Selfish?

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[Post New]04/25/2008 15:22
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:13:44, that's awful. It's not the chocolates that upset you, it's the fact that while everyone was enjoying a treat, no one thought to say, "let's save some for mom". Total lack of consideration like that really hurts.

When I have something special, my pleasure increased by sharing it with people I love. I don't understand how someone can scarf down a box of candy, or guzzle a bottle of wine, without thinking, "I'm enjoying this. Dear wife/mom would enjoy it too. I want to share in her enjoyment of this thing I'm enjoying." It's completely foreign to me.



This is a little overboard. Sometimes it really is JUST candy, and JUST wine. And you really are allowed to eat and drink without always thinking of who else in your life might also like to eat and drink what you are eating and drinking at that moment. Good grief.
[Post New]04/25/2008 15:35
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:13:44, that's awful. It's not the chocolates that upset you, it's the fact that while everyone was enjoying a treat, no one thought to say, "let's save some for mom". Total lack of consideration like that really hurts.

When I have something special, my pleasure increased by sharing it with people I love. I don't understand how someone can scarf down a box of candy, or guzzle a bottle of wine, without thinking, "I'm enjoying this. Dear wife/mom would enjoy it too. I want to share in her enjoyment of this thing I'm enjoying." It's completely foreign to me.



This is a little overboard. Sometimes it really is JUST candy, and JUST wine. And you really are allowed to eat and drink without always thinking of who else in your life might also like to eat and drink what you are eating and drinking at that moment. Good grief.


You don't need to think of everyone in your life -- just the person/people you share the kitchen with.
[Post New]04/25/2008 15:44
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:13:44, that's awful. It's not the chocolates that upset you, it's the fact that while everyone was enjoying a treat, no one thought to say, "let's save some for mom". Total lack of consideration like that really hurts.

When I have something special, my pleasure increased by sharing it with people I love. I don't understand how someone can scarf down a box of candy, or guzzle a bottle of wine, without thinking, "I'm enjoying this. Dear wife/mom would enjoy it too. I want to share in her enjoyment of this thing I'm enjoying." It's completely foreign to me.



This is a little overboard. Sometimes it really is JUST candy, and JUST wine. And you really are allowed to eat and drink without always thinking of who else in your life might also like to eat and drink what you are eating and drinking at that moment. Good grief.


Either you haven't read the posts, or you're being deliberately dense. We're not talking about a cheese stick or a yogurt. We're talking about *special* items. Your point is like saying it would be ok to wear our wedding dresses to the office, because all clothes are created equal. Or perhaps you're one of the other half of one percent, and expensive chocolates are everyday snacks for you.
[Post New]04/25/2008 15:59
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:13:44, that's awful. It's not the chocolates that upset you, it's the fact that while everyone was enjoying a treat, no one thought to say, "let's save some for mom". Total lack of consideration like that really hurts.

When I have something special, my pleasure increased by sharing it with people I love. I don't understand how someone can scarf down a box of candy, or guzzle a bottle of wine, without thinking, "I'm enjoying this. Dear wife/mom would enjoy it too. I want to share in her enjoyment of this thing I'm enjoying." It's completely foreign to me.



This is a little overboard. Sometimes it really is JUST candy, and JUST wine. And you really are allowed to eat and drink without always thinking of who else in your life might also like to eat and drink what you are eating and drinking at that moment. Good grief.


Either you haven't read the posts, or you're being deliberately dense. We're not talking about a cheese stick or a yogurt. We're talking about *special* items. Your point is like saying it would be ok to wear our wedding dresses to the office, because all clothes are created equal. Or perhaps you're one of the other half of one percent, and expensive chocolates are everyday snacks for you.


I've read the posts. And I still don't get it. It's a bottle of wine. I know it's special, but she already had some and these were friends. It's not like her husband decided to use it to water the geranium. Wine is something that is disposable by its nature. You drink it. It's gone. If you want a permanent keepsake, bring back a non-food or drink item. And no, expensive chocolates are just kind of silly to me. But whatever blows your skirt up.
[Post New]04/25/2008 16:09
Anonymous
I'm with the PP...Pardon me if you think I'm "dense" too.

I guess I don't get it either. They shared some of the wine which you had already partaken of, then it was put away. Friends came over and your husband hospitably gave them some. It's not like he was sharing some frozen wedding cake meant for your first anniversary with friends or something. And it's not like you hadn't already had some.

Unless I said to my H, whatever you do do not, under any circumstances, offer the special non-domestic wine to anyone, I wouldn't expect him to know to hoard it.

If you're feeling unhappy about it, fine. But I certainly wouldn't make an issue of it with your husband. It would make you seem kind of petty and uptight. Wine is for sharing with good friends.

[Post New]04/25/2008 16:31
zumbamama
Site Admin Offline
why are people so mean? maybe OP just needed to vent about a minor thing, it didn't seem she was going overboard raising hell about it.
[Post New]04/25/2008 16:37
Anonymous
zumbamama wrote:why are people so mean? maybe OP just needed to vent about a minor thing, it didn't seem she was going overboard raising hell about it.


Huh?? She was ASKING for people's opions on if she was being selfish - her word, by the way. I don't think anyone's being mean here, which is fairly unusual for DCUM.
[Post New]04/25/2008 16:40
Anonymous
What a second--are people not listening to her post. She assigned a lot of value to this bottle of wine. Frankly a special bottle of wine from a vacation or trip would mean more to me than the frozen wedding cake which tasted awful a year later--everyone gets to decide what they value and this was something she valued. Now..moving forward-in the future I would say to hubby if you guys have a special bottle..you to hubby--honey can we just keep this bottle for us and make sure we don't serve it to guests? Getting mad at him now is pointless because he probably either did it by accident or didn't realize that you really wanted it just for the two of you. Also..just a thought..alot of countries sell their wine online--even the small shops so try to research to see if you can get another. Good luck!
[Post New]04/25/2008 17:05
Anonymous
It is illegal to have wine shipped to you in Md. DC and Virginia allow it.
[Post New]04/25/2008 17:14
Anonymous
OP here... well, I was feeling kind of sad about not getting a second round of enjoyment out of my wine-- it sort of felt like a way to continue enjoying my trip, and to include my husband, whose presence I very much missed. Can't say I feel better about it now, though I thank folks for sharing their opinions. Thanks for letting me vent.
[Post New]04/25/2008 17:26
clarabow
Member Offline
OP, if you brought it home as a gift to share with your husband, I can understand that your feelings are hurt -- it maybe feels to you like he didn't treasure the gift? Of course he probably didn't have any of those thoughts in his head at all when he shared the wine, and you seem to know that. It's ok to have your feelings and vent a little. I personally don't think your feelings reflect selfishness.
[Post New]04/25/2008 17:39
Anonymous
I understand how you're feeling OP, def been in that situation before.

The thing is though a lot of people (like your hubby and mine) don't think the same way. So it's not malicious, it's just not being aware of what you're thinking. And of course after many years of marriage you'd think they know, but they don't always remember. So I think say something, otherwise it'll continue to bother you. But don't make a big deal out of it and get both of you upset.

For some people that extra amount of consideration and the idea of sharing is very intuitive. Apparently I've been like that since I was a toddler. My husband grew up with a bunch of boys and each their own/survival of the fittest was just how they grew up. So yes, he'll still scarf down food and then just give me a big oooops in response.

[Post New]04/25/2008 17:43
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I returned from an overseas trip last week, and brought with me a special bottle of wine. It wasn't expensive at all, just unique to the place I bought it. We opened it a couple nights ago, and had a glass each. We put the rest away. Last night, some of my husband's friends dropped in to visit. He served them the special wine while I was putting the kids to bed, and when I got downstairs, there was none left.


I understand why you found this upsetting but I guess I'm a lot more like your husband. If I were him, I would have been thinking that it was okay to share the wine with guests because you had already had a glass. If he had used it all up without you having had any (like the PP who didn't get any chocolates), that would clearly be thoughtless. But the wine issue is more borderline. That said, my husband complains (and rightly so) that I am not very romantic -- so take my comments with a grain of salt.

At any rate, I think you should talk to him about it. If it were me, I would just be clueless that your feelings had been hurt over this and I guess I would want to know so I wouldn't do it again.

Good luck!

[Post New]04/26/2008 11:16
Anonymous
OP obviously feels hurt- but I personally don't think it's big enough to make a big deal or mention it. After many years of marriage- save the hurt talks for the ones that count - there will be more! I believe your DH was acting like a guy- saw open bottle and was just being practical. however, given how you feel- I would consider letting him know if something is special- so it's clear to him not to share. So if you do get another bottle or whatever, say- I bought this for you and me- let's drink/eat/whatever this ourselves only- okay honey?
[Post New]04/26/2008 17:15
Anonymous
A couple of days? He most likely served them crap, anyway.

Did you tell your husband you had a sentimental attachment to the wine?


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