Son and DIL hate me

[Anonymous]

For Christmas, I bought my 3 grandkids tickets to Disneyland. I also got myself tickets as well as my son and his wife.

I got an email from DIL saying that my present was a major boundary stomp. She said inviting myself along was giving a present with a string attached. She said her and my son were upset and I shouldn't talk to them for at least 6 months.

She's also telling people that my "shrink" told her I have some personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Did you discuss this before you gave them the gift?

I'm not anti MIL, but this seems like a huge boundaries issue. You should have discussed the trip with them beforehand. She probably now has 3 kids begging to go, but she doesn't yet have hotels, airfare or time to take off of work yet. Most of my friends tell their kids a week before a Disney trip so that the kids don't nag for too long beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Your psychiatrist is talking to your DIL about your treatment/prognosis? That seems bizarre.

Of course no one can tell you if DIL is being a b or being reasonable because its all about context and history. Did you buy them tickets to something they need to purchase plane tickets to get to? Have you tried to insert yourself in vacations in the past and had them speak with you about it?

In isolation it sounds a bit like DIL is overreacting but its all about history in these situations

[Anonymous]

Did you ask them first? If my MIL bought us vacation tickets without consulting us first I wouldn't like it either.

[Anonymous]

Did you discuss these travel arrangements with your son and DIL before paying for anything? Did they agree to a joint trip with you?

Is this the first time something like this has happened, or do you think your DIL feels this is part of an onling problem and that is why she responded in such an aggressive way?

As for last thing, are you sure it's DIL that's spreading rumors? Whoever it is, it's horrible.

[Anonymous]

This sounds really trolly to me. And it's not well written, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you discuss this before you gave them the gift?

I'm not anti MIL, but this seems like a huge boundaries issue. You should have discussed the trip with them beforehand. She probably now has 3 kids begging to go, but she doesn't yet have hotels, airfare or time to take off of work yet. Most of my friends tell their kids a week before a Disney trip so that the kids don't nag for too long beforehand.

I did discuss the present. I was paying for everything. They didn't realize I was coming along too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask them first? If my MIL bought us vacation tickets without consulting us first I wouldn't like it either.

+1 . Especially if we both work, have limited time off etc. It sounds like it's the lack of consultation rather than the gift itself that's the problem, OP? If so, apologize, try to see it from her perspective, and ask her, sincerely and calmly, how she would like to work this out.

[Anonymous]

Most people only get 2 weeks vacation a year. I wouldn't like to have my rare vacation time dictated to me. I would love to go to DisneyWORLD (not Disneyland) but I plan it when I want to go.

[Anonymous]

If you had not discussed the trip - and the fact that you are also going - beforehand, you crossed the line. At the same time, DIL's comment about them not speaking to you for 6 months seems over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your psychiatrist is talking to your DIL about your treatment/prognosis? That seems bizarre.

Of course no one can tell you if DIL is being a b or being reasonable because its all about context and history. Did you buy them tickets to something they need to purchase plane tickets to get to? Have you tried to insert yourself in vacations in the past and had them speak with you about it?

In isolation it sounds a bit like DIL is overreacting but its all about history in these situations

I don't even have a psychiatrist. I know for sure my DIL said it was my son's ex wife sent me a screenshot of where she had posted it to Facebook!

[Anonymous]

Is there more of a history here? It's an incredibly generous gift. If my mom did that I would be forever grateful. To me the real problem is not clearing it with them first. I know for us, we have so much scheduled that we would have to work out. And they may have limited vacation time that has already been dedicated to another trip. I think the gift is amazing, but it's a big enough gift that it really should have been worked out with them first. I'm also assuming that other things have happened to make this blow up so quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you discuss this before you gave them the gift?

I'm not anti MIL, but this seems like a huge boundaries issue. You should have discussed the trip with them beforehand. She probably now has 3 kids begging to go, but she doesn't yet have hotels, airfare or time to take off of work yet. Most of my friends tell their kids a week before a Disney trip so that the kids don't nag for too long beforehand.

I did discuss the present. I was paying for everything. They didn't realize I was coming along too.

OK then there's something else going on. Do you normally go on vacations with them? Are you physically able? My parents and I vacation a lot, but they physically can't do vacations at the pace my family likes (aka running through parks).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your psychiatrist is talking to your DIL about your treatment/prognosis? That seems bizarre.

Of course no one can tell you if DIL is being a b or being reasonable because its all about context and history. Did you buy them tickets to something they need to purchase plane tickets to get to? Have you tried to insert yourself in vacations in the past and had them speak with you about it?

In isolation it sounds a bit like DIL is overreacting but its all about history in these situations

I don't even have a psychiatrist. I know for sure my DIL said it was my son's ex wife sent me a screenshot of where she had posted it to Facebook!

Why are you in contact with your son's ex wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your psychiatrist is talking to your DIL about your treatment/prognosis? That seems bizarre.

Of course no one can tell you if DIL is being a b or being reasonable because its all about context and history. Did you buy them tickets to something they need to purchase plane tickets to get to? Have you tried to insert yourself in vacations in the past and had them speak with you about it?

In isolation it sounds a bit like DIL is overreacting but its all about history in these situations

I don't even have a psychiatrist. I know for sure my DIL said it was my son's ex wife sent me a screenshot of where she had posted it to Facebook!

Do you are stalking your current DIL through your ex-DIL?