Stepdaughter (16) is out of control

[Anonymous]

My husband works long hours in law,

You're not in her life. I don't even need to read the rest. I feel for her. She has been abandoned. She will go no contact with both of you in ten or twenty years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll right?

Sadly, this is probably not a troll and why you don’t want your kids to have step parents.

It’s easy to demonize a stepmom but notice which parent cares enough to write this post? Workaholic dad is escaping into work. Stepmom is at the end of her rope. She CARES enough to ask for help here. She is clearly not the villain. Dad is the one who needs to take time off and parent his daughter. Maybe even take a demotion or forget about being on partner track.

I was this stepmom 15 years ago, powerless as I watched the train wreck before me and frustrated and pissed that my DH and his ex were basically refusing to parent. I posted here so often asking for help and advice and I was lucky to occasionally get a nugget or two of wisdom amidst all the stepmom hate. My DH and his ex were so caught up in avoiding conflict with their daughter (because they didn’t want to “lose” her to the less strict parent) tha they let her get away with SO MUCH self-destruction; it was torture to watch. And torture for my SD who was screaming, screaming (through her increasingly self-destructive actions) for someone to SET SOME LIMITS and boundaries in her life. She ended up a heroin addict, finding her habit through stripping and later worse.

I was the only one who saw the truth of what she was doing. I did get her into voluntary rehab once, but she stayed only 30 days and it didn’t stick. (Her mom came to get her, didn’t stick to any of our boundaries, and set her up on a road to death again.) She was arrested I can’t count how many times. The only thing tha finally got DH to cut her off was when her BFF oD’d and died. We told her we would pay for inpatient treatment and nothing else, no lawyers, no bail, no rent.

She is clean now, and has been for 7 years. I am closer to her than either of her parents, and she has told me more of what she went through than either of them know. I am not her mom, and I never will be, but I know my love and care helped guide her path back to life. Her parents’ enabling nearly killed her.

OP’s DH needs to be a dad.

Seriously I cannot understand why women marry into these situations. Why would you agree to raise a child with someone who is such an awful parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She tends to do a bit better at her mom’s house, which is part of why we decided to send her there. Her parents have been divorced for many years and I’ve been in her life for several, so this isn’t a brand new dynamic. She’s done therapy in the past but is currently refusing to go. We’ve also tried for years to get her a full neuropsych evaluation, but she won’t participate. She was diagnosed with ADHD by her pediatrician in elementary school, but she will not take any medication or see her psychiatrist. We’ve tried so many different approaches over the years, but she refuses to listen to or respect my husband at all, which has made things especially difficult. -OP

1. Does she have any siblings and how are they? Is she oldest, youngest or middle?
2. Why did her parents divorce and hold old was she then?
3. How is your relationship with her one-on one? How is your relationship with her mother? How is dad's relationship with the bio mom?
4. Of course she was diagnosed with ADHD; that's the first default. It means nothing. You are medicalizing a problem that is probably trauma related to her parents' divorce.
5. When did her relationship with her father nosedive, and why?

That kind of distorted thinking is why children cannot get the right medical and psychiatric. No. No trauma is going to manufacture ADHD symptoms out of thin air.

My best friend's husband kept claiming for many years that the fact their child was adopted explained all the concerns her teachers had, namely, inattention and reading problems. At 16, this child asked for an evaluation, in which it was revealed that she was dyslexic and had ADHD.

While there can be trauma from challenging childhood situations, the ADHD, learning disabilities, anxiety, depression and autism are often standalone diagnoses and exist because they have been genetically inherited.

DO NOT BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED BY DIVORCE. That's a road to disaster.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DH needs to see this as the crisis it is and step back from work hours as much as possible. What would be worse…her death or him changing jobs? She is on the road to addiction and death now. This will NOT get better on its own.

You get lots of credit from me for the parenting you have done with her older siblings. It is clear that you are an involved and caring stepmom. But you should not have had to most of your DH’s 50%. Some kids can get by with a lousy dad because they don’t have as many challenges or the have better internal external supports. But his youngest daughter will not survive these year unscathed with an absent and distant dad.

Practical things you both can do if he will actually make parenting his daughter his PRIORITY on all of his days and weekends:

1) If she won’t turn over her devices, turn off your home WiFi and cut off the data plan for the phone

2) Keys stay in a locked safe at all times.

3) Family dinner every night, no devices.

4) Dad and daughter have to do life together. He has to be the one to take her running errands. Shop with her. If he has to go into work on a weekend, she comes to the office and helps. Basically, they need to have a relationship again. That starts with the basics of existing together without devices.

5) is there anything that makes her smile? Anything she likes to do? Anything she is proud of? Anything she looks forward to? Build on her strengths and what she enjoys.

6) the biggest question your DH has to ask himself each day right now - EACH day - is “How and I going to connect with my daughter today? Where can I find chances for connection?” Could be texting her from work, sending her something funny, taking her out to dinner solo, etc.

7) give her an opportunity to earn money in some way, or help her find one. What does she do well? Build on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not having an irrational step mom and not having an absent father could help.

This. I feel sorry for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll right?

Sadly, this is probably not a troll and why you don’t want your kids to have step parents.

It’s easy to demonize a stepmom but notice which parent cares enough to write this post? Workaholic dad is escaping into work. Stepmom is at the end of her rope. She CARES enough to ask for help here. She is clearly not the villain. Dad is the one who needs to take time off and parent his daughter. Maybe even take a demotion or forget about being on partner track.

I was this stepmom 15 years ago, powerless as I watched the train wreck before me and frustrated and pissed that my DH and his ex were basically refusing to parent. I posted here so often asking for help and advice and I was lucky to occasionally get a nugget or two of wisdom amidst all the stepmom hate. My DH and his ex were so caught up in avoiding conflict with their daughter (because they didn’t want to “lose” her to the less strict parent) tha they let her get away with SO MUCH self-destruction; it was torture to watch. And torture for my SD who was screaming, screaming (through her increasingly self-destructive actions) for someone to SET SOME LIMITS and boundaries in her life. She ended up a heroin addict, finding her habit through stripping and later worse.

I was the only one who saw the truth of what she was doing. I did get her into voluntary rehab once, but she stayed only 30 days and it didn’t stick. (Her mom came to get her, didn’t stick to any of our boundaries, and set her up on a road to death again.) She was arrested I can’t count how many times. The only thing tha finally got DH to cut her off was when her BFF oD’d and died. We told her we would pay for inpatient treatment and nothing else, no lawyers, no bail, no rent.

She is clean now, and has been for 7 years. I am closer to her than either of her parents, and she has told me more of what she went through than either of them know. I am not her mom, and I never will be, but I know my love and care helped guide her path back to life. Her parents’ enabling nearly killed her.

OP’s DH needs to be a dad.

She only posted this because she cares about her money and her peace. She does not care about the daughter.

You married a piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps more serious consequences would be helpful? If she won’t hand over her car keys, then sell the car or put a boot on it. If she won’t hand over her phone, then cancel her line. Put your car keys/wallet in a lock box so she can’t steal your car.

I don’t think her behavior will improve until you figure out the cause of it. Other posters are probably right in that she wants her father’s attention. I can understand how you might need a break from her temporarily, but her staying at her mother’s house shouldn’t be a long term solution.

If she’s really dysregulated next time she is at your home, you could take her to the Psych Hospital in Falls Church. They may be able to come up with a medication that would help her ADHD/help her control her impulses, which may help your home life a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll right?

Sadly, this is probably not a troll and why you don’t want your kids to have step parents.

It’s easy to demonize a stepmom but notice which parent cares enough to write this post? Workaholic dad is escaping into work. Stepmom is at the end of her rope. She CARES enough to ask for help here. She is clearly not the villain. Dad is the one who needs to take time off and parent his daughter. Maybe even take a demotion or forget about being on partner track.

I was this stepmom 15 years ago, powerless as I watched the train wreck before me and frustrated and pissed that my DH and his ex were basically refusing to parent. I posted here so often asking for help and advice and I was lucky to occasionally get a nugget or two of wisdom amidst all the stepmom hate. My DH and his ex were so caught up in avoiding conflict with their daughter (because they didn’t want to “lose” her to the less strict parent) tha they let her get away with SO MUCH self-destruction; it was torture to watch. And torture for my SD who was screaming, screaming (through her increasingly self-destructive actions) for someone to SET SOME LIMITS and boundaries in her life. She ended up a heroin addict, finding her habit through stripping and later worse.

I was the only one who saw the truth of what she was doing. I did get her into voluntary rehab once, but she stayed only 30 days and it didn’t stick. (Her mom came to get her, didn’t stick to any of our boundaries, and set her up on a road to death again.) She was arrested I can’t count how many times. The only thing tha finally got DH to cut her off was when her BFF oD’d and died. We told her we would pay for inpatient treatment and nothing else, no lawyers, no bail, no rent.

She is clean now, and has been for 7 years. I am closer to her than either of her parents, and she has told me more of what she went through than either of them know. I am not her mom, and I never will be, but I know my love and care helped guide her path back to life. Her parents’ enabling nearly killed her.

OP’s DH needs to be a dad.

Seriously I cannot understand why women marry into these situations. Why would you agree to raise a child with someone who is such an awful parent?

lol, if I could compile all my DCUM posts over the years it might make a great book, and really the first third of it could be titled, “Ignoring Red Flags 🚩 FFS Why Would You Marry This Guy?”

(Short story: lots of childhood trauma, alcoholic parents, avoid my own problems by trying to fix others)

(Longer story: DH was a *great* Dad to his daughter when she was little and was the same for our son when he was little. He’s good with the physical work of parenting…diapers, playgrounds, catch…not so good with emotional complexity. So when we were dating and she was in middle school, he seemed like SuperDad versus his ex who was just a wreck of a person in many ways. I was very attracted to how active a parent he was…he gave her a lot of time and attention. But when she started acting out and lying and defying him he had absolutely no coping skills for it, especially because she ran to her mother when she didn’t get her way. And he was afraid of losing her then and got more permissive when what she needed was for him to do the hard work of being more firm and consistent.)

We are still married now…though many years I should have divorced him for many other reasons. Ironically, my relationship with my SD now is one of the best things to come out of our very rocky marriage! But I am and will always be very sad that she suffered through so much self destruction because her parents didn’t do the hard work of holding the line in the years they still had some leverage to do so.

Some teenagers will just naturally be rule followers. Others will push hard on every boundary. And if you don’t hold any, they will just keep pushing. Sounds like OP’s first two stepkids were the former. The youngest is the latter. She doesn’t need to go back to her mom’s. She needs a dad to be a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She tends to do a bit better at her mom’s house, which is part of why we decided to send her there. Her parents have been divorced for many years and I’ve been in her life for several, so this isn’t a brand new dynamic. She’s done therapy in the past but is currently refusing to go. We’ve also tried for years to get her a full neuropsych evaluation, but she won’t participate. She was diagnosed with ADHD by her pediatrician in elementary school, but she will not take any medication or see her psychiatrist. We’ve tried so many different approaches over the years, but she refuses to listen to or respect my husband at all, which has made things especially difficult. -OP

1. Does she have any siblings and how are they? Is she oldest, youngest or middle?
2. Why did her parents divorce and hold old was she then?
3. How is your relationship with her one-on one? How is your relationship with her mother? How is dad's relationship with the bio mom?
4. Of course she was diagnosed with ADHD; that's the first default. It means nothing. You are medicalizing a problem that is probably trauma related to her parents' divorce.
5. When did her relationship with her father nosedive, and why?

That kind of distorted thinking is why children cannot get the right medical and psychiatric. No. No trauma is going to manufacture ADHD symptoms out of thin air.

My best friend's husband kept claiming for many years that the fact their child was adopted explained all the concerns her teachers had, namely, inattention and reading problems. At 16, this child asked for an evaluation, in which it was revealed that she was dyslexic and had ADHD.

While there can be trauma from challenging childhood situations, the ADHD, learning disabilities, anxiety, depression and autism are often standalone diagnoses and exist because they have been genetically inherited.

DO NOT BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED BY DIVORCE. That's a road to disaster.

Bless your heart. Divorce messes kids up. No amount of lying to yourself about that changes the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll right?

Sadly, this is probably not a troll and why you don’t want your kids to have step parents.

It’s easy to demonize a stepmom but notice which parent cares enough to write this post? Workaholic dad is escaping into work. Stepmom is at the end of her rope. She CARES enough to ask for help here. She is clearly not the villain. Dad is the one who needs to take time off and parent his daughter. Maybe even take a demotion or forget about being on partner track.

I was this stepmom 15 years ago, powerless as I watched the train wreck before me and frustrated and pissed that my DH and his ex were basically refusing to parent. I posted here so often asking for help and advice and I was lucky to occasionally get a nugget or two of wisdom amidst all the stepmom hate. My DH and his ex were so caught up in avoiding conflict with their daughter (because they didn’t want to “lose” her to the less strict parent) tha they let her get away with SO MUCH self-destruction; it was torture to watch. And torture for my SD who was screaming, screaming (through her increasingly self-destructive actions) for someone to SET SOME LIMITS and boundaries in her life. She ended up a heroin addict, finding her habit through stripping and later worse.

I was the only one who saw the truth of what she was doing. I did get her into voluntary rehab once, but she stayed only 30 days and it didn’t stick. (Her mom came to get her, didn’t stick to any of our boundaries, and set her up on a road to death again.) She was arrested I can’t count how many times. The only thing tha finally got DH to cut her off was when her BFF oD’d and died. We told her we would pay for inpatient treatment and nothing else, no lawyers, no bail, no rent.

She is clean now, and has been for 7 years. I am closer to her than either of her parents, and she has told me more of what she went through than either of them know. I am not her mom, and I never will be, but I know my love and care helped guide her path back to life. Her parents’ enabling nearly killed her.

OP’s DH needs to be a dad.

She only posted this because she cares about her money and her peace. She does not care about the daughter.

You married a piece of shit.

I didn’t marry a piece of shit. Parenting teens is HARD WORK. Even people who put in a lot of effort and try their best screw it up.

OP’s DH seems like he cares more about being a lawyer than being a dad. My DH cared a lot about being a Dad. He just didn’t have the emotional skills himself to do it well. He was a GREAT dad by many measures…he was home every night. Cooked her dinner every night. Took her to every sporting event, every dance practice, every trip to Target or CVS. What she asked for, he gave her.

But parenting a teen well, especially a troubled one, isn’t simple. He couldn’t cope well when all of a sudden, a kid who had never been defiant, who had always done well in school, who he thought had been always honest, was lying about EVERYTHING. And really, really good at it. But was failing school. And (to me, clearly) going off the rails with drug use and really unsafe friends. I became the bad guy for a while because I was trying to get him to notice what he wouldn’t see and stop accepting her word as truth when there was ample evidence she was lying. He didn’t have ANY of that in his parenting toolset, and losing half custody of her when his ex left was traumatic enough; he was terrified of losing her if she just decided to stay with her mom because he was too strict and her mom let her get away with everything.

He wasn’t a piece of shit. He just didn’t have any strong skills for parenting a tough teen. They don’t come naturally, and the skills of a loving and attentive parent to an easy young kid don’t always translate to parenting a troubled teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll right?

Sadly, this is probably not a troll and why you don’t want your kids to have step parents.

It’s easy to demonize a stepmom but notice which parent cares enough to write this post? Workaholic dad is escaping into work. Stepmom is at the end of her rope. She CARES enough to ask for help here. She is clearly not the villain. Dad is the one who needs to take time off and parent his daughter. Maybe even take a demotion or forget about being on partner track.

I was this stepmom 15 years ago, powerless as I watched the train wreck before me and frustrated and pissed that my DH and his ex were basically refusing to parent. I posted here so often asking for help and advice and I was lucky to occasionally get a nugget or two of wisdom amidst all the stepmom hate. My DH and his ex were so caught up in avoiding conflict with their daughter (because they didn’t want to “lose” her to the less strict parent) tha they let her get away with SO MUCH self-destruction; it was torture to watch. And torture for my SD who was screaming, screaming (through her increasingly self-destructive actions) for someone to SET SOME LIMITS and boundaries in her life. She ended up a heroin addict, finding her habit through stripping and later worse.

I was the only one who saw the truth of what she was doing. I did get her into voluntary rehab once, but she stayed only 30 days and it didn’t stick. (Her mom came to get her, didn’t stick to any of our boundaries, and set her up on a road to death again.) She was arrested I can’t count how many times. The only thing tha finally got DH to cut her off was when her BFF oD’d and died. We told her we would pay for inpatient treatment and nothing else, no lawyers, no bail, no rent.

She is clean now, and has been for 7 years. I am closer to her than either of her parents, and she has told me more of what she went through than either of them know. I am not her mom, and I never will be, but I know my love and care helped guide her path back to life. Her parents’ enabling nearly killed her.

OP’s DH needs to be a dad.

She only posted this because she cares about her money and her peace. She does not care about the daughter.

You married a piece of shit.

I didn’t marry a piece of shit. Parenting teens is HARD WORK. Even people who put in a lot of effort and try their best screw it up.

OP’s DH seems like he cares more about being a lawyer than being a dad. My DH cared a lot about being a Dad. He just didn’t have the emotional skills himself to do it well. He was a GREAT dad by many measures…he was home every night. Cooked her dinner every night. Took her to every sporting event, every dance practice, every trip to Target or CVS. What she asked for, he gave her.

But parenting a teen well, especially a troubled one, isn’t simple. He couldn’t cope well when all of a sudden, a kid who had never been defiant, who had always done well in school, who he thought had been always honest, was lying about EVERYTHING. And really, really good at it. But was failing school. And (to me, clearly) going off the rails with drug use and really unsafe friends. I became the bad guy for a while because I was trying to get him to notice what he wouldn’t see and stop accepting her word as truth when there was ample evidence she was lying. He didn’t have ANY of that in his parenting toolset, and losing half custody of her when his ex left was traumatic enough; he was terrified of losing her if she just decided to stay with her mom because he was too strict and her mom let her get away with everything.

He wasn’t a piece of shit. He just didn’t have any strong skills for parenting a tough teen. They don’t come naturally, and the skills of a loving and attentive parent to an easy young kid don’t always translate to parenting a troubled teen.

This is what I hear.

He’s not a bad hockey player he just doesn’t know how to skate.

He’s not a good guy and you’re blind to it.

[Anonymous]

At this point, our main goal is protecting our home, finances, and peace. We told her she needs to stay at her mom’s now after what she did this weekend, while we regroup, and she had a massive meltdown and told her dad he must hate her.

IMO, it's all right--not great, but all right--if that is your "main goal." It is NOT okay if it's her father's. If it is, he's made it clear that "peace" is his main goal, and that means he's made it clear that he doesn't give a damn about his daughter. She knows that and it hurts.

If he's really unwilling to parent--and it sounds as if he offloaded most of his responsibility to his current wife--then you need to put her into a therapeutic boarding school. If he's big law, he can afford it. There she will be able to get therapy for his refusal to love his child more than the all mighty dollar. That may be the only thing that can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DH needs to see this as the crisis it is and step back from work hours as much as possible. What would be worse…her death or him changing jobs? She is on the road to addiction and death now. This will NOT get better on its own.

You get lots of credit from me for the parenting you have done with her older siblings. It is clear that you are an involved and caring stepmom. But you should not have had to most of your DH’s 50%. Some kids can get by with a lousy dad because they don’t have as many challenges or the have better internal external supports. But his youngest daughter will not survive these year unscathed with an absent and distant dad.

Practical things you both can do if he will actually make parenting his daughter his PRIORITY on all of his days and weekends:

1) If she won’t turn over her devices, turn off your home WiFi and cut off the data plan for the phone

2) Keys stay in a locked safe at all times.

3) Family dinner every night, no devices.

4) Dad and daughter have to do life together. He has to be the one to take her running errands. Shop with her. If he has to go into work on a weekend, she comes to the office and helps. Basically, they need to have a relationship again. That starts with the basics of existing together without devices.

5) is there anything that makes her smile? Anything she likes to do? Anything she is proud of? Anything she looks forward to? Build on her strengths and what she enjoys.

6) the biggest question your DH has to ask himself each day right now - EACH day - is “How and I going to connect with my daughter today? Where can I find chances for connection?” Could be texting her from work, sending her something funny, taking her out to dinner solo, etc.

7) give her an opportunity to earn money in some way, or help her find one. What does she do well? Build on that.

Unfortunately, I’ve talked to my husband multiple times about cutting back on work, but he’s not willing to do it. Over the last 10 years, I’ve taken on most of the parenting, and this is a new situation for us. The other kids weren’t like this, so her mom and I are trying to figure things out. His daughter needs him more than ever, but he’s so focused on work.

I’ve been encouraging him to spend time with her, and I think the suggestion of helping through work or other times is a good idea. —I’ll definitely push for that We already do family dinners and try to keep the devices off.

I’ve tried limiting her devices, but she always finds ways around it (hotspots, borrowing from friends). I can lock up the keys to the car, though, so that’s a good step. She does have things she likes and is good at, but motivation is a big issue. I’ll keep encouraging her to look into a part-time job or hobbies to get her going.

By focusing on protecting our home, finances, and peace, that includes protecting our entire family and my youngest stepdaughter, we’re just so new to this type of rebellion and not sure what else to do.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me as if the dad has undiagnosed ADHD and the step-mom has been his coping mechanism and is at the end of her rope.

DD likely has undiagnosed anxiety at a minimum along with the ADHD. It takes a lot of work to navigate the emotional upheavals of adolescence in this scenario and no one had the time or commitment to put in the work.

Self medicating with drugs is textbook and dangerous.

This was me in high school but I made it through to the other side.

I put in the work with my daughter, it was exhausting, but improved over time. I cannot tell you how many meltdowns I had to be calm through over the past 10 years and she only got the diagnosis 6 years ago when I was at my wits end and the progression over the past two years (now 17) has been amazing.

I don’t have the answer but this story breaks my heart. Don’t give up on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DH needs to see this as the crisis it is and step back from work hours as much as possible. What would be worse…her death or him changing jobs? She is on the road to addiction and death now. This will NOT get better on its own.

You get lots of credit from me for the parenting you have done with her older siblings. It is clear that you are an involved and caring stepmom. But you should not have had to most of your DH’s 50%. Some kids can get by with a lousy dad because they don’t have as many challenges or the have better internal external supports. But his youngest daughter will not survive these year unscathed with an absent and distant dad.

Practical things you both can do if he will actually make parenting his daughter his PRIORITY on all of his days and weekends:

1) If she won’t turn over her devices, turn off your home WiFi and cut off the data plan for the phone

2) Keys stay in a locked safe at all times.

3) Family dinner every night, no devices.

4) Dad and daughter have to do life together. He has to be the one to take her running errands. Shop with her. If he has to go into work on a weekend, she comes to the office and helps. Basically, they need to have a relationship again. That starts with the basics of existing together without devices.

5) is there anything that makes her smile? Anything she likes to do? Anything she is proud of? Anything she looks forward to? Build on her strengths and what she enjoys.

6) the biggest question your DH has to ask himself each day right now - EACH day - is “How and I going to connect with my daughter today? Where can I find chances for connection?” Could be texting her from work, sending her something funny, taking her out to dinner solo, etc.

7) give her an opportunity to earn money in some way, or help her find one. What does she do well? Build on that.

Unfortunately, I’ve talked to my husband multiple times about cutting back on work, but he’s not willing to do it. Over the last 10 years, I’ve taken on most of the parenting, and this is a new situation for us. The other kids weren’t like this, so her mom and I are trying to figure things out. His daughter needs him more than ever, but he’s so focused on work.

I’ve been encouraging him to spend time with her, and I think the suggestion of helping through work or other times is a good idea. —I’ll definitely push for that We already do family dinners and try to keep the devices off.

I’ve tried limiting her devices, but she always finds ways around it (hotspots, borrowing from friends). I can lock up the keys to the car, though, so that’s a good step. She does have things she likes and is good at, but motivation is a big issue. I’ll keep encouraging her to look into a part-time job or hobbies to get her going.

By focusing on protecting our home, finances, and peace, that includes protecting our entire family and my youngest stepdaughter, we’re just so new to this type of rebellion and not sure what else to do.

Why. Did. You. Marry. This. Awful. Man? FFS! She is CRYING OUT for a relationship with her father. That is why she's crashing through boundaries! That is why she is acting out! That is why she is ENDANGERING HER LIFE. If he cannot see that and change his ways, he is a terrible parent. Open your eyes to who you are dealing with! How can you have any respect for someone who is so callous to his own child?