Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When women blame men for loss of their libido it's the same as men with ED blaming their wives.

It's physical, it's almost never their partners fault.

Sometimes, but so much of sex for women is mental. Women don't experience sex the same way men do. I'm surprised that so many hetero married men don't know that.

And why oh why do these threads never discuss responsive desire??
For the record- my friends who don't want to have sex with thier husbands...their husbands are jerks who take them for granted
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/27/opinion/nothing-is-wrong-with-your-sex-drive.html

How old are you? I am mid 40s and none of my girlfriends want to have sex with their husbands. They aren't bad men. They are just too familiar, like family. They can't change that. But sure, if my DH was a jerk to me I wouldn't let him have sex with me.

Yes! This describes me. My husband is a good guy. We've been together for 20 years. I no longer have any romantic desire for him at all. I don't want to dismantle our household. We Co-Parent okay and we still get along. We have similar outlooks on money and politics. I would much prefer we both outsource sex to other partners. If one of us falls in love, we'd have to pivot in some way, but I'm willing to take that chance.

I like the honesty and realism here.

The one thing I'd point out though is that as a single, I meet a lot of men (and couples) who want to "outsource sex" but don't want to split up, and it's not the best. Many couples are realistic and honest about their sex lives, they open their marriage, or they have a don't ask/don't tell agreement or, in some cases, they seek out a third (usually a woman) together. I have been approached by countless couples who want a threesome or a "throuple", or want to take me out on a date. Both of of them. A couple dating a single. I'm a straight woman. I don't want to have sex with another woman. I don't want to have sex with a married man. I don't want to date or have sex with a couple. I'm looking for exactly what they were looking for, and happened to find before I did. So, I do feel some bitterness toward couples who want to enjoy the benefits of marriage while "outsourcing" sex. It feels like they want me to spice up their sex life so that they can continue to enjoy social and emotional privileges that I don't have. Of course, I can just say no, and I do. And as long as the couple is upfront, people can do or not do what they want. Just another perspective from someone out there in the dating market.

Do tell. Where do you hang out where "countless" couples want a threesome? When the pandemic is over I want to go there!
--Horny guy in sexless marriage.

Guy here. This is called, Unicorn hunting where she is the prospective unicorn. You know, that creature that doesn't really exist, except in some man's fantasy. I could drop some links where you can find these ads, although they are all over any dating site. They make me laugh. Here is what you find. Instead of a man's profile, or a woman, it's a couples profile and the "couple" are posting, looking for the unicorn. That woman who will come over, entertain them in bed and then leave. Or sometimes, it's the man asking from his own profile. But it's almost never a woman asking for another woman to join them. I suspect that 90% of the couples profiles are also really just run by the man. Few wives are really going along with this but it's certainly a thing with a select few. That said, if she's really interested in getting with another woman, her hairy assed, horney husband isn't going to add anything to the experience for her.

As for you-a man-being the unicorn for another couple? You better be OK with pleasing the other man for her enjoyment or it's probably not happening. Good luck my hungry friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter what you do, if she wanted to have sex with you, she would. She clearly doesn't. Sometimes she is so horny she is willing to let you have sex with her, but she has not attraction to you. You can't teach attraction, if sex is important to you, you will never get it in this relationship.

This is the truth for a lot of women. They just lose attraction to their husbands. My wife feels the same. She finds me attractive but is not sexually attracted to me. Like how you would feel about a family member, you can see they are conventionally handsome but not in a sexual way.

I have thought about shelving the sex part entirely so when I cheat I won't feel bad. We still do it once, maybe twice a season. And no, it wasn't always like this. We had a great sex life for years but it stopped with the second nd kid and got worse from there.

Losing attraction or realizing that she doesn't have to have sex to maintain her status. Men do not want to accept that they were pawns in a game and loss. No one wants to cheat with you other than the few married women in sexless marriages. When men realize this, they turn toward divorce.

It's more than a few. You really have no idea. The numbers are nearly equal. I never had any problem finding a woman for sex when I decided to cheat. To my surprise, half the the ones I found were not married.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

When did I say anything about coercing a woman into sex? This has gone from rape, to slavery, to coercion and all I mentioned was my desire to have a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Specifically, a GF, not a wife. If that looks rapey to you, or like coercion, then something is wrong with you, not me.

You didn't say you wanted to find a partner who enjoys sex. You used the words "entitled to: and "expect" in regards to sex. Those words are disturbing and imply that you have rights over another person's body. You didn't say "I'm very sex-postitve and put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner so I hope we will have a good sexual relationship."

You're right, I didn't say that because I don't speak like that. I didn't think I had to break it down for you but clearly, you have trouble understanding the simplest things. I certainly expect to have sex in a relationship and any woman I'm with will expect the same or we wouldn't get together in the first place. If words like, expect, in regards to sex are triggering for you, that's on you. I don't do millennial-speak or whatever generation you're from. My enjoyment of sex, where I expect my partner to enjoy it even more most of the time (because women have that super-power that men don't) is not: rape, slavery, coercion, or assault and for you to say otherwise exposes you as a nut case. Throw in, gas-lighting , abuse and PTSD and you've covered most of the key words usually thrown around this forum. I'm sure you can work those in if you try.

My point-and let me put this in terms I hope a child can understand-is this forum does a great job to convince single men like me to never get married again. If my GF ever decides she no longer wants sex, I'm not going to face the same dilemmas so many men, and some women, express here: Do I divorce and tear apart my family and harm my kids just to peruse sex? Do I cheat while keeping the marriage together? Do I suck it up and just accept that my sex life is also over with? I've been there. Never again. A relationship with me includes sex and I'll give more than I get to please a woman. If she doesn't want it, the relationship will end on much easier terms than if we were married. Is that so hard to understand?

1.Nice how you never mention love. You just want a friend to bone I guess. And that's not a Millennial word, Bruce
2. Are you honest about your lack of commitment? Your transactional view of sex and relationships? Do you tell all these GFs up front that you will dump them if they won't put out?
3. I have to assume you are out as well with any medical issue that might interfere with your Very Important Penis. Like cancer eap tamoxifen means you are OUT, right? And again are you upfront about it with women?
4. What are the number of sex acts per week that is acceptable?
5. Do you think all women can have multiple orgasms?
6. Should a woman stay with you when you eventually get ED?

[Anonymous]

Per the PP, it's not THAT hard for a married man to find an AP. Obviously, it's way easier for a woman.

In my experience, I have been propositioned many times by divorced women. Which is interesting since the ones I took up with had been cheated on by their husbands which lead to the divorce.

To the extent married women were interested, they seemed to be exit affairs. Anecdotal but generally men are cheating for sex and women because something is lacking in the relationship other than sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?

Considering that 20% of marriages are sexless, I can tell you that’s 20% right there which are Open. For men, sexless means Open.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

When did I say anything about coercing a woman into sex? This has gone from rape, to slavery, to coercion and all I mentioned was my desire to have a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Specifically, a GF, not a wife. If that looks rapey to you, or like coercion, then something is wrong with you, not me.

You didn't say you wanted to find a partner who enjoys sex. You used the words "entitled to: and "expect" in regards to sex. Those words are disturbing and imply that you have rights over another person's body. You didn't say "I'm very sex-postitve and put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner so I hope we will have a good sexual relationship."

I think you are nitpicking with this guy who admittedly isn't using progressive language. I think the word entitled is fine, just as I would tell my children they are entitled to be in a relationship with love and respect even though those things have to be given to them by a partner. All that means is you know not to say in a relationship where there is no love, respect, and for most people that includes a healthy sex life.

Of course you can't force your partner to give you love, respect or sex, or really anything. I didn't get that he was implying that. I think it's strange how many people don't expect that marriage will come with sex, but perhaps that's the new progressive mindset that marriage isn't a sexual relationship. I admit I am Gen X and we viewed marriage and sex as something you assumed.

I'm GenX too. I'm not nitpicking. He LITERALLY said "gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons." This is not OK. He's trying to walk it back but this was his first instinct. Do you want someone saying that to your daughter???

I'm not walking back anything. If a woman wants to deny me sex when I've agreed to a monogamous relationship, temporary situations or real health issues aside, the relationship will end. Hence, she won't get away with it. Put another way, she does not get to make that unilateral decision for me that my sex life is over. She will be free to find a man who is agreeable to a no-sex relationship, or one that renews her desires or...don't really care but we are done. That's easy with a GF, a lot more difficult with a wife and family. I'm so not sorry if that triggers you.

How dare she try to get away with the crime of denying the VIP??!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?

I'm in an open marriage. I don't know how common they are, but probably more so than you'd think. There is so much stigma around non-monogamy even when it's practiced ethically (just look at all the judgment and condemnation of open marriages on this board, not to mention the "won't somebody please think of the children????" hysteria) that many (most?) of us are just not willing to face the consequences of "coming out." Honestly, navigating ethical non-monogamy is really difficult emotionally and logistically, so I'm sure it's true that open marriages are more likely than monogamous marriages to fail/turn into a mess. The biggest mistake people make is opening the marriage in order to fix something. If your relationship is not in great shape to begin with, ethical non-monogamy will only make it worse. You have to start from a strong foundation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?

You'd be surprised how many married women hook up on business travel. That's the place where you can get some spice with someone you know and trust enough without screwing up your marriage. The hotel room is already paid for. This society is in total denial about how many people cheat. Add in the rest who would cheat if given the right opportunity and it's "most"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

When did I say anything about coercing a woman into sex? This has gone from rape, to slavery, to coercion and all I mentioned was my desire to have a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Specifically, a GF, not a wife. If that looks rapey to you, or like coercion, then something is wrong with you, not me.

You didn't say you wanted to find a partner who enjoys sex. You used the words "entitled to: and "expect" in regards to sex. Those words are disturbing and imply that you have rights over another person's body. You didn't say "I'm very sex-postitve and put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner so I hope we will have a good sexual relationship."

You're right, I didn't say that because I don't speak like that. I didn't think I had to break it down for you but clearly, you have trouble understanding the simplest things. I certainly expect to have sex in a relationship and any woman I'm with will expect the same or we wouldn't get together in the first place. If words like, expect, in regards to sex are triggering for you, that's on you. I don't do millennial-speak or whatever generation you're from. My enjoyment of sex, where I expect my partner to enjoy it even more most of the time (because women have that super-power that men don't) is not: rape, slavery, coercion, or assault and for you to say otherwise exposes you as a nut case. Throw in, gas-lighting , abuse and PTSD and you've covered most of the key words usually thrown around this forum. I'm sure you can work those in if you try.

My point-and let me put this in terms I hope a child can understand-is this forum does a great job to convince single men like me to never get married again. If my GF ever decides she no longer wants sex, I'm not going to face the same dilemmas so many men, and some women, express here: Do I divorce and tear apart my family and harm my kids just to peruse sex? Do I cheat while keeping the marriage together? Do I suck it up and just accept that my sex life is also over with? I've been there. Never again. A relationship with me includes sex and I'll give more than I get to please a woman. If she doesn't want it, the relationship will end on much easier terms than if we were married. Is that so hard to understand?

Anonymous wrote:1.Nice how you never mention love. You just want a friend to bone I guess. And that's not a Millennial word, Bruce

No, bone is pretty old school. I didn't mention love, or 100 other things that make a good relationship. I didn't because the discussion is about sex, and I stuck with the discussion topic. I know common here to try to lead posters off into tangents, but try to stick to the subject please. I know you can do it. We can discuss my awesome love life in another thread if you like but you'd probably be bored.

Anonymous wrote:2. Are you honest about your lack of commitment? Your transactional view of sex and relationships? Do you tell all these GFs up front that you will dump them if they won't put out?

Not in such crude terms but yes, I am honest about what I want. I'm honest that I'm NOT looking to get married and I'm very clear about how much I value a good, compatible, sex life as part of a good relationship. Thanks for tossing in, transactional. I forgot that key DCUM word. The women I've been with enjoy sex as much as I do, if not more. I don't see the transaction you speak of. We are both happy.

Anonymous wrote:3. I have to assume you are out as well with any medical issue that might interfere with your Very Important Penis. Like cancer eap tamoxifen means you are OUT, right? And again are you upfront about it with women?

I know first hand about tamoxifen and other cancer drugs. I wish I never had to know that, but I do. Again, you are just trying to run the conversation in a different direction. Like your tired old question, would you want that for your daughter? Try to keep the topic which is not about losing interest in sex because of cancer treatments. I suppose I could get my VIP caught in the blender also. Did you think of that one?

Anonymous wrote:4. What are the number of sex acts per week that is acceptable?

It's not about keeping score and not every week is the same. If a week goes by, or especially a weekend passes with no sex, we are probably both looking to fix that really quick. I like sex about 3 times a week but that's not some hard number or a deal killer. Anticipation is nice also.

Anonymous wrote:5. Do you think all women can have multiple orgasms?

Again, pretty far off the topic but I'll indulge you. I've had sex with enough women to know what a dumb question that is. I've had sex with a few women who never had an orgasm and several where it was a real mystery to her when it happened, or didn't. Or how. I've had sex with women who said I was the first one to ever get her off with oral which is a mystery to me. It's not some rare talent and I don't think I have some mad skills. But clearly, a lot of men must really suck at it. I just really enjoy it. Maybe they lied. Not every women who is capable of multiple orgasms even wants multiple orgasms. Some are fine with just one. Most women I've known who can orgasm most every time from PIV sex are at least capable of more than one at times. I do believe she should get off first. I never want it to be me first.

Anonymous wrote:6. Should a woman stay with you when you eventually get ED?

It's up to her but probably not. Unless my ED happened at a time when she lost interest in sex and/or was maybe relieved it happened. Does that happen? If ED struck me, I'd do what I can to fix it taking advantage of what medical technology has to offer. But assuming it could not be fixed and sex is still important to her, we'd have to come to some agreement about our relationship. I would not expect for her to agree to end her sex life because mine ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?

You'd be surprised how many married women hook up on business travel. That's the place where you can get some spice with someone you know and trust enough without screwing up your marriage. The hotel room is already paid for. This society is in total denial about how many people cheat. Add in the rest who would cheat if given the right opportunity and it's "most"

I don't think it's most but maybe as high as 50% while I believe at least 20% are cheating or looking to cheat any any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

When did I say anything about coercing a woman into sex? This has gone from rape, to slavery, to coercion and all I mentioned was my desire to have a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Specifically, a GF, not a wife. If that looks rapey to you, or like coercion, then something is wrong with you, not me.

You didn't say you wanted to find a partner who enjoys sex. You used the words "entitled to: and "expect" in regards to sex. Those words are disturbing and imply that you have rights over another person's body. You didn't say "I'm very sex-postitve and put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner so I hope we will have a good sexual relationship."

You're right, I didn't say that because I don't speak like that. I didn't think I had to break it down for you but clearly, you have trouble understanding the simplest things. I certainly expect to have sex in a relationship and any woman I'm with will expect the same or we wouldn't get together in the first place. If words like, expect, in regards to sex are triggering for you, that's on you. I don't do millennial-speak or whatever generation you're from. My enjoyment of sex, where I expect my partner to enjoy it even more most of the time (because women have that super-power that men don't) is not: rape, slavery, coercion, or assault and for you to say otherwise exposes you as a nut case. Throw in, gas-lighting , abuse and PTSD and you've covered most of the key words usually thrown around this forum. I'm sure you can work those in if you try.

My point-and let me put this in terms I hope a child can understand-is this forum does a great job to convince single men like me to never get married again. If my GF ever decides she no longer wants sex, I'm not going to face the same dilemmas so many men, and some women, express here: Do I divorce and tear apart my family and harm my kids just to peruse sex? Do I cheat while keeping the marriage together? Do I suck it up and just accept that my sex life is also over with? I've been there. Never again. A relationship with me includes sex and I'll give more than I get to please a woman. If she doesn't want it, the relationship will end on much easier terms than if we were married. Is that so hard to understand?

Anonymous wrote:1.Nice how you never mention love. You just want a friend to bone I guess. And that's not a Millennial word, Bruce

No, bone is pretty old school. I didn't mention love, or 100 other things that make a good relationship. I didn't because the discussion is about sex, and I stuck with the discussion topic. I know common here to try to lead posters off into tangents, but try to stick to the subject please. I know you can do it. We can discuss my awesome love life in another thread if you like but you'd probably be bored.

Anonymous wrote:2. Are you honest about your lack of commitment? Your transactional view of sex and relationships? Do you tell all these GFs up front that you will dump them if they won't put out?

Not in such crude terms but yes, I am honest about what I want. I'm honest that I'm NOT looking to get married and I'm very clear about how much I value a good, compatible, sex life as part of a good relationship. Thanks for tossing in, transactional. I forgot that key DCUM word. The women I've been with enjoy sex as much as I do, if not more. I don't see the transaction you speak of. We are both happy.

Anonymous wrote:3. I have to assume you are out as well with any medical issue that might interfere with your Very Important Penis. Like cancer eap tamoxifen means you are OUT, right? And again are you upfront about it with women?

I know first hand about tamoxifen and other cancer drugs. I wish I never had to know that, but I do. Again, you are just trying to run the conversation in a different direction. Like your tired old question, would you want that for your daughter? Try to keep the topic which is not about losing interest in sex because of cancer treatments. I suppose I could get my VIP caught in the blender also. Did you think of that one?

Anonymous wrote:4. What are the number of sex acts per week that is acceptable?

It's not about keeping score and not every week is the same. If a week goes by, or especially a weekend passes with no sex, we are probably both looking to fix that really quick. I like sex about 3 times a week but that's not some hard number or a deal killer. Anticipation is nice also.

Anonymous wrote:5. Do you think all women can have multiple orgasms?

Again, pretty far off the topic but I'll indulge you. I've had sex with enough women to know what a dumb question that is. I've had sex with a few women who never had an orgasm and several where it was a real mystery to her when it happened, or didn't. Or how. I've had sex with women who said I was the first one to ever get her off with oral which is a mystery to me. It's not some rare talent and I don't think I have some mad skills. But clearly, a lot of men must really suck at it. I just really enjoy it. Maybe they lied. Not every women who is capable of multiple orgasms even wants multiple orgasms. Some are fine with just one. Most women I've known who can orgasm most every time from PIV sex are at least capable of more than one at times. I do believe she should get off first. I never want it to be me first.

Anonymous wrote:6. Should a woman stay with you when you eventually get ED?

It's up to her but probably not. Unless my ED happened at a time when she lost interest in sex and/or was maybe relieved it happened. Does that happen? If ED struck me, I'd do what I can to fix it taking advantage of what medical technology has to offer. But assuming it could not be fixed and sex is still important to her, we'd have to come to some agreement about our relationship. I would not expect for her to agree to end her sex life because mine ended.

ETA: In the past many years I've had relationships with woman who are at least 10 years younger than me. I have no illusions at all that they would stick around if I lost it. None. I remember posting the question to one about 10 years ago. I asked her, what if the first time we had sex, I couldn't get it up. Would you have seen me again? She said, no Fing way! I said, wow, that is harsh! What if it was just first time nerves or something (which has happened to me). She said, I don't care. I don't have time for that. I would have never got with you again. That surprised me but I loved her honesty and I'm glad that first time went well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

When did I say anything about coercing a woman into sex? This has gone from rape, to slavery, to coercion and all I mentioned was my desire to have a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. Specifically, a GF, not a wife. If that looks rapey to you, or like coercion, then something is wrong with you, not me.

You didn't say you wanted to find a partner who enjoys sex. You used the words "entitled to: and "expect" in regards to sex. Those words are disturbing and imply that you have rights over another person's body. You didn't say "I'm very sex-postitve and put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner so I hope we will have a good sexual relationship."

You're right, I didn't say that because I don't speak like that. I didn't think I had to break it down for you but clearly, you have trouble understanding the simplest things. I certainly expect to have sex in a relationship and any woman I'm with will expect the same or we wouldn't get together in the first place. If words like, expect, in regards to sex are triggering for you, that's on you. I don't do millennial-speak or whatever generation you're from. My enjoyment of sex, where I expect my partner to enjoy it even more most of the time (because women have that super-power that men don't) is not: rape, slavery, coercion, or assault and for you to say otherwise exposes you as a nut case. Throw in, gas-lighting , abuse and PTSD and you've covered most of the key words usually thrown around this forum. I'm sure you can work those in if you try.

My point-and let me put this in terms I hope a child can understand-is this forum does a great job to convince single men like me to never get married again. If my GF ever decides she no longer wants sex, I'm not going to face the same dilemmas so many men, and some women, express here: Do I divorce and tear apart my family and harm my kids just to peruse sex? Do I cheat while keeping the marriage together? Do I suck it up and just accept that my sex life is also over with? I've been there. Never again. A relationship with me includes sex and I'll give more than I get to please a woman. If she doesn't want it, the relationship will end on much easier terms than if we were married. Is that so hard to understand?

Anonymous wrote:1.Nice how you never mention love. You just want a friend to bone I guess. And that's not a Millennial word, Bruce

No, bone is pretty old school. I didn't mention love, or 100 other things that make a good relationship. I didn't because the discussion is about sex, and I stuck with the discussion topic. I know common here to try to lead posters off into tangents, but try to stick to the subject please. I know you can do it. We can discuss my awesome love life in another thread if you like but you'd probably be bored. Welp love is usually important to keep a woman interested in you sexually. It often can't be separated out. So it's not off topic, Harold.

Anonymous wrote:2. Are you honest about your lack of commitment? Your transactional view of sex and relationships? Do you tell all these GFs up front that you will dump them if they won't put out?

Not in such crude terms but yes, I am honest about what I want. I'm honest that I'm NOT looking to get married and I'm very clear about how much I value a good, compatible, sex life as part of a good relationship. Thanks for tossing in, transactional. I forgot that key DCUM word. The women I've been with enjoy sex as much as I do, if not more. I don't see the transaction you speak of. We are both happy.

Anonymous wrote:3. I have to assume you are out as well with any medical issue that might interfere with your Very Important Penis. Like cancer eap tamoxifen means you are OUT, right? And again are you upfront about it with women?

I know first hand about tamoxifen and other cancer drugs. I wish I never had to know that, but I do. Again, you are just trying to run the conversation in a different direction. Like your tired old question, would you want that for your daughter? Try to keep the topic which is not about losing interest in sex because of cancer treatments. I suppose I could get my VIP caught in the blender also. Did you think of that one? You said you expect sex no matter what her perceived good reasons are. You never said a medical issue would be an acceptable excuse. Your words.

Anonymous wrote:4. What are the number of sex acts per week that is acceptable?

It's not about keeping score and not every week is the same. If a week goes by, or especially a weekend passes with no sex, we are probably both looking to fix that really quick. I like sex about 3 times a week but that's not some hard number or a deal killer. Anticipation is nice also. How TF were we supposed to know that from what you wrote??

Anonymous wrote:5. Do you think all women can have multiple orgasms?

Again, pretty far off the topic but I'll indulge you. I've had sex with enough women to know what a dumb question that is. I've had sex with a few women who never had an orgasm and several where it was a real mystery to her when it happened, or didn't. Or how. I've had sex with women who said I was the first one to ever get her off with oral which is a mystery to me. It's not some rare talent and I don't think I have some mad skills. But clearly, a lot of men must really suck at it. I just really enjoy it. Maybe they lied. Not every women who is capable of multiple orgasms even wants multiple orgasms. Some are fine with just one. Most women I've known who can orgasm most every time from PIV sex are at least capable of more than one at times. I do believe she should get off first. I never want it to be me first.

Anonymous wrote:6. Should a woman stay with you when you eventually get ED?

It's up to her but probably not. Unless my ED happened at a time when she lost interest in sex and/or was maybe relieved it happened. Does that happen? If ED struck me, I'd do what I can to fix it taking advantage of what medical technology has to offer. But assuming it could not be fixed and sex is still important to her, we'd have to come to some agreement about our relationship. I would not expect for her to agree to end her sex life because mine ended.

I'm very very very much enjoying this long walking back of your balls to the wall my peen or the highway post. See there, Frank, things are more nuanced than no sex equals no relationship.

[Anonymous]

I am such a simple man. When my wife is sexually generous I worship her, when she is cold, I question the foundation of marriage and dream of other women. I know it's not so simple but I wonder why she doesn't carve out 20 minutes a week to make her DH happy. Doesn't seem like so much to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm very very very much enjoying this long walking back of your balls to the wall my peen or the highway post. See there, Frank, things are more nuanced than no sex equals no relationship.

Not Frank and I've been nothing but honest. Haven't walked back anything from my original statement. Nor did I say anything that isn't common sense, or should be. Enjoying my single, dating life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread (and my own marriage) does make me wonder why open relationships aren't more common (maybe they are and I live in a bubble)? I love my husband, we have sex 1-2 times per week, but knowing exactly what's going to happen really takes the spice out of it. We try to mix it up from time to time but admittedly it's good, not amazing, most of the time. I don't remember if it was this thread or another but someone mentioned wanting a marriage sabbatical and that would truly be my dream. I love my husband, he is a wonderful partner, but I just want to mix it up with something hot and new without messing up our otherwise great life together (and I want that for him too). Do most open marriages fail/turn into a mess? Why aren't they more common?

You'd be surprised how many married women hook up on business travel. That's the place where you can get some spice with someone you know and trust enough without screwing up your marriage. The hotel room is already paid for. This society is in total denial about how many people cheat. Add in the rest who would cheat if given the right opportunity and it's "most"

I don't think it's most but maybe as high as 50% while I believe at least 20% are cheating or looking to cheat any any time.

I'm the PP in this thread that starts with "I love my husband". I believe that plenty of people of both sexes are cheating and that it's more common than many would like to believe, but I don't think I'm alone in feeling like 1) I would never cheat on my husband AND 2) I would love the occasional spicy & new no-strings-attached fling without betraying my partner and our relationship that is built on a foundation of trust and loyalty. Sneaking around on work trips ain't it (for me).

Unfortunately I think the PPs who say it is messy are correct, so I'll stick to closing my eyes and imagining it's a fling At least we're both getting it regularly, and it's decent.