Separated soon to be ex H is moving in with AP... DS has never met her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

How is he going to enforce his custody rights, if the OP just refuses these overnights? There is no divorce settlement agreement in place, and the husband would have to go to court for temporary custody schedule. These hearings are not easy to get during covid. She can easily drag it out for a year increasing his legal bills. I am not saying OP would easily get full custody but she can make life difficult enough for dad if he moves out like that.

Court/custody battle. If Dad is a decent Dad, you need to keep your marriage out of it. He cheated on Mom, not the child. Granted cheating does impact parenting but if it was an issue many mom's would not get custody too. Courts don't care about cheating. And, you only hurt the child. And, she's also increasing his legal bills. There is no guarantee a judge will grant her attorney fees. So, they can end up fighting for years, huge attorney fees and then what? A child struggling as the parents are too busy fighting to put him first?

He can walk out on his marriage but don't give him a free pass to walk out on his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are.

What does SHE have to do with dad's decisions to come see or not see the kid? He wants convenience of overnights living in a different state, while not sharing parenting duties. I wouldn't allow overnights with AP so fast, and would tell him go get enforce his parental rights in court or accept visitation at OP's house

[Anonymous]

When it's asked, tell your son the truth. My son is a very intelligent being and his Dad is a dirt bag. I answer his questions honestly without bashing his Dad. If you hide the truth eventually he'll realized you covered for a dirt bag and be mad at you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

How is he going to enforce his custody rights, if the OP just refuses these overnights? There is no divorce settlement agreement in place, and the husband would have to go to court for temporary custody schedule. These hearings are not easy to get during covid. She can easily drag it out for a year increasing his legal bills. I am not saying OP would easily get full custody but she can make life difficult enough for dad if he moves out like that.

Court/custody battle. If Dad is a decent Dad, you need to keep your marriage out of it. He cheated on Mom, not the child. Granted cheating does impact parenting but if it was an issue many mom's would not get custody too. Courts don't care about cheating. And, you only hurt the child. And, she's also increasing his legal bills. There is no guarantee a judge will grant her attorney fees. So, they can end up fighting for years, huge attorney fees and then what? A child struggling as the parents are too busy fighting to put him first?

He can walk out on his marriage but don't give him a free pass to walk out on his child.

You are not reading all information: her husband is still her husband. They are not divorced. He wants to introduce AP before the divorce is even final. And he moves to a different town!
I am not saying to engage in custody battle for years. But a threat of having him enforce his rights via courts could at least hold on him introducing the son to AP. He could visit son for 6-12 months, before allowing those overnights. Take it one step at a time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Dad is not upholding his end either either way. Why are you opposed to having 50/50 in writing??? So dad can say mom didn’t want him involved? Kid will be disappointed either way, but as it is now, dad can claim his non involvement was bc of mom. My POS dad was just like OPs soon to be ex, and my dumb mother let him off the hook on every turn and he blamed her. I had friends in his neighborhood and found him home when he claimed he was away on business. I would be in earshot hearing my parents talk and my dad refusing to take us on family trips with AP (soon to be wife) and her kids. Then he’d turn around and tell me that my mom wouldn’t let us come. If the 50/50 split is in writing, he could at least be held culpable even if his behavior doesn’t change. Refusing 50/50 custody is HORRIBLE bc you as the child know that your parent never wanted you from the jump.
Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

How is he going to enforce his custody rights, if the OP just refuses these overnights? There is no divorce settlement agreement in place, and the husband would have to go to court for temporary custody schedule. These hearings are not easy to get during covid. She can easily drag it out for a year increasing his legal bills. I am not saying OP would easily get full custody but she can make life difficult enough for dad if he moves out like that.

Court/custody battle. If Dad is a decent Dad, you need to keep your marriage out of it. He cheated on Mom, not the child. Granted cheating does impact parenting but if it was an issue many mom's would not get custody too. Courts don't care about cheating. And, you only hurt the child. And, she's also increasing his legal bills. There is no guarantee a judge will grant her attorney fees. So, they can end up fighting for years, huge attorney fees and then what? A child struggling as the parents are too busy fighting to put him first?

He can walk out on his marriage but don't give him a free pass to walk out on his child.

You are not reading all information: her husband is still her husband. They are not divorced. He wants to introduce AP before the divorce is even final. And he moves to a different town!
I am not saying to engage in custody battle for years. But a threat of having him enforce his rights via courts could at least hold on him introducing the son to AP. He could visit son for 6-12 months, before allowing those overnights. Take it one step at a time

This absolutely is on the right path as long as they are still legally married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Dad is not upholding his end either either way. Why are you opposed to having 50/50 in writing??? So dad can say mom didn’t want him involved? Kid will be disappointed either way, but as it is now, dad can claim his non involvement was bc of mom. My POS dad was just like OPs soon to be ex, and my dumb mother let him off the hook on every turn and he blamed her. I had friends in his neighborhood and found him home when he claimed he was away on business. I would be in earshot hearing my parents talk and my dad refusing to take us on family trips with AP (soon to be wife) and her kids. Then he’d turn around and tell me that my mom wouldn’t let us come. If the 50/50 split is in writing, he could at least be held culpable even if his behavior doesn’t change. Refusing 50/50 custody is HORRIBLE bc you as the child know that your parent never wanted you from the jump.
Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are.

Dad not only looks bad already, he is bad as far as his kid is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Why does dad have the freedom to a a don his child and mom doesn’t? Not that she would but that’s the situation that is left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Dad is not upholding his end either either way. Why are you opposed to having 50/50 in writing??? So dad can say mom didn’t want him involved? Kid will be disappointed either way, but as it is now, dad can claim his non involvement was bc of mom. My POS dad was just like OPs soon to be ex, and my dumb mother let him off the hook on every turn and he blamed her. I had friends in his neighborhood and found him home when he claimed he was away on business. I would be in earshot hearing my parents talk and my dad refusing to take us on family trips with AP (soon to be wife) and her kids. Then he’d turn around and tell me that my mom wouldn’t let us come. If the 50/50 split is in writing, he could at least be held culpable even if his behavior doesn’t change. Refusing 50/50 custody is HORRIBLE bc you as the child know that your parent never wanted you from the jump.
Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are.

Dad not only looks bad already, he is bad as far as his kid is concerned.

He may be a jerk but he's still dad and the child losing his parents being married and dad is far worse than anything. You are punishing your child as much as your ex by taking away their parent. Don't play games with your child's childhood. Its not about you, its about the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does dad have the freedom to a a don his child and mom doesn’t? Not that she would but that’s the situation that is left.

That's why you insist he do 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

How is he going to enforce his custody rights, if the OP just refuses these overnights? There is no divorce settlement agreement in place, and the husband would have to go to court for temporary custody schedule. These hearings are not easy to get during covid. She can easily drag it out for a year increasing his legal bills. I am not saying OP would easily get full custody but she can make life difficult enough for dad if he moves out like that.

NP. TERRIBLE, short sighted advice here. That money should be put towards a family counselor for the child, maybe all involved. Not spending thousands of dollars to start a pissing war with the child in flux. It is terrible to suffer in a holding pattern and you may as well just light money on fire. It is financially ignorant and stupid and immature. I hate seeing petty vs petty. At some point, take responsibility and make lemonades out of lemons.

[Anonymous]

Everyone - the couple is still MARRIED! Her husband wants to move away to his mistress and insists on overnights. For that he needs his wife's consent, or a temporary custody agreement/court order. It seems to me the husband insists on doing it "his way" without any legal rights to do so or any expense. Mom can just as easily say no to her child leaving the marital home stating overnights with a stranger, basically. Just like she can say no to field trips, overnight camps etc

Besides, all those 50/50 fans - it doesn't look like AP or dad even want the child 50/50. They only want to "host" once in a while. You can't force 50/50 even via court on any parent. And it will be unhealthy and psychologically damaging for the child to be in a household where he's not wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

You realize you and your husband at one point were strangers. You don't get to say he loses custody and if he went to court, you could lose given you are withholding the child. Once you separate, regardless of the reason, you don't get to dictate things.

I don't think so. The situation here is the father is leaving the family home to move in with another woman. I am not suggesting the OP can cut off all contact with the father, but she also very much has the upper hand in this situation. If he leaves without a separation agreement then all bets are off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

You realize you and your husband at one point were strangers. You don't get to say he loses custody and if he went to court, you could lose given you are withholding the child. Once you separate, regardless of the reason, you don't get to dictate things.

I don't think so. The situation here is the father is leaving the family home to move in with another woman. I am not suggesting the OP can cut off all contact with the father, but she also very much has the upper hand in this situation. If he leaves without a separation agreement then all bets are off.

No, she doesn't necessarily and a judge may not be happy if she cuts off ties or contact. And, you hurt the child. Why would you do that to your child? Tell him if he had time for an affair, he has time to share custody. You don't let him bail. Regardless of if you like or not, the AP is there to stay (till he cheats on her).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone - the couple is still MARRIED! Her husband wants to move away to his mistress and insists on overnights. For that he needs his wife's consent, or a temporary custody agreement/court order. It seems to me the husband insists on doing it "his way" without any legal rights to do so or any expense. Mom can just as easily say no to her child leaving the marital home stating overnights with a stranger, basically. Just like she can say no to field trips, overnight camps etc

Besides, all those 50/50 fans - it doesn't look like AP or dad even want the child 50/50. They only want to "host" once in a while. You can't force 50/50 even via court on any parent. And it will be unhealthy and psychologically damaging for the child to be in a household where he's not wanted.

No, he doesn't need her consent or an order. As a parent you can do what you want until there is an order. No one is saying that he is not wanted in the other household. Dad is wanting every other weekend as its easy but why agree and make it easy on him. There are no allegations of abuse or neglect, just poor marital behavior. Mom isn't going to get to control what happens on Dad's time. You are setting this up for a horrible custody battle when that money can be better spent on the child.