Separated soon to be ex H is moving in with AP... DS has never met her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I have avoided telling DS the truth thus far because I don't see how that information about his father is helpful. I realize he will probably figure it out eventually and I don't plan to lie if he asks directly, but I don't feel great about offering it up otherwise. It's his father's responsibility to tell him, in my opinion.

That's a good question about leverage. I will have to speak with my attorney. Do you have any ideas?

This may be a naive question but do you have any chance on opposing this on simple moral grounds? I sure as hell would not want my nine year old son visiting his father when his shack up homewrecking girlfriend was there.

I'm sorry OP. This is really sad for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell Dad fine, but he needs to sit down with you and son and tell son that he's leaving to move in with a "friend" or his girlfriend or what ever word he chooses and that he'll be visiting there. I'd tell Dad he gets 50/50 custody. Don't do like PP said and have him choose between his parents. But, don't let Dad let out of being a parent and doing his share.

OP again - He does not want 50/50 bc he has a demanding essential job, and AP lives far enough away that it makes weekday overnights a struggle. And of course, because he wants as much child-free time as possible with AP.

OMG. My dad refused joint custody. Do NOT let him out of 50/50. He needs to maintain a relationship with your kid. Otherwise he’s going to skip out on him and it will not be good. If he still doesn’t show up, DS can have better (not perfect) proof that it was on dad (not moms fault) that he didn’t spend time with his son. I was old enough to know that my dad was a piece of crap and caught him in his own lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

That is what I am saying! He needs to accept 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, you cannot make a parent “parent”.

OP, does his AP have kids? Have you met her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

That is what I am saying! He needs to accept 50/50 custody.

I don't see any benefit for the kids to be in the household where dad basically doesn't want him to be 50%. In that case, visitation for dad and permanent household with mom would be far better arrangement for the child. Of course, combined with increased child support obligation. This is how it's done in Europe when one parent doesn't want to parent - you can't force the dad to be a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.

So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any leverage to include it in your divorce settlement agreement?

Include what?

It is a very typical divorce settlement clause that the new partners not to be introduced to kids until after 6-12 months AFTER the divorce. I understand you are not even divorced yet! Basically he abandons you and your son, and yet wants some overnights. This is insane, I would only offer him visitation in such situation and request full custody and increased child support

You guys are so delusional. There is no abandonment. You are allowed to leave. Certainly he’s not abandoning the child if he wants overnighted. You don’t get full custody and increased child support in these circumstances. You all are so unrealistic and talking from a place of such naïveté that you offer nothing helpful for OP.

How is he going to enforce his custody rights, if the OP just refuses these overnights? There is no divorce settlement agreement in place, and the husband would have to go to court for temporary custody schedule. These hearings are not easy to get during covid. She can easily drag it out for a year increasing his legal bills. I am not saying OP would easily get full custody but she can make life difficult enough for dad if he moves out like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT?

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.

Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed. Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him? He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time? Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on.

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life. Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out. +10000

This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?

You plan for Dad not to show up and tell the kid I'm sorry. Or, you don't tell the kid they are going until Dad shows up if he's not reliable.