Son and DIL hate me

[Anonymous]

My MIL gave us Disney tickets which I didn't like because if I go on a vacation, I'd like to have a say about when and where. I don't even like Disney. It felt more like a coerced visit than a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave us Disney tickets which I didn't like because if I go on a vacation, I'd like to have a say about when and where. I don't even like Disney. It felt more like a coerced visit than a gift.

Yeah, it's like when people give gifts but demand that you pick them up from their house. In this case, MIL gave the family gift because it was what she wanted - to travel with them. How about give them something they actually want.

[Anonymous]

Your son and DIL are selfish, inconsiderate, greedy people. Sorry.

I don't have a good relationship with my MIL but if she gave us that I would ASK HER TO COME with us! Just for thanking her, for being so nice to think about OUR kids, knowing most probably we won't be able to afford the trip if we had to pay out of our pockets!

If I was you, I would take it back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

And you know why he's got a problem?

It's because you are overbearing and his wife isn't a doormat.

STEP BACK.

Why is it overbearing to want to go on a trip you're paying for? I discussed in advance with my son. He agreed. I'm the problem here?

Yes, because you're not considering that his wife has an equal voice which may be different than your son's. If he can't even tell her these essentials until the last minute, then clearly he's too much under your thumb and thus, you probably have an overbearing personality.

Next time, you talk to the wife first, as an acknowledgment that usually women are the schedulers and planners in the couple (not always, but looks like it here), and as a gesture of peace. Then you double check with your son to see if it's alright with him too. Don't say anything one that you wouldn't say to the other. Treat them as equal partners.

Don't put all the blame on MIL.

It is highly possible since he is on wife #2, that son A) is a sucky husband and communicator and B) he does a very poor job selecting his wives.

My guess is that it is a combo of the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL sounds like a pill. We would love if grandparents came on a trip like that. Wish we had a grandma like you.

This!!!!

Agree with pp to give dil a gift card to amazon next time. She should in no way give you a time out. That's ridiculous. Also, of course you are in contact with ex DIL as you want a relationship with your other grandchild. Ignore the haters on here as well op. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave us Disney tickets which I didn't like because if I go on a vacation, I'd like to have a say about when and where. I don't even like Disney. It felt more like a coerced visit than a gift.

You are incredibly selfish and grateful. You can coordinate vacations with MIL, you know? And it is an extra free vacation. You can even talk to her about her taking the kids on her own. MILs are people too, who have best of intentions, and yet somehow nothing they do is right. If you just bothered to cultivate cordial relationship, you would realize that most people don't do things out of spite. MILs are moms, just like you are, and you should try to think that one day you might be in the same position, where you would like to see your kids and grand kids, who might hate your guts for no reason other than being selfish brats like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL sounds like a pill. We would love if grandparents came on a trip like that. Wish we had a grandma like you.

This!!!!

Agree with pp to give dil a gift card to amazon next time. She should in no way give you a time out. That's ridiculous. Also, of course you are in contact with ex DIL as you want a relationship with your other grandchild. Ignore the haters on here as well op. You did nothing wrong.

+1. Who to these people think they are?And that MIL is what? A toddler to be given a time out? OP, you are a great person, I am sorry that your son and DIL hurt your feelings so much. My DH spend three days on our vacation fixing his Dad's electrical and putting nicer things in his house. FIL gave us cash gift and used it for extra ski day. None of this was talked over and it was not you give, we give, we didn't expect a gift, FIL didn't demand any work, but that is how things between kids and parents work out, especially when both parties are mature and reasonable adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For Christmas, I bought my 3 grandkids tickets to Disneyland. I also got myself tickets as well as my son and his wife.

I got an email from DIL saying that my present was a major boundary stomp. She said inviting myself along was giving a present with a string attached. She said her and my son were upset and I shouldn't talk to them for at least 6 months.

She's also telling people that my "shrink" told her I have some personality disorder.

My guess is you got this story straight from the Babycenter DWIL board

The terms used and the wording reads exactly like many posts there. In fact, this story sounds lightly familiar.

I admit that babycenter board is one of my favorite hate reads so I am familiar with it.

Lots of crazy MIL and plenty of young 20 something drama mammas. They feed off each other and the actively encourage each other to do things like send cut off letters with dramatic declarations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If DIL is so upset with MIL/you going, don't go. Get your room/flight refunded as much as possible. Bow out gracefully.

I bet there will be another trip where you will be invited to go if you handle this misunderstanding correctly.

Next time you should make plans directly with DIL.

JMHO.

Why should she be graceful, while paying the whole trip? While selfish brats are getting a free incredible trip. Thank you, we'd love to go, would have been a perfect answer. I can not see what OP did wrong at all. My FIL often paid for trips, everybody knew it was because he wanted to spend time with his kids and grand kids, and we all gave him all the credit he deserved.

Because creating a positive long term relationship with DIL is more important that $ or going on the trip. Being gracious is never the wrong choice.

[Anonymous]

This is a strange post, OP is clearly not a reliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange post, OP is clearly not a reliable narrator.

+100

[Anonymous]

It's your son's fault, he should have talked to his wife in advance before you bought the tickets. I won't comment on the fb stuff, it's too confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave us Disney tickets which I didn't like because if I go on a vacation, I'd like to have a say about when and where. I don't even like Disney. It felt more like a coerced visit than a gift.

You are incredibly selfish and grateful. You can coordinate vacations with MIL, you know? And it is an extra free vacation. You can even talk to her about her taking the kids on her own. MILs are people too, who have best of intentions, and yet somehow nothing they do is right. If you just bothered to cultivate cordial relationship, you would realize that most people don't do things out of spite. MILs are moms, just like you are, and you should try to think that one day you might be in the same position, where you would like to see your kids and grand kids, who might hate your guts for no reason other than being selfish brats like you.

extra free vacation? where are those vacation days coming from? did MIL negotiate with employer for extra days off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

Huh?? Now you sound like a troll, for sure. Gimme a break.

NP here. Stop calling troll. The adult son is a wimp who didn't tell his wife something he feared she might not like and then expected her to suck it up when he sprung it on her. HE is responsible for its being a surprise, not MIL, because MIL thought DIL knew the whole deal. The mess is son's fault for not being able to talk to his wife, who sounds like a drama queen if she really said for MIL not to contact them for six months just because MIL gave her family a huge, expensive gift.

MIL did consult. MIL did tell son in advance that she would come as well. That is not crossing boundaries because son did not tell her that at the time but said yes to the gift he knew was coming, but didn't say when they initially discussed it, "Don't come, mom. Boundaries!" All the boundaries talk on here, when you know the details about how MIL was up front from the start with son, is silly. It's son who wasn't up front with his wife. Maybe MIL knows that if she talks directly to DIL about these things -- even something as good as this gift -- she'll get blasted as somehow in the wrong.

MIL told son and assumed he would fill in his wife on the details. He didn't. Maybe MIL shouldn't have made that assumption, sure, but apparently she was giving their ENTIRE family a huge, expensive gift and was clear with son that she would come as well, and he is too big a wuss to tell his wife the whole deal, and wife is too big a drama queen to say thank you and deal so the kids can enjoy themselves.

The stuff about the ex-DIL and MIL's relationship with her is not relevant. MIL didn't say she is best buddies with her ex-DIL. She's been clear that her house is the drop-off point for her grandson and she must see ex-DIL there when the boy gets picked up. What's MIL supposed to do, be a cold witch to ex-DIL whenever there's a pickup and they cross paths? What good would that do anyone, especially the grandson?

Before the usual DCUM snark starts up, no, I am not MIL posting again. I'm just seeing such mean-spirited posts assuming that MIL is obviously in the wrong, no matter what additional details she tries to provide, because there's always so much hate for all MILs on DCUM. And no, I'm not an MIL at all myself. I'm a DIL who knows when to act civilized and accept a gift like a grown-up.

So the idea is that MIL asked DS because she knew that DIL would in no way want to take a week-long trip with her? How is that in any way acceptable behavior? MIL, DIL doesn't like you and doesn't want to take a trip with you. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave us Disney tickets which I didn't like because if I go on a vacation, I'd like to have a say about when and where. I don't even like Disney. It felt more like a coerced visit than a gift.

You are incredibly selfish and grateful. You can coordinate vacations with MIL, you know? And it is an extra free vacation. You can even talk to her about her taking the kids on her own. MILs are people too, who have best of intentions, and yet somehow nothing they do is right. If you just bothered to cultivate cordial relationship, you would realize that most people don't do things out of spite. MILs are moms, just like you are, and you should try to think that one day you might be in the same position, where you would like to see your kids and grand kids, who might hate your guts for no reason other than being selfish brats like you.

extra free vacation? where are those vacation days coming from? did MIL negotiate with employer for extra days off?

If this is not a troll, MIL obviously negotiated everything with her son. Son is incapable of communicating properly with his wife or mother. It seems to me that adult son has some difficulties in either being a responsible adult and if true, his rant at his mom is totally self absorbed and selfish behavior.