Custody Issue - Pendente Lite VS. Divorce Decree - Help!

[Anonymous]

DH here in the midst of a divorce.
Prior to DW and I separating I had been very involved in 11 year old DD's life.
DW filed a pendent lite order with the court to ask for full custody with me only having visitation every other weekend plus one midweek day visitation for a couple of hours.
I asked the court for 50/50 custody.
DW makes $200K and I make $90K. She also asked the court for child support each month.
DW basically threw everything at the wall to see what would stick...she asked that I pay her $15K attorneys fees, she asked for a lump sump payout, she asked for spousal support.
The judge struck down most of her requests but he did end up giving her the custody situation that she wants.
Now I only get to see my daughter every other weekend plus one midweek day.
The judge also ordered that I pay DW $900 per month in child support.
I am shocked at this and can't even begin to wrap my head around this.

I am really sick to my stomach and depressed and feeling powerless. I have played a large part in DD's life since birth. Even now during the separation I have been seeing her for a few minutes each day as this is all that DW would allow.
DW wouldn't allow any mid week overnights and she only allowed overnights every other weekend because this is the schedule she's been trying to push me into. Ever since the separation DW has alienated me from DD and it feels like she's been ripped right out of my life.

The divorce is not final YET but I'm worried that the judge's Pendente Lite ruling will be written into stone and into the final divorce decree.

Has anyone here achieved a different custody outcome in the final divorce decree than what the judge ordered during the temporary relief (Pendente Lite) hearing?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is happening.

Do you have an attorney? What are the arguments that prevented a 50/50 arrangement? Does your work schedule allow the logistics that a 50/50 situation requires?

[Anonymous]

Wow, sorry to hear. What was the cause of the divorce? Either way, your STBXDW is not realizing the damage this is causing your DD. It's selfish and vengeful, even if you cheated. Frankly, I'm shocked at everything going against you and I would REALLY push to get 50-50 custody even though you already kind of agreed? Hire a good lawyer b/c I think changing that custody down the road will become even tougher. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

what does your attorney say? 50/50 is the norm in most states, are there extenuating circumstances cited by your Stbx? I'm sorry this is happening.

[Anonymous]

What state is this in?

[Anonymous]

What state are you in? Does your current living situation have space for your DD?

[Anonymous]

Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry this is happening.

Do you have an attorney? What are the arguments that prevented a 50/50 arrangement? Does your work schedule allow the logistics that a 50/50 situation requires?

Yes, I have an attorney. My attorney mentioned that this seems to be the new norm recently with this court pushing dad's into the every other weekend scenario.

The judge basically said that it is clear that I've been a very involved father since birth but that since separation DW has taken on the primary caregiver role and that is the new norm. I did my best to explain to the judge all of the tactics that DW has been using to separate and alienate me from DD in an attempt to get primary custody. The judge seemed to be listening intently but then he went to deliberate and came back with this ruling.

Yes, I work from home and have a flexible schedule to accommodate 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry this is happening.

Do you have an attorney? What are the arguments that prevented a 50/50 arrangement? Does your work schedule allow the logistics that a 50/50 situation requires?

Yes, I have an attorney. My attorney mentioned that this seems to be the new norm recently with this court pushing dad's into the every other weekend scenario.

The judge basically said that it is clear that I've been a very involved father since birth but that since separation DW has taken on the primary caregiver role and that is the new norm. I did my best to explain to the judge all of the tactics that DW has been using to separate and alienate me from DD in an attempt to get primary custody. The judge seemed to be listening intently but then he went to deliberate and came back with this ruling.

Yes, I work from home and have a flexible schedule to accommodate 50/50.

This doesn’t make any sense. Your attorney SUCKS. Do not retain him for the divorce. I’m so sorry this is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state are you in? Does your current living situation have space for your DD?

Virginia, Prince William County.

Yes, I have a two bedroom apt and DD has her own room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

She is very bitter and doing everything she can to hurt me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

She is very bitter and doing everything she can to hurt me.

Please take time to heal yourself and treat yourself well. You will prosper in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

She is very bitter and doing everything she can to hurt me.

Is she filing for a fault divorce, hence why you are having a pendente lite hearing and your attorneys seem to be unable to negotiate? Technically this has no bearing on the final outcome, but in practice...who knows. It’s not right nor relevant for her to “get back” at you through custody if you cheated or did elsewise to cause the “fault”, but SOMETHING is making her act the way she is. Honestly, it never should have gotten to this hearing thus why I question this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

She is very bitter and doing everything she can to hurt me.

Is she filing for a fault divorce, hence why you are having a pendente lite hearing and your attorneys seem to be unable to negotiate? Technically this has no bearing on the final outcome, but in practice...who knows. It’s not right nor relevant for her to “get back” at you through custody if you cheated or did elsewise to cause the “fault”, but SOMETHING is making her act the way she is. Honestly, it never should have gotten to this hearing thus why I question this.

Yes she is filing for an at fault divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the DW bitter from the divorce and punishing you for it? Either way, her response is ridiculous. Once she starts dating again, she will resent this arrangement.

Bitter divorces truly spoil the soil for everyone.

She is very bitter and doing everything she can to hurt me.

Is she filing for a fault divorce, hence why you are having a pendente lite hearing and your attorneys seem to be unable to negotiate? Technically this has no bearing on the final outcome, but in practice...who knows. It’s not right nor relevant for her to “get back” at you through custody if you cheated or did elsewise to cause the “fault”, but SOMETHING is making her act the way she is. Honestly, it never should have gotten to this hearing thus why I question this.

Yes she is filing for an at fault divorce.

Okay, so at least her anger makes sense even if it’s not technically relevant to custody. Again, I’m sorry and just try to stay the course and do everything you can to prepare a better case for the divorce trial.