Would you consent to your partner taking a lover?

[Anonymous]

Your marriage is fine, but you are just not all that interested in sex. Assuming that appropriate precautions are take, would you give your consent to your partner "getting a bit on the side"?

[Anonymous]

Um, not in a million years.

[Anonymous]

I would say that he marriage is not "fine".

[Anonymous]

There is too much emotion and intimacy with sex and that should be reserved for only spouses.

[clarabow]

Good Lord no. Also, if my partner felt he had needs that I was not meeting, I wouldn't consider the marriage to be fine. I'd look into why sex was not a priority and figure out ways to fix it. I can't imagine how a little something on the side would not become an emotional entanglement as well as sexual. Even if it were a series of people as opposed to one lover, it still risks leading to estrangement. Plenty of prostitutes describe men who use the encounters to connect in non-sexual ways and feel some other kinds of validation. Even if no one intended for these things to happen, the risk is too great. And, I'd end up jealous and depressed and inadequate-feeling, without a doubt. Exclusivity is a big part of what makes marriages work - it creates that in-it-together feeling.

[Anonymous]

That contradicts the definition of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Nobody would want my husband as a lover!

[Anonymous]

do you mean instead of you or in addition like threesome?

[Anonymous]

The marriage isn't fine if he wants sex with you and you don't want sex with him.

I don't know what I would do if one of us were seriously ill (like, I'd be fine with him taking a lover if I had suffered a massive stroke and he stood by me and took care of me but I couldn't participate fully in a normal relationship), but short of that... I can't imagine how taking a lover is really "fine" rather than masking a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you mean instead of you or in addition like threesome?

hmm, I had not thought of a threesome, but that may be a better idea, think he would insist that that the third person be a girl

[Anonymous]

i am sure he would personally if you two agree to inviting another woman i don't really see anything wrong with it. i am just not sure how you would go about finding another party! not exactly something you can bring up over a play date and coffee!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The marriage isn't fine if he wants sex with you and you don't want sex with him.

I don't know what I would do if one of us were seriously ill (like, I'd be fine with him taking a lover if I had suffered a massive stroke and he stood by me and took care of me but I couldn't participate fully in a normal relationship), but short of that... I can't imagine how taking a lover is really "fine" rather than masking a problem.

when I took my vows, there was something about sickness and health...so not even in that circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i am sure he would personally if you two agree to inviting another woman i don't really see anything wrong with it. i am just not sure how you would go about finding another party! not exactly something you can bring up over a play date and coffee!!

You'd be surprised how easy it is to find another partner. There are swinger's websites if you are looking for a threesome.
And to OP, I don't think it's weird. Not sure I'd consent, but hey, whatever works for you.

[Anonymous]

No way.

But then again, I think that nearly half of married people ultimately cheat on their partners, so maybe the real question for me would be: what would I do IF my husband did this and I found out?

It's not pleasant to think about.

[Anonymous]

My husband would give me his consent, as long as it was with another woman, and he could watch