW, while your brain is still sharp. Once in condo, get rid of most tools. I can't even tell you how many jars of screws and nails we had to throw out from my Grandpa's condo. Probably from the 40's and 50's.