Son and DIL hate me

[Anonymous]

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she's mainly upset that I continue to have a relationship with the ex. The ex is family and that is unfair. My friend thinks the Facebook post was set to where only ex DIL can see it because no one else sees it.

Sorry but the ex isn't family and I don't believe you should have a relationship with her. Picking up and dropping off from your house is fine, but anything more is too much. You need to be on your DIL's side.

Why? That just stupid. She wants access to her grandson and being cordial with her ex-DIL is a way to that. Besides, she didn't divorce her, her son did. Stop being stupid. Current DIL needs to take the peg out of her ass and realize she married a divorced man with a child.

I think that if DIL had been dumb enough to accept this gift the next thing that would have happened is that the ex DIL would be coming to Disney Land with them to help MIL watch over her son.

After all, if MIL still considers this ex DIL to be "family" OF COURSE she would pay for ex DIL to come along, too, right? What a pleasant "vacation" that would have been...

DIL is no fool and could see that sh*t coming before it hit the fan and she said NO WAY. Team DIL.

You are an idiot. Can you really not grasp that divorced people have to manage a relationship when kids are involved? Should she side with current DIL at the expense of not being able to see her grandson. I bet you she loves her grandson more than any of these "adults" who can't manage to take their heads out of their asses for five minutes and appreciate a very generous gift. Of all things to be offended about! Good lord. Yeah DIL is SUPER WISE!~

The MIL is not a divorced person needing to maintain a relationship. It is her son who is divorced and needs to maintain a relationship with his ex-wife. The MIL has given absolutely no indication that she needs to maintain a relationship with her dons ex- wife or else risk losing access to her grandchild. For goodness sake, she thinks she's close enough to her son and DIL to arrange a trip to Disneyland as a fun family trip. If the DIL is correct in telling us that her son knew she was coming on the trip and decided against informing his wife, that's totally on him. The DIL was right to be very pissed at being tricked into cavatio until with her MIL, but took out her anger on the wrong person, her MIL. Perhaps her husband told her that his mom had also just surprised him by telling him she was planning on joining the trip. It's very generous to gift someone such a great family trip, but adults in a nuclear family need to agree on vacation and DIL in this case was clearly blindsided. The 6-month time out is geakish and weird, it I understand DIs a gray. Hopefully all will resolve soon if the family members can talk things through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

And you know this from what? Her offering to pay for a vacation they all enjoy. Wow, no wonder there are so many bad DIL-MIL relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

I'm guessing you would also be the first one to complain about grandparents not wanting to see the grandkids enough. I'm not a MIL, but this thread just proves that you can't win no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

Yeah, you can bet there was a pretty significant history of boundary pushing. Anyone with half a brain would know better than to "Surprise!" people like that in a situation like this.

If DIL hadn't stood her ground she would have become ex wife #2 after that fiasco of a vacation.

I'm sorry, I do not see how Op could have possibly thought that this would have gone over well. She overstepped BIG TIME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

I'm guessing you would also be the first one to complain about grandparents not wanting to see the grandkids enough. I'm not a MIL, but this thread just proves that you can't win no matter what.

Baloney. This was not about MIL getting time in with the grandkids, this was about MIL meddling and attempting to force to exes and a new DIL to vacation together. That is no vacation.

Do you want to vacation with someone you don't like? I sure don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

I'm guessing you would also be the first one to complain about grandparents not wanting to see the grandkids enough. I'm not a MIL, but this thread just proves that you can't win no matter what.

Baloney. This was not about MIL getting time in with the grandkids, this was about MIL meddling and attempting to force to exes and a new DIL to vacation together. That is no vacation.

Do you want to vacation with someone you don't like? I sure don't.

Then I guess they should have said "thanks mom, but we will do something else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

I'm guessing you would also be the first one to complain about grandparents not wanting to see the grandkids enough. I'm not a MIL, but this thread just proves that you can't win no matter what.

Baloney. This was not about MIL getting time in with the grandkids, this was about MIL meddling and attempting to force to exes and a new DIL to vacation together. That is no vacation.

Do you want to vacation with someone you don't like? I sure don't.

Then I guess they should have said "thanks mom, but we will do something else."

I imagine the DIL would have said as much if she had the opportunity to do so.

[Anonymous]

We can afford to pay for our own vacations. And I would be pissed if my MIL surprised me with a trip in which she was coming along because she's an unpleasant, overbearing person. So maybe there's that to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Such a toxic environment. Poor kids.

Cancel the trip. It won't do anyone any good. I know I'd rather skip Disney than go with a crazy MIL.

I'm guessing that MIL had a little hand in her son's divorce #1.

Op, you are too involved in your son's romantic life and you will drive any decent woman away from him. Is that what you want? If so, you may consider talking this out with a therapist because this whole dynamic is not healthy.

Exactly. Why is MIL's house the court-ordered meeting place for DH's child with ex-wife? MIL should have no place in that relationship, except for grandmother to grandson.

DIL could have been more gracious in declining the trip for the family for sure, but based on DH's past history in allowing MIL to have a place in his relationship with ex, DIL probably felt the need to take extreme measures in enforcing a cut-off.

I'm guessing you would also be the first one to complain about grandparents not wanting to see the grandkids enough. I'm not a MIL, but this thread just proves that you can't win no matter what.

Baloney. This was not about MIL getting time in with the grandkids, this was about MIL meddling and attempting to force to exes and a new DIL to vacation together. That is no vacation.

Do you want to vacation with someone you don't like? I sure don't.

Then I guess they should have said "thanks mom, but we will do something else."

Lol. I think that DIL pretty much did say that didn't she? She had to be pretty darned stern and VERY crystal clear...maybe a little too stern. But, hey, MIL now knows, right?

[Anonymous]

Who on earth wants to vacation with their ex spouse who they barely speak to anyway? And who on earth wants to vacation with their spouse's ex and a MIL who would push something like that?

Answer: NO ONE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she's mainly upset that I continue to have a relationship with the ex. The ex is family and that is unfair. My friend thinks the Facebook post was set to where only ex DIL can see it because no one else sees it.

That's not how facebook works.

That's not how any of this works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

And you know why he's got a problem?

It's because you are overbearing and his wife isn't a doormat.

STEP BACK.

Why is it overbearing to want to go on a trip you're paying for? I discussed in advance with my son. He agreed. I'm the problem here?

You are not the problem. Your DIL is an ass. My ILs pay for vacations too. Never did it occur to me that they would not be coming.

Seriously, if only my ILs would pay for a Disney trip. They have never given my kids anything above a $25 gift card (and yes they can afford it). I can't stand my ILs, but in this circumstance would happily go on a trip with them for the sake of my kids.