Reply to Separated soon to be ex H is moving in with AP... DS has never met her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been separated (in-house) for over 6 months now due to infidelity on his part. He announced to me last night that he plans to move into AP's house before the end of the month and expects to have our DS (9) overnight there with him during his every other weekend time. Problem is, DS doesn't know AP exists and thinks we split up bc "we just couldn't get along anymore." I have been advised that I can't do much to stop this scenario, so I'm asking for tips on how to handle the situation in the best way to help my DS through it. I am sick thinking of DS having to share space with a perfect stranger, in her house, in another town.

Has anyone BTDT? [/quote]

I know some people write no opposite sex partners sleeping over when you have the kids into their separation agreements. Do you have a separation agreement?

Because if you don't have something you both agreed to in writing I would tell this jerk to pound sand. Your son isn't sleeping over and being exposed to your ex's $h!tshow.[/quote]

Dad is not upholding his end either either way. Why are you opposed to having 50/50 in writing???  So dad can say mom didn’t want him involved?  Kid will be disappointed either way, but as it is now, dad can claim his non involvement was bc of mom. My POS dad was just like OPs soon to be ex, and my dumb mother let him off the hook on every turn and he blamed her. I had friends in his neighborhood and found him home when he claimed he was away on business. I would be in earshot hearing my parents talk and my dad refusing to take us on family trips with AP (soon to be wife) and her kids. Then he’d turn around and tell me that my mom wouldn’t let us come. If the 50/50 split is in writing, he could at least be held culpable even if his behavior doesn’t change. Refusing 50/50 custody is HORRIBLE bc you as the child know that your parent never wanted you from the jump.
Even if son doesn't sleep over he's still exposed.  Why give Dad a free pass and take away parenting from him?  He still is a parent and needs to do it 50% of the time?  Sheltering the kid from it is only going to make it worse, not better.[/quote]

Dad has already bailed on 50/50 and now wants the son to go sleep at a stranger's house. I can't imagine telling my 9 year old they have to do that. I'd hold my ground until dad at least came up with an agreement that eases the kid into this. Obviously you can't stop it forever but the father is making a choice to leave. Doesn't mean the mom and kid have to subject to his every whim.[/quote]

Nooooooooo!!!!! This is what my dad claimed. Demanding job, BS. Sorry but he needs to put his f’in big boy pants on. [/quote]

No, tell him he can walk out on the marriage but he is not walking out on the child and being a visitor in your child's life.  Tell him he gets every other week and to figure it out.   +10000  [/quote]
This.... isn’t how it works. When dad doesn’t show up, you do....what?[/quote]

Then that’s on dad NOT mom. As it stands, it will look like mom forced dad out. Let the *hit fall on dads face not mom. (I feel the same if mom and dads roles were reversed.) Dad is getting all the perks without getting dirty.[/quote]
So you prefer to let your kid be disappointed about dad not coming to get him so dad looks bad? Really? Are you a parent? I hope not. Besides, the kid will figure it all out. He will know who his parents are. [/quote][/quote]

Dad not only looks bad already, he is bad as far as his kid is concerned.[/quote]

He may be a jerk but he's still dad and the child losing his parents being married and dad is far worse than anything.  You are punishing your child as much as your ex by taking away their parent.  Don't play games with your child's childhood.  Its not about you, its about the child.[/quote]

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