Custody Issue While Separated - Please Help!!
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Anonymous
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My wife and I have been separated for the past 7 months. I moved out of the Master bedroom to the guest room and she kept the Master bedroom for her and our child who is 10. I have tried for years to get my wife to allow our daughter to sleep in her own room/bed but she wants our daughter sleeping in the Master bedroom with her.
The problem is that my wife keeps our daughter locked up in the Master bedroom for hours at a time. For example on the weekends they will lay together in bed for 12-13 hours per day playing video games, sleeping, eating etc. They literally won't leave the room for hours. My wife works from home and picks our daughter up from school and she brings daughter upstairs into the Master bedroom immediately and they stay in there all night even eating dinner in the bed. She doesn't let our daughter out of her sight and always has to have her up underfoot. My wife is a narcissist and control freak and verbally and emotionally abusive. I have endured this for over 20 years but can't take it anymore. The only reason I have stayed is for our child. Since I want out of the marriage my wife is now punishing me by keeping our daughter from me. My wife is using our daughter to manipulate and control me and has been purposely interfering in our relationship. I already know what she's capable of because for years she separated my daughter and I from my side of the family. We always had to go to her family events and she never came to any of mine or let my daughter come with me to see my side of the family. She completely cut off my child's relationship with her grandmother (my mom) and claims that she's right in doing so because my mom is crazy. I tried to speak with wife about getting a separation and custody agreement in place but she told me "I'm not making a schedule to see my daughter!" I proposed 50/50 split so we get equal parenting time. I also tried to file a petition for custody while separated at the courthouse so that I can get some quality time with my daughter but I found out that I cannot file for this since we all live in the same house. The current environment is toxic and hostile and unhealthy for all of us and I want to move out but I'm afraid that if I do she will refuse to allow me to see my daughter at all. Wife has already brainwashed our daughter and coached her what to say. I was talking to our daughter recently and I asked her to come out and spend time with daddy and she said "I am there of my own will. I want to be in the room." With each day that passes I am being further isolated from our child and it hurts. Please help. |
Anonymous
| You need to talk to a divorce attorney in your jurisdiction about what your options are. |
Anonymous
Yep. Or you need to move into a small apartment so that you have arranged/scheduled visiting times and you will have your DD to yourself because it is away from home |
Anonymous
| Keep a diary. Document all the times and activities. Talk to a lawyer before you file anything and before you move out. |
Anonymous
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Can you pick up your DD from school early? Since there is no custody arrangement, the school won't have any issue releasing your DD to your care. then you guys can hang out for a while can come home.
I feel really bad for your kid. She must get so bored of hanging out in the same room and at her age I am sure she wants to be outside running around. |
Anonymous
| Don't yet leave the marital home; you will be at a disadvantage legally. Consult a good family practice attorney. |
Anonymous
| You need to call an attorney about this. |
Anonymous
I have retained a lawyer. Lawyer put together the separation agreement and sent it to my wife but she's refusing to sign it. |
Anonymous
I pay the mortgage on the house by myself. I can't afford to pay for an apartment plus the house. My wife and I both used to make good money but have both taken financial losses. I've explained to her that we can't keep our currently lifestyle up but she refuses to move and says that I will continue to pay mortgage and she will continue to live in the house until our daughter is grown. Both our names are on deed to house but only my name is on mortgage to house so I'm financially responsible for the house. |
Anonymous
I have been taking notes and sharing what's going on with my lawyer but he is saying she needs to sign the agreement before I move but she won't sign. |
Anonymous
| I feel so bad for your child. That sounds unhealthy and she is going to need some serious therapy. |
Anonymous
Great suggestion. I could take off work early a few times to do this but long-term this might be a problem because I work out of the home and do not get home until after 6. |
Anonymous
| Please take care of yourself during this difficult time. Make sure that you have an outlet for your frustration while dealing with your spouse and soon to be ex-spouse. Getting a little therapy might help too. |
Anonymous
What does your lawyer say to do next? |
Anonymous
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What separation agreement? Move out. You can't get a divorce unless you have lived separately. You wife can't keep you there forever, and what's the point of living in your house if you don't see your daughter?
You have wasted enough time not seeing her. Get a new lawyer! Maybe she would get out of the house with her at least and do things if you weren't there. Your daughter is the one suffering. See how "trying to do the right thing" can go bad. You will probably end up selling the house in divorce and you will see your daughter again. You'll get 50/50 most likely unless you are hiding something you didn't write about. Seeing her weekend is even better than what you have going on now. |