Selfish?

[Anonymous]

I returned from an overseas trip last week, and brought with me a special bottle of wine. It wasn't expensive at all, just unique to the place I bought it. We opened it a couple nights ago, and had a glass each. We put the rest away. Last night, some of my husband's friends dropped in to visit. He served them the special wine while I was putting the kids to bed, and when I got downstairs, there was none left.
I'm really sad about this. I had bought it to share with my husband, and we only got one glass each. We pride ourselves on being really hospitable and generous, so I'm feeling bad about wishing he hadn't poured the special stuff for guests. But there were lots of other choices, and they wouldn't have known we were "holding out" on them if he hadn't offered it.
I haven't talked to him about it. I don't want to make him feel bad. But I wish I didn't feel this way, either. I know this is trivial, but is it totally selfish?

[Anonymous]

I STILL remember a night that I was out probably 8 years ago. My husband shared a special bottle of wine or port (that I had received as a gift) with his buddies and they didn't leave me any!

I would mention something but in a joking way. We still joke about our little incident after all these years but my point has always remained well taken...

[Anonymous]

maybe your husband is more sensitive than mine, but he may think you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

You're absolutely not being selfish. I hate to generalize, but I will; I think men tend to be less sentimental than women. So while you thought the wine was something special for the two of you, he thought, "Hey, this bottle is open. I'll share it with my friends." Next time you bring something like that home, I'd suggest making a point of telling him it's just for the two of you. Sometimes you have to spell it out.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with PP; men need things specifically mentioned to them. I would feel the same way you do though.

[Anonymous]

I would have felt the same way as you do, but I also agree with the other posters that some men aren't as sentimental as some women. I wouldn't make a huge deal of it, but the next time you have something special, warn your husband ahead of time. Not sure if this would soften the blow, but maybe the wine wouldn't have been as tasty the second time around...doesn't it taste worse once it is exposed to air - even if re-corked?

Also, a similar thing happened to me with an expensive box of chocolates that were eaten without me even having a piece. I did mention it to my husband. His response was - you didn't tell me you were saving it and then he asked "why am I getting so upset over chocolates?" It did seem a little silly to me. It also made me realize that sometimes we get a little too attached to material things.

[Anonymous]

13:44, that's awful. It's not the chocolates that upset you, it's the fact that while everyone was enjoying a treat, no one thought to say, "let's save some for mom". Total lack of consideration like that really hurts.

When I have something special, my pleasure increased by sharing it with people I love. I don't understand how someone can scarf down a box of candy, or guzzle a bottle of wine, without thinking, "I'm enjoying this. Dear wife/mom would enjoy it too. I want to share in her enjoyment of this thing I'm enjoying." It's completely foreign to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Why is it selfish? Surely, OP is not expected to share all of her material possessions with her friends? Why can't she keep a half bottle of wine for herself?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I would have mentioned it to him privately at the time, not in an accusatory way but as more of a heads up. My husband usually has the best of intentions but that doesn't mean he goes without being thoughtless sometimes.

[zumbamama]

You're not selfish, especially if you are questioning yourself about it. Maybe you can hint to him to buy a very special bottle of wine for Mother's Day?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being selfish and I would mention it. Not make a huge case of it, but let him know. It shocks me how insensitive my husband can be sometimes. But I'm not going to fail to tell him just because he may think I'm being ridiculous. It may sink in one day.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's at all selfish and I'm embarrassed to admit that I am more like your husband and my husband would have the same reaction as you. I've learned this lesson at least a couple of times. And now I'm fully aware that his port is his port (shouldn't be dumped into my recipe when we don't have regular wine), and that a gift of wine from him should be shared by us, not used as a last minute house-warming gift. It's important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

You don't get any points for a flip, one-word answer. Grown-ups explain their rationale in cases like this one.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if selfish is the word, maybe just illogical. I mean, you did already have a glass, and your husband most likely just reached for the closest already opened bottle in the fridge. And if it had already been in the fridge opened for a couple of nights, how much longer would it have been good anyway? I think "being really sad about this" is kind of...sad.