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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your DH needs to see this as the crisis it is and step back from work hours as much as possible.  What would be worse…her death or him changing jobs?  She is on the road to addiction and death now.  This will NOT get better on its own.

You get lots of credit from me for the parenting you have done with her older siblings. It is clear that you are an involved and caring stepmom.  But you should not have had to most of your DH’s 50%.  Some kids can get by with a lousy dad because they don’t have as many challenges or the have better internal external supports.  But his youngest daughter will not survive these year unscathed with an absent and distant dad.

Practical things you both can do if he will actually make parenting his daughter his PRIORITY on all of his days and weekends:

1) If she won’t turn over her devices, turn off your home WiFi and cut off the data plan for the phone

2) Keys stay in a locked safe at all times.

3) Family dinner every night, no devices.

4) Dad and daughter have to do life together.  He has to be the one to take her running errands. Shop with her.  If he has to go into work on a weekend, she comes to the office and helps.  Basically, they need to have a relationship again.  That starts with the basics of existing together without devices.

5) is there anything that makes her smile?  Anything she likes to do?  Anything she is proud of?  Anything she looks forward to?  Build on her strengths and what she enjoys.

6) the biggest question your DH has to ask himself each day right now - EACH day - is “How and I going to connect with my daughter today? Where can I find chances for connection?”  Could be texting her from work, sending her something funny, taking her out to dinner solo, etc.

7) give her an opportunity to earn money in some way, or help her find one.  What does she do well?  Build on that.[/quote]

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