Custody Issue - Pendente Lite VS. Divorce Decree - Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

Well either she’s lying about you cheating (which will presumably be discovered) or she’s not. Regardless, the judge correctly let her know she doesn’t have legal grounds for alimony, spousal support, lump sum payment, etc.

You are taking no responsibility for your part in this and maybe the judge saw right though all of YOUR evidence, too. If you’re willing to be shady and confusing in how you tell your story here, who knows how it came off in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

What fault grounds is she filing on if not adultery and not cruelty? Do you have a felony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why?

Too much to recap but I came on here to ask for help about what to do back when we were both living in the same house.
Here's the backstory:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/728320.page

Yikes. Your DW is a lunatic and is damaging your DD. Very sad. Is your DD reasonable well balanced or is she inheriting bad traits from the horrible behavior of your DW? If she's a well balanced kid, keep up whatever you're doing b/c she's going to need it.

Unless the divorce is due to abuse by OP. OP is refusing to discuss the fault-based grounds for a reason.

The fault grounds shouldn’t matter when it comes to custody, so they’re not really relevant. However, what they are relevant to is why there was no signed separation agreement and/or negotiation BEFORE a pendente lite hearing. It should have never gotten to that point. Since it did, I’m afraid OP is in for a long long road ahead of him with his ex.

Abuse toward the wife isn't technically relevant to a custody determination, but if the child witnessed the abuse and/or OP has behaved in questionable manner toward the child, that can be grounds for a judge limiting his access to the child. Especially if the child has expressed a preference not to spend time with her father.

OP isn’t saying purposely, but if you read between the lines it is pretty clearly adultery.

Correct but it still doesn't warrant the punitive nature of the divorce settlement.

If OP neglected his daughter even once during his affair, STBXW had to pick up the slack. And I'm guessing she picked up A LOT of the slack, since people in affair's generally disregard their home life responsibilities. So if that was the "new norm" for their DD, that's what the judge is going to order. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why?

Too much to recap but I came on here to ask for help about what to do back when we were both living in the same house.
Here's the backstory:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/728320.page

Yikes. Your DW is a lunatic and is damaging your DD. Very sad. Is your DD reasonable well balanced or is she inheriting bad traits from the horrible behavior of your DW? If she's a well balanced kid, keep up whatever you're doing b/c she's going to need it.

Unless the divorce is due to abuse by OP. OP is refusing to discuss the fault-based grounds for a reason.

The fault grounds shouldn’t matter when it comes to custody, so they’re not really relevant. However, what they are relevant to is why there was no signed separation agreement and/or negotiation BEFORE a pendente lite hearing. It should have never gotten to that point. Since it did, I’m afraid OP is in for a long long road ahead of him with his ex.

Abuse toward the wife isn't technically relevant to a custody determination, but if the child witnessed the abuse and/or OP has behaved in questionable manner toward the child, that can be grounds for a judge limiting his access to the child. Especially if the child has expressed a preference not to spend time with her father.

OP isn’t saying purposely, but if you read between the lines it is pretty clearly adultery.

Correct but it still doesn't warrant the punitive nature of the divorce settlement.

If OP neglected his daughter even once during his affair, STBXW had to pick up the slack. And I'm guessing she picked up A LOT of the slack, since people in affair's generally disregard their home life responsibilities. So if that was the "new norm" for their DD, that's what the judge is going to order. BTDT.

are you exDH or exDW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Also very strange if they have already been separated for a year or close to a year. Really the only reason you would do this, practically, would be to waive the waiting period. I can’t see what OP’s ex is gaining from this - but I also can’t tell if OP is only giving selective facts because so much doesn’t add up.

The practical reason is because in VA, where OP is (PW County), adultery is a bar to spousal support. The other at fault grounds may reduce Ex's liability for spousal support to OP so it may make sense especially since spousal support is no longer going to be taxable income to the recipient per the new tax law after this year.

[Anonymous]

I doubt OP cheated. His ex didn't get vindictive right away, she got vindictive when she realized 1) how much money she could win by being vindictive, and 2) how much money she could lose by doing 50/50. In VA, OP would be getting at least a $2,000 check every month from his ex if they had a 50-50 physical custody situation.

PL hearings are short--one to two hours. Not much time to figure out anything at a PL hearing.

Anyone can file at fault. You don't need any evidence to file if your lawyer is unethical. My ex counter-filed at fault after I filed no-fault. Ex dropped her at-fault filing on the courthouse steps when my lawyer showed up ready to fight it.

OP: you and your lawyer screwed up. Never move out of the house without an agreement on custody and property that has been blessed by the lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why?

Too much to recap but I came on here to ask for help about what to do back when we were both living in the same house.
Here's the backstory:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/728320.page

Yikes. Your DW is a lunatic and is damaging your DD. Very sad. Is your DD reasonable well balanced or is she inheriting bad traits from the horrible behavior of your DW? If she's a well balanced kid, keep up whatever you're doing b/c she's going to need it.

Unless the divorce is due to abuse by OP. OP is refusing to discuss the fault-based grounds for a reason.

The fault grounds shouldn’t matter when it comes to custody, so they’re not really relevant. However, what they are relevant to is why there was no signed separation agreement and/or negotiation BEFORE a pendente lite hearing. It should have never gotten to that point. Since it did, I’m afraid OP is in for a long long road ahead of him with his ex.

Abuse toward the wife isn't technically relevant to a custody determination, but if the child witnessed the abuse and/or OP has behaved in questionable manner toward the child, that can be grounds for a judge limiting his access to the child. Especially if the child has expressed a preference not to spend time with her father.

OP isn’t saying purposely, but if you read between the lines it is pretty clearly adultery.

Correct but it still doesn't warrant the punitive nature of the divorce settlement.

If OP neglected his daughter even once during his affair, STBXW had to pick up the slack. And I'm guessing she picked up A LOT of the slack, since people in affair's generally disregard their home life responsibilities. So if that was the "new norm" for their DD, that's what the judge is going to order. BTDT.

are you exDH or exDW?

I thought it was pretty clear, but I am the exDW. DH had an affair, and I was essentially a single mom for 10 months. When we went to court, that was evident, despite his involvement with our daughters prior to the affair. Affairs screw up families, plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Also very strange if they have already been separated for a year or close to a year. Really the only reason you would do this, practically, would be to waive the waiting period. I can’t see what OP’s ex is gaining from this - but I also can’t tell if OP is only giving selective facts because so much doesn’t add up.

The practical reason is because in VA, where OP is (PW County), adultery is a bar to spousal support. The other at fault grounds may reduce Ex's liability for spousal support to OP so it may make sense especially since spousal support is no longer going to be taxable income to the recipient per the new tax law after this year.

Normally working adults making $90k per year wouldn’t be entitled to spousal support (only child support) but I suppose anything is possible. OP seems to be implying his ex lied about the fault grounds but it’s hard to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

In Virginia, the grounds for fault-based divorce are adultery, felony conviction resulting in a sentence of more than a year where the couple did not resume cohabiting after the sentence was issued, cruelty (abuse), or desertion of at least one year. You said earlier there was no abuse. You were still living in the house as of last May, so that would tend to rule out felony conviction and desertion. That leaves only adultery as the possible grounds for a fault-based divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Also very strange if they have already been separated for a year or close to a year. Really the only reason you would do this, practically, would be to waive the waiting period. I can’t see what OP’s ex is gaining from this - but I also can’t tell if OP is only giving selective facts because so much doesn’t add up.

The practical reason is because in VA, where OP is (PW County), adultery is a bar to spousal support. The other at fault grounds may reduce Ex's liability for spousal support to OP so it may make sense especially since spousal support is no longer going to be taxable income to the recipient per the new tax law after this year.

Normally working adults making $90k per year wouldn’t be entitled to spousal support (only child support) but I suppose anything is possible. OP seems to be implying his ex lied about the fault grounds but it’s hard to tell.

I got alimony for half the length of my marriage in VA. I made $95,000 but XDH made over 4 times that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

In Virginia, the grounds for fault-based divorce are adultery, felony conviction resulting in a sentence of more than a year where the couple did not resume cohabiting after the sentence was issued, cruelty (abuse), or desertion of at least one year. You said earlier there was no abuse. You were still living in the house as of last May, so that would tend to rule out felony conviction and desertion. That leaves only adultery as the possible grounds for a fault-based divorce.

Yea, sorry OP - fess up or move along. If you cheated, it's ironic you call your wife a narcissist...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

In Virginia, the grounds for fault-based divorce are adultery, felony conviction resulting in a sentence of more than a year where the couple did not resume cohabiting after the sentence was issued, cruelty (abuse), or desertion of at least one year. You said earlier there was no abuse. You were still living in the house as of last May, so that would tend to rule out felony conviction and desertion. That leaves only adultery as the possible grounds for a fault-based divorce.

NP here but why is it off the table that she might be lying about abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your earlier thread about the house sharing situation implied that you were the one initiating the divorce, but here you say she's the one who initiated a fault-based divorce due to adultery? What's going on here?

I initiated the divorce and we agreed to keep it out of court. She said she wanted me to take the lead on everything since I was the one wanting the divorce. She wanted me to draft the separation agreement and file the necessary papers. I don't think she realized that I was serious about moving forward with the divorce.

Once DW realized that things were serious and we really were moving towards divorce she became extremely manipulative and began alienating me from my daughter. DW lied and went back on everything that we had agreed upon. She lawyered up thereby forcing me to lawyer up.

We were on track for a no fault divorce after the year separation period. After months of going back and forth between the lawyers and not getting anywhere she and her lawyer filed for an at fault divorce and pendent lite hearing.

She told her lawyer so many lies at every turn. If you have never dealt with a narcissist before you are very lucky. The lies and manipulation and emotional abuse are enough to make you question your sanity.

What jurisdiction are you in? In most places you can't file for a fault-based divorce on the grounds of adultery without independent corroboration of the adultery (e.g., emails between you and the AP).

Prince William.

It's more than likely going to end up being a no fault divorce because she basically just took everything and threw it against the wall to see what would stick, including lies. A lot of lies that she told we unpacked during the pendente lite which is the reason I believe she didn't get any of the other stuff she was asking for alimony, spousal support, lawyer fees, lump sum payments, etc

So now you're changing your story and you didn't cheat?

I never said anything about cheating. DCUM assumed.

In Virginia, the grounds for fault-based divorce are adultery, felony conviction resulting in a sentence of more than a year where the couple did not resume cohabiting after the sentence was issued, cruelty (abuse), or desertion of at least one year. You said earlier there was no abuse. You were still living in the house as of last May, so that would tend to rule out felony conviction and desertion. That leaves only adultery as the possible grounds for a fault-based divorce.

NP here but why is it off the table that she might be lying about abuse?

People have asked repeatedly what the grounds were for the fault-based divorce, and OP has been very coy in responses to it. If she's lying about the grounds for the divorce, OP can say that - "She's claiming abuse but I've never been abusive." But dancing around the issue like OP has suggests there's something to it that OP doesn't want to admit, which doesn't help his credibility.

[Anonymous]

OP - you may want to step back and figure out what truly is better for your daughter.

1. You are not being barred from spending time with her at all. You can't claim you are being driven out. Every other weekend is normal and you need to be prepared to spend your time with her when you have her. You also have visitation during the week just not an overnight.

2. You described yourself as a very involved father. This is nice but you never described yourself as a primary parent. Spending time and bonding with your child is very important but at least one souse and sometimes two takes on the role of caregiver-which means all the not so fun stuff like doctors appointments, school activities, sickness, clothing shopping, finds the summer camps, setting up play dates and activities, etc etc. Think about this one.

3. Too often judges see one parent fight for more time only to later start drawing back on the time they won because they aren't the primary parent. This usually happens with the dads and its very damaging for kids. The kids get dumped because Dad has a date or Dad's new girl friend wants to go out of town. When you don't act like a primary parent, it is easier to set the kids aside and reschedule them. If you are the primary parent, kids come first. Before you fight for more time, you better be sure that you will live up to that commitment.

4. Child support is about making sure the child's needs are met. You seem miffed that your wife makes 100K more than you, yet you have to pay some child support. You probably are realizing that you may not get any alimony. It sounds like you were banking on not paying anything toward your child and possibly getting alimony from your wife.

Make sure that your desire for 50/50 isn't to get your wife to fund you. Judges also see this a lot where one spouse who has never been the primary parent is driven more to acquire more custody to get access to more money.