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DH wants to go to law school
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Anonymous
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DH dropped a pretty good bomb on me last night. He, at 33 wants to change careers and attend law school. Right now I am a SAHM and DH is sole breadwinner. Quite frankly, I don't see how it would even be possible. We have kids, bills, responsibilities... and although I could re-enter the workforce I don't have anywhere near the earning potential that DH has at his current job, nor do I have a strong desire to go back to work. I like our current situation and I'm rather resentful that DH wants to disrupt things when it feels we've finally gotten on a stable trajectory. Quite frankly, even if I did go back to work I don't really know how we could possibly manage for the 4-6 years it would take him to attend law school, get situated, pay his dues, etc.
So, I'm torn between trying to be supportive to his needs as well as recognizing mine. Perhaps I'm even still a little bit in shock. I don't want him to resent me or jeopardize our marriage because I trampled on his dreams, but how far is too far? He says that although the next few years would really be hard, in the long term we'd be far better off financially. That this is a dream of his that he simply doesn't want to regret not pursuing once it truly is too late. He thinks he can continue at his current position in a non-law field while he attends school in a night program, and that it will take great sacrifice but as long as we are all on board, he can make it work. My thoughts are that it is already too late. He'd have to leave his current job in order to attend law school and financially we simply can't make that work even if I re-entered the work force. Law school is just too rigorous to attend at night while maintaining a day job, and would require internships and a tremendous amount of daytime networking during his school years that a full time job simply won't allow for. Above all else, I'm mad. I feel like he just changed the whole dynamic of our life and no matter what way I fall on this issue, I lose. |
clarabow
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| I think it's understandable to feel a little panicked when a very large change is suggested out of the blue. (Also we don't know anything about the past dynamics of your relationship, what baggage everybody is potentially bringing to the table, etc.) It might be worth brainstorming this with your husband though after cooling off and venting to others about the panic and frustration. If you work through all the details together from a starting point of really looking for ways to make it work, he might come to the conclusion on his own that it is too much. It sounds like it is very very important to you to remain a SAHM (let me know if I am over reading things) so that should be on the table as something you need to stay the same. He's suggesting doing a night program, so start there and try not to reject it as not feasible out of hand. I knew lots of night students in law school who really had their s--t together and were more mature than the day students. It's hard but by no means impossible. Maybe you guys can agree to try it for a semester and reevaluate at the end. If I were in your shoes one big concern would be that my husband would be much, much, much less available to partner with me on household and childrearing duties. You might suggest you all would need to budget for some extra housekeeping services, mother's helper, etc. He'll also miss some bonding time with his kids, which you would both need to think about. There are probably other creative possibilities too that just don't come readily to mind. |
Anonymous
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Would he HAVE to leave his current job?? My co-worker (I'm in a non-law, fed job) decided to go to law school... She went at nights... it took her 4 years, IIRC. She now has a fab, law-related position with the feds. It was likely a rough few years, but certainly "do-able." (I also went to law school, but it was ages ago and I don't practice law... but I don't recall having to do internships, etc...)
Wishing you luck whatever you and he decide to do! |
Anonymous
| And just to put in his perspective a bit here - if you're SAHM he's looking at working for at least the next 30 years or so. That's a lot of time at the office. He should enjoy how he spends his days. Life is too short to have a blah job. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PP that it is important that DH enjoy his job. On the other hand, there are some things you both may want to consider before he takes the plunge. Law School is very expensive these days and it can take a long time to pay down student loans if you don't have the money to pay up front for tuition. Also, what does DH hope to use his law degree for? If he'd like to work at a big law firm, the salaries are good but the quality of life often is not--long hours, unpredictable schedule, etc. There are plenty of other options with a law degree, but few pay as well. To the extent that DH wants to go to law school to make the family more financially stable, it is something to think about.
That said, if he'd really like to go back to school I know plenty of people that attended a night program (4 years) and balanced full time jobs. It would certainly take away from time with the family, but could probably be done. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I also think you should ask him to put together the plan for how this can be achieved. he will either recognize it is not feasible in your life or you will recognize that it is feasible. i would imagine it would take him some time to gather financial aid info, research schools, plan for childcare if you have to go back to work in any capacity, etc. |
Anonymous
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I can understand how your husband's announcement might send you into a tailspin. But before you dig in and shut him down, take some time to explore some options with him. There are a number of very good law programs at state schools that are more affordable than private universities. My DH went to Georgetown Law right after undergrad, and 12 years later, we are STILL paying off loans. In hindsight, he wished he had looked at UVA or W&M - we also know a number of people who went to GMU and have found great success practicing law. So...law school may not be as expensive as you think. Second, there are evening and weekend programs designed specifically for working adults. Will it be easy? Definitely not. Possible? Certainly. I'm not sure what daytime networking you are worried about him missing - most law programs have placement programs that help match their graduates with career opportunities. Other than participating in Law Review, my husband didn't do much more than go to class and study during law school.
While I can understand how you might resent having to go back to work, sometimes you have to make sacrifices to support your family and your marriage. It sounds like your husband is willing to shoulder the bulk of the effort (keep working full time and go to law school) but will certainly need you to carry more of the household responsibilities and possibly take on some paid work to supplement his income. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop seeing your kids. If he continues to work and is able to get loans for his tuition, would part-time work suffice? Perhaps something at your children's (or another) school where you could have the same hours as them? There are many options besides 9 to 5 desk jobs that could provide some extra income, feature some schedule flexibility, and might even expose you to interesting new people or teach you new skills. I'm not trying to sound preachy or dismiss your concerns, but I would really encourage you to be a "for better or for worse" partner and at least go through the motions of looking at the options with an open mind. Don't automatically dismiss his suggestions on how this might work - you might be surprised at how things could fall into place. In the scope of life, 3 or 4 years is a small investment in your future. It's not like your husband wants to join the circus...there are worse aspirations than law school. Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope you and DH can work out a solution that's good for your entire family. |
Anonymous
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Has he started the process yet? Taken the LSAT, determined what schools he wants to apply to? Researched what PT law school is like? If not, you've got quite a bit of time to figure things out. Generally you can only start in the fall, so this wouldn't happen until Fall of '09.
Part time law school is 4 years instead of 3, so it's not a half-load of classes. My husband did it while working full time and it did suck. And this was pre kids. Of course, he spent his fair share of time outside of school drinking and complaining with his law school buddies, which didn't help things. He definitely could have been more mature and had a better attitude about it. If he's thinking of doing it for a larger salary, he really needs to consider the true costs--possible loss of his salary while in school, childcare expenses, tuition (not cheap at most DC area schools!), plus the fact that he wouldn't have much time for your children or you, and you'd have a greater burden. My husband went to George Mason, which was relatively cheap, and worked full time. After his first year he was able to bring in a pretty good salary at area law firms as a student associate (then there were the "summer associates" who would come in for 8 weeks and get all the perks), but he worked in a very specialized area and had additional credentials (patent agent) so I'm not sure if his salary was similar to what other working students earn. Plus, if he's thinking he wants to work at a big law firm, school is going to be very competitive. There are so many lawyers out there, and when hiring firms really do look at school, class ranking, did you work on a journal, do a clerkships, etc. Hard to compete with kids who are FT students on loans or their parents' dime when you've got a family and job to think about too. So he needs to be very realistic about what the potential payoff will be. Good luck, remember to breathe! |
Anonymous
| Night school at a state school might be do-able. Do you have the $$ for tuition? Taking out loans for law school at this stage of his life may not make sense in the long run. People think everyone who passes the bar ends up at a big firm with a 6 figure salary -- that is NOT the case. Only those at the top of their class wind up with those jobs -- and they typically come from the better schools and the day programs. And just b/c a law school touts average starting salaries -- you need to consider that your husband isn't the average student (he's older and will be going to night school). Good luck getting a law school career development staffer to tell you how those students fare post-graduation. And if he's lucky enough to get a big firm job -- he'll probably hate it. Many jump ship once they realize the long hours. And those who stick it out do so either to pay off their loans or b/c they have a super type A personality and thrive on stress and long hours. |
Anonymous
| Just to second what the PP said-- if your husband is primarily motivated by a salary increase, he should do extensive research before taking this leap. Law school is incredibly expensive (my loans were over $100k after graduation & that was 7 years ago) and law is an incredibly competitive (and snobby) field. Yes, if you graduate at the top of your class or from a top law school, you can make a fair amount of money. But, most well-paid law jobs have pretty dramatic trade-offs in terms of quality of life, and it can be extremely difficult for someone graduating with less-than-stellar grades or from a less-than-top-tier school to find a good job, esp. in this economy. Considering that you're now managing to raise a family in the DC area on his income suggests that he's pretty well-compensated already. Unless he's headed for an Ivy League law school, I can't imagine that the benefits of this switch will outweigh the costs until many years down the road (if ever). And, of course, first he has to survive the 3-4 years of law school. He should read One L by Scott Turow for a sense of what he'd be getting into. Also, as my own mother loves to remind me, practicing lawyers are notoriously unhappy. So, these are all topics to discuss with him. But, I do think -- as some PPs have noted -- that some of your concerns may be misplaced. TONS of people in DC work FT while attending law school at night (Gtown has a whole program), and it's only 4 years, not 6. Also, I don't think networking is all that important. In law school, I did little-to-no networking and wound up working for one of DC's biggest firms. If he's looking for $$$, the big firms are going to be interested in whether he has good grades and a decent personality. Networking isn't nearly as necessary for career success in the legal field as it is in other fields (e.g., politics). Though studying is! Hope this helps. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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I basically agree with previous posters, but wanted to add from personal experience that attorney jobs are not always the most exciting. Lots of grunt work, especially at the beginning. If he goes and works for a large firm, he's going to have long hours - working for partners who won't be much older than him. My husband left a law firm for the political world and never looked back. So I just wanted to add his perspective - law is not for everyone.
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Anonymous
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Question: why did DH decide now, at 33, that he wants to go to law school? Is this a new thing, or is it something he has always wanted? Does he know what he wants to do when he gets out of school (i.e. law firm, govt)? DH and I both worked at big firms (I am now a SAHM, he is still there) and in hindsight we both wish we had done something different. We are both still paying off loans well into the 6 figures.
In order for this to be a worthwhile venture for your family, he would really need to commit himself 110% to it. First year associates at big firms and now making $165K base -- but to get there, you have to be top 10% of your class and on law review or a journal. There is constant studying, meeting with study groups, and so on. There are no "internships" that are needed during the year (not counting the work he will do on law review/a journal) but he will need to "summer" at a law firm during the summers (which, if it is a big firm, he will be paid for quite well). Networking not necessary, only class rank matters. When I was in school, I lived and breathed it. I can't imagine doing it with a family and working FT as well, but I imagine some people do. And then once he's out of school, and at the firm, there are the hours - that never ends. As an associate, we're talking all-nighters, sometimes holidays etc, the firm basically owns you. I can't tell you how many vacations we've cancelled. The practice of law is not like that everywhere of course - he could take a government job and work normal hours and make less than 6 fiqures, but only you know if you can afford that return on your investment. If this is what he Really wants to do and is sure, I'd hate to see him give up his dream - he is not too old yet ... but he really needs to think it through and make sure the sacrifice, for everyone, is worth it. And you need to be on board. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I am a lawyer and my husband is just about to graduate from law school. I think PPs have raised some very good points, but wanted to also offer the following:
1) There are a world of options between the big-firm megabucks jobs and the low-pay lifestyle public interest jobs. Government jobs can actually pay reasonably well, especially after a couple of years, and there are also smaller firms and in-house opportunities to consider, as well as non-lawyering jobs that don't require a J.D. but are well served by one. 2) For night law school to work, you have to be on board to cover the domestic front, your husband has to understand that school and work combined will take up ALL his time - but your husband's employer also has to be on board, and understand that your DH can't work late or travel, and will proabably need extra time off around exams to study. The good news is, if his current employer can't give him this, there are lots of others who can and will. In this regard, DC is a great town to live/work in. Good luck. I think your shock and nervousness are natural, but shouldn't stand in the way of your DH pursuing law school if that is a well thought through decision. |
Anonymous
| I know this may not be what you want to hear, but George Mason University has a very well regarded law school. He could do nights. |
Anonymous
| I have a close friend whose husband went to law school at night while still working FT. After graduating he decided to remain at his current job, where he's well compensated, and pay off his loans. Things are rather different in the city he lives in -- there's much less competition for legal jobs, but they don't pay that well, either -- and only one (not great) law school. I would encourage your husband to explore this a little more, following many of the PPs' suggestions, and consider what he finds enticing about a legal career. |