Son and DIL hate me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

And you know why he's got a problem?

It's because you are overbearing and his wife isn't a doormat.

STEP BACK.

Why is it overbearing to want to go on a trip you're paying for? I discussed in advance with my son. He agreed. I'm the problem here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

If that is the case, why is your title that both son and DIL hate you? You aren't making very much sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

And you know why he's got a problem?

It's because you are overbearing and his wife isn't a doormat.

STEP BACK.

Why is it overbearing to want to go on a trip you're paying for? I discussed in advance with my son. He agreed. I'm the problem here?

Yes, because you're not considering that his wife has an equal voice which may be different than your son's. If he can't even tell her these essentials until the last minute, then clearly he's too much under your thumb and thus, you probably have an overbearing personality.

Next time, you talk to the wife first, as an acknowledgment that usually women are the schedulers and planners in the couple (not always, but looks like it here), and as a gesture of peace. Then you double check with your son to see if it's alright with him too. Don't say anything one that you wouldn't say to the other. Treat them as equal partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

If that is the case, why is your title that both son and DIL hate you? You aren't making very much sense.

My son called AFTER I posted.

[Anonymous]

PP again - just read your update. It does sound as if your son has issues too! I'm bowing out of this conversation, you both sound too messed up

[Anonymous]

What is UP with all these husbands not being able to talk to their moms?? I married one and still can't understand it.

[Anonymous]

It does sound like your son has issues communicating with the women in his life.

It ALSO sounds like you have some work to do with DIL since you have described a relationship where you are picking ex DIL over current DIL and spying on current DIL's facebook page and she is somehow friends with the ex but NOT with you? That is a whole helluva lot of boundary-less dysfunction. I imagine if you had a better relationship with DIL generally maybe this wouldn't have been an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she's mainly upset that I continue to have a relationship with the ex. The ex is family and that is unfair. My friend thinks the Facebook post was set to where only ex DIL can see it because no one else sees it.

That's not how facebook works.

what? It can work that way.

Then it would be a private message, not a post on DIL's page.

No. You're not a very experienced FB user, are you?

PM's and posts are two different things. If you are on FB, you can select Messages to send PM's. If you are doing this on a cell phone, chances are you'll be forced to use Messenger, but it's still a message. Messages can only be read through the Message's option on FB or through Messenger on your phone.

Alternatively, you can post on your wall or someone else's wall (assuming that person allows you to post on their wall) and set the audience for the post. You can select a predetermined audience (Public, Friends list, any other defined groups you have) or you can choose "Custom". If you choose custom, then you can define the list which can be a list of individuals that are not in a predefined group, or even one individual. But this will still be a post and will be on the person's wall which will be in their timeline. It is separate from the message function.

Sorry, missing word.

I've had a facebook account since about 2008, but you're right, I don't use it very much and I don't use all the features. I apologize for my error.

[Anonymous]

Don't apologize. Withdraw the gift and wait. You DIL has read too much from entitled DCUMers who look gift horses in the mouth.

She will change her tune when she realizes you won't be walked upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she's mainly upset that I continue to have a relationship with the ex. The ex is family and that is unfair. My friend thinks the Facebook post was set to where only ex DIL can see it because no one else sees it.

Sorry but the ex isn't family and I don't believe you should have a relationship with her. Picking up and dropping off from your house is fine, but anything more is too much. You need to be on your DIL's side.

The ex is her grandson's mother. She should certainly have a relationship if she feels friendly with her ex DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she's mainly upset that I continue to have a relationship with the ex. The ex is family and that is unfair. My friend thinks the Facebook post was set to where only ex DIL can see it because no one else sees it.

Sorry but the ex isn't family and I don't believe you should have a relationship with her. Picking up and dropping off from your house is fine, but anything more is too much. You need to be on your DIL's side.

The ex is her grandson's mother. She should certainly have a relationship if she feels friendly with her ex DIL.

Sure, but she shouldn't have a relationship with the ex that is damaging to her relationship with her son and his new wife. And she should not be gossiping with the ex about the new DIL by stalking her facebook together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't apologize. Withdraw the gift and wait. You DIL has read too much from entitled DCUMers who look gift horses in the mouth.

She will change her tune when she realizes you won't be walked upon.

More likely she will change her tune when MIL learns how to respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.

Is this OP?

Yes. Apparently, my son forgot to book their family vacation and was trying to use this as a way to smooth things over with DIL. He was just going to spring me on her assuming she wouldn't say anything. Im certainly disappointed.

Huh?? Now you sound like a troll, for sure. Gimme a break.