OP, if you brought it home as a gift to share with your husband, I can understand that your feelings are hurt -- it maybe feels to you like he didn't treasure the gift? Of course he probably didn't have any of those thoughts in his head at all when he shared the wine, and you seem to know that. It's ok to have your feelings and vent a little. I personally don't think your feelings reflect selfishness.

I swear, some LCs seem to do more harm than good, with the guilt trips and the strict rules. (Some are great, too, I hear Pat is fabulous and I found my own to be pretty compassionate, but I've also known more than one mom reduced to tears by her LC.) So sorry you are experiencing stress over this. Your baby will eventually get hungry enough to eat, and can be held and consoled until then. I don't have direct experience on this but some folks report more success using a cup than a bottle -- might be worth a shot. You'll probably help yourself feel better by making sure you squeeze in a nice long nursing session right before you leave for the day and right when you come home. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I followed Weissbluth from about 4 weeks and never needed extinction. Just followed the principles. DD fell into a great sleep schedule - two regular naps and 12 hours at night (she's now 8 months). Started sleeping through - 12 hours - at 4 months. I also bought Pantly but never needed to try another strategy.

You are a lucky dog. For OP and others, following the basic principles of healthy sleep (routines, knowing your child's tired signs, etc etc) will help enable but certainly won't guarantee "ideal" sleep patterns in a baby. Read everything, and then adopt what makes sense for you and your family. Most of the basic stuff like a good bedtime routine and starting waaay before your baby is obviously tired is universally agreed upon, but what to do when your tot does not exhibit the ideal pattern of STTN and long naps is where they all tend to differ. I'd throw Ferber into the mix for education as well. A little less didactic than Weissbluth, and somewhat different data on typical sleep for each age, whether an early or late bedtime makes sense, etc.

Are you looking for a book with a lot of concrete methods, or more like guiding principles? How far along the continuum do you want to explore? (I like Alfie Kohn, Naomi Aldort and Mary Kurcinka, but they don't necessarily intend to give specific tools/methods although you will find interesting examples in there.) There's also a meeting about the various positive discipline ideologies and methods out there this Sunday sponsored by the Takoma Park AP group.

Just a note (and not suggesting that any of the above posters were in fact aiming any criticism, it's just something that occurred to me from reading a number of the posts) -- it's probably not a good idea to hold it against the husband if he has not yet thoroughly done his diligence. It might be best that the diligence is an out in the open process that husband and wife engage in together. This wife already felt gobsmacked when the idea was brought up, and for me personally if my husband arrived with spreadsheets and networking references etc. the very first time he proposed a major change, I'd probably freak out and feel that rather than opening the door for a discussion I was being presented a fait accompli. I'd rather he "think out loud" with me/in front of me first, even if it did not seem well thought out yet.

Anonymous wrote:I have told my child that God is like Santa Claus, but for adults.

Brilliant -- accurate (in my personal view, no offense) and age-appropriate too!

We pay $220/year through State Farm.

Anonymous wrote:As a mom I am so in love with this kid and I love love love love that I can see him learning and voicing his wants and needs. Just wish he was a little more civilized. I actually sighed because I realized I was dealing with another male in the house. DH and DS should be able to communcate!

Oh my goodness not necessarily so! I find I can often recognize DH in DS quite well, but DH has trouble recognizing himself, so the two of them end up in a useless spiral of "I am soo frustrated that you are soo frustrated that I am soo frustrated that....." Thankfully, I love them both to pieces or I might be tempted to jump off a bridge at times. And yeah to the first part of your post -- watching their wishes and personalities emerge is remarkable even when it is annoying, and the more they reveal about themselves the easier it becomes to figure out how to meet their needs and wants. Just keep pretending he's civilized and treating him as such and I bet he'll eventually get there. Until then, hand him over to your husband every now and then and hit the showers or something where you can throw your own tantrum and holler and stomp with zero consequences!

Mostly at this point it is distract/trade. He won't really understand, but I tend to talk through things as though our son actually does understand what we're saying. "May I have the blackberry? Thank you! Here is a calculator with buttons." Or "Yes, I know you wish we could swing longer. We will swing again tomorrow. Daddy will swoop you on his shoulders now while we walk back." IN THEORY (how would I know, mine's only 12 months LOL, but he does mimic "thank you" now) this helps them learn to attach words to feelings and keeps them from feeling their needs are being just ignored. Working on transitions helps too (again more setting the stage than expecting them to understand at this point). So at bath time, maybe begin to drain the water and talk about how the water will soon be gone and it will be time to get out of the bath. When you substitute, try to make it a "fair trade" from his point of view. Keep things handy that have the right characteristics -- ours likes buttons, and things that he can carry and shake. HTH.

Good Lord no. Also, if my partner felt he had needs that I was not meeting, I wouldn't consider the marriage to be fine. I'd look into why sex was not a priority and figure out ways to fix it. I can't imagine how a little something on the side would not become an emotional entanglement as well as sexual. Even if it were a series of people as opposed to one lover, it still risks leading to estrangement. Plenty of prostitutes describe men who use the encounters to connect in non-sexual ways and feel some other kinds of validation. Even if no one intended for these things to happen, the risk is too great. And, I'd end up jealous and depressed and inadequate-feeling, without a doubt. Exclusivity is a big part of what makes marriages work - it creates that in-it-together feeling.

Where would you stay and what would you do, for say a 4 day visit?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not your place to train your niece. Seriously, it is the parents choice not yours. Once you let go of feeling that you should fix her because her parents are not doing what you expect, it should bother you less....unless you are someone who expects something back when you give a gift.

My SIL is constantly out of sorts b/c the other SIL does not do thankyou cards and does not have her kids do thank you cards. She took the kids aside and tried to explain to them how you have to do thank you cards..which I think was the rudest, most inappropriate action to try and impose your sense of behavior and manners on someone else's kids. Don't be one of "those" moms!

Wow. Are you totally serious or just trying to be a jerk? I would have never thought a thread about gift giving to a child would get this kind of response. I hope you're just one of those lurkers here on DCUM trying to start stuff because your response is just strange and if it's truly what you believe, I would hate to be related to your kids or you. Yipes.
OP, stop giving the brat gifts. Seriously, gifts are not a requirment and are done out of love and genuousity of spirit, if they are received this way, save your money for children who truly appreciate it.

I'm pretty sure the PP was serious and not trying to be a jerk. I thought it was the best post on this thread actually. I also do not read into the post that the PP is endorsing children being entitled or that saying thank you is unnecessary. It's just that it's very rude to step in to teach other people's children a lesson. Gifts aren't mandatory either - if the OP doesn't like the little girl, or how she feels when her gifts are treated with disregard, then she doesn't need to keep giving gifts, but it shouldn't be about "teaching a lesson" because that is not her job.

I think it's understandable to feel a little panicked when a very large change is suggested out of the blue. (Also we don't know anything about the past dynamics of your relationship, what baggage everybody is potentially bringing to the table, etc.) It might be worth brainstorming this with your husband though after cooling off and venting to others about the panic and frustration. If you work through all the details together from a starting point of really looking for ways to make it work, he might come to the conclusion on his own that it is too much. It sounds like it is very very important to you to remain a SAHM (let me know if I am over reading things) so that should be on the table as something you need to stay the same. He's suggesting doing a night program, so start there and try not to reject it as not feasible out of hand. I knew lots of night students in law school who really had their s--t together and were more mature than the day students. It's hard but by no means impossible. Maybe you guys can agree to try it for a semester and reevaluate at the end. If I were in your shoes one big concern would be that my husband would be much, much, much less available to partner with me on household and childrearing duties. You might suggest you all would need to budget for some extra housekeeping services, mother's helper, etc. He'll also miss some bonding time with his kids, which you would both need to think about. There are probably other creative possibilities too that just don't come readily to mind.

It sounds perfectly fine to me. I think loveys are probably helpful for little ones that don't have good self-soothing skills, but it sounds like yours does not struggle with that. I wish our son would take on a lovey because he DOES struggle with falling and staying asleep, and gets frustrated easily. I think a lovey would help him, but he's not interested. He'd rather carry around a remote control or telephone.

I read the post as stating he's only awake and AT HOME 4-5 hours. Not that he's sleeping 20 hours a day. As for needing attention, that sounds rather normal and not alarming. Developmentally, he does need lots of chances to explore and interact because that's how he learns and grows. It sounds like he gets some of this at his caretaker's home, and some out on the town with you. It is a good idea to begin making more of the house safe for him, so that he can interact with you while you are in the kitchen, etc. Using a playpen in unsafe areas of the house when you just can't be available to supervise is something we do too, and I don't think our son regards it as a cage -- we leave the door to the playyard open when we are in the same part of the house with him, and he can crawl in and out on his own initiative so he knows it's his own space and probably thinks of it more like a fun fort than a cage. We also make dedicated time to play together on his terms at his level on the floor in the living area, or in his own room, etc. If childproofing feels overwhelming, just take it one room at a time to gradually expand his roaming area, and keep making sure he's included in your daily routines as much as possible.