Son and DIL hate me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

Huh?? Now you sound like a troll, for sure. Gimme a break.

NP here. Stop calling troll. The adult son is a wimp who didn't tell his wife something he feared she might not like and then expected her to suck it up when he sprung it on her. HE is responsible for its being a surprise, not MIL, because MIL thought DIL knew the whole deal. The mess is son's fault for not being able to talk to his wife, who sounds like a drama queen if she really said for MIL not to contact them for six months just because MIL gave her family a huge, expensive gift.

MIL did consult. MIL did tell son in advance that she would come as well. That is not crossing boundaries because son did not tell her that at the time but said yes to the gift he knew was coming, but didn't say when they initially discussed it, "Don't come, mom. Boundaries!" All the boundaries talk on here, when you know the details about how MIL was up front from the start with son, is silly. It's son who wasn't up front with his wife. Maybe MIL knows that if she talks directly to DIL about these things -- even something as good as this gift -- she'll get blasted as somehow in the wrong.

MIL told son and assumed he would fill in his wife on the details. He didn't. Maybe MIL shouldn't have made that assumption, sure, but apparently she was giving their ENTIRE family a huge, expensive gift and was clear with son that she would come as well, and he is too big a wuss to tell his wife the whole deal, and wife is too big a drama queen to say thank you and deal so the kids can enjoy themselves.

The stuff about the ex-DIL and MIL's relationship with her is not relevant. MIL didn't say she is best buddies with her ex-DIL. She's been clear that her house is the drop-off point for her grandson and she must see ex-DIL there when the boy gets picked up. What's MIL supposed to do, be a cold witch to ex-DIL whenever there's a pickup and they cross paths? What good would that do anyone, especially the grandson?

Before the usual DCUM snark starts up, no, I am not MIL posting again. I'm just seeing such mean-spirited posts assuming that MIL is obviously in the wrong, no matter what additional details she tries to provide, because there's always so much hate for all MILs on DCUM. And no, I'm not an MIL at all myself. I'm a DIL who knows when to act civilized and accept a gift like a grown-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason I think this is a troll is because of the 6 month moratorium. Also, the confusion over whether or not she's really in touch with your shrink, or if you are accusing her of lying and spreading rumors. That actually makes you sound like you do have a significant personality disorder. What "people" is she telling about your disorder?

No, I know someone else that did this (also a DIL to MIL). I think this must be currently trending advice on some sort of advice forum. In the case that I know of, I thought the DIL was 100% in the wrong (I'm personally a DIL with huge MIL issues, so I don't normally just flock to the MIL side on these things).

Yea, it's standard practice over on babycenter's DWIL forum (Dealing With In-Laws). Made me wonder if this was a troll post from someone familiar with that forum.

[Anonymous]

.
Yup. It sounds like your son is the problem. It is clear that you need to maintain a relationship with your ex-DIL since the court order has made your home the meeting place for your son's oldest child. Your son needs to clear up the Disney misunderstanding with his current wife. Were you going on the trip because your oldest grandson needs supervised visits?

Regarding your husband's current wife, she sounds like a witch. Like a PP said, extreme MIL bashing and monthly bans are trending in certain advice forums these days.

[Anonymous]

So you want us to believe that your sons relationship with ex-DIL is so bad they have a court ordered transfer of custody arrangement at your house but also that current DIL and ex-DIL are Facebook friends? And current DIL posted something only ex-DIL can see about cutting you off?

Yea, not so much. Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't apologize. Withdraw the gift and wait. You DIL has read too much from entitled DCUMers who look gift horses in the mouth.

She will change her tune when she realizes you won't be walked upon.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want us to believe that your sons relationship with ex-DIL is so bad they have a court ordered transfer of custody arrangement at your house but also that current DIL and ex-DIL are Facebook friends? And current DIL posted something only ex-DIL can see about cutting you off?

Yea, not so much. Troll.

The pick up arrangement is because I babysit after school.

[Anonymous]

If DIL is so upset with MIL/you going, don't go. Get your room/flight refunded as much as possible. Bow out gracefully.

I bet there will be another trip where you will be invited to go if you handle this misunderstanding correctly.

Next time you should make plans directly with DIL.

JMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you want us to believe that your sons relationship with ex-DIL is so bad they have a court ordered transfer of custody arrangement at your house but also that current DIL and ex-DIL are Facebook friends? And current DIL posted something only ex-DIL can see about cutting you off?

Yea, not so much. Troll.

The pick up arrangement is because I babysit after school.[/quote

Not for long.

[Anonymous]

The MIL-bashing on DCUM is out of control. I have a DS and these posts are terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The MIL-bashing on DCUM is out of control. I have a DS and these posts are terrifying.

I agree. People look for anything and everything to be offended or mad over with their MIL's. I've never seen so many rude and offensive people in one place. I can't understand the thought process of you marrying the man and immediately elevating yourself to Queen Over Every Single Person In His Life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but do most of you all not travel with your parents? We love taking vacations with my family (can't get DH's family to go anywhere). They help with the kids and we get date nights during our vacation.

We did a joint vacation once, against my better judgement. The result was I didn't speak to my mother for 5 months. Lesson learned. I'll never vacation with family again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you want us to believe that your sons relationship with ex-DIL is so bad they have a court ordered transfer of custody arrangement at your house but also that current DIL and ex-DIL are Facebook friends? And current DIL posted something only ex-DIL can see about cutting you off?

Yea, not so much. Troll.

The pick up arrangement is because I babysit after school.[/quote

Not for long.

It's not my DS who has my grandson through the week. He picks him up from my house every other Friday. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Your DIL and son are horrible people. So, present would be perfectly ok if you didn't go? How can they be so clueless that you are paying because you want to spend time with them and grand kids? Selfish brats, probably millennials. You talked about it before, I am sorry to say but both your son and DIL are terrible, selfish people. Unless you are a troll, in which case go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DIL is so upset with MIL/you going, don't go. Get your room/flight refunded as much as possible. Bow out gracefully.

I bet there will be another trip where you will be invited to go if you handle this misunderstanding correctly.

Next time you should make plans directly with DIL.

JMHO.

Why should she be graceful, while paying the whole trip? While selfish brats are getting a free incredible trip. Thank you, we'd love to go, would have been a perfect answer. I can not see what OP did wrong at all. My FIL often paid for trips, everybody knew it was because he wanted to spend time with his kids and grand kids, and we all gave him all the credit he deserved.

[Anonymous]

I think a big part of the issue here is that it seems evident that the mother is close with her sons ex-wife. It appears that she babysits for his ex-wife during the week, and for whatever reason his ex-wife feels free to share Facebook images with his mom. I don't know why she would think her sons current wife would want to vacation with her. Of course it is her son's fault for not telling his wife that his mom would be going on vacation with them. And he should deal with it. But I cannot imagine being surprised to find out unexpectedly that A trip I had incorrectly been told was for our nuclear family was actually a trip with a mother-in-law who is someone I do not like or get along with.