Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

History of losses here- I had trouble telling people in person so I did try to casually slip it in with friends and told friends to spread the word because I couldn't. My VERY best friend learned through a text message because I thought I'd cry if I told her in person and I kept putting it off. I think she was upset, but best friends don't hold that against you and she rolled with it. We sent onesies to our parents in the mail and that made it easier to tell them long distance without having to do it in person. I did tell at 24 weeks with the first pregnancy, which was 6 months like OP's brother. I was barely showing and it was still so new. A LOT of people don't tell until 20 weeks after the anatomy scan, which is 5 months.

Facebook actually helped me the most. Once our parents, siblings and best friends finally knew I just posted on facebook and then it was out in the open. I just HATED telling people about the pregnancy, but loved being pregnant and loved the baby. I didn't mind people knowing about the pregnnacy, I just hated telling people. With the 2nd pregnancy I had trouble telling about the pregnancy again.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, you will get to have lots of fun with this child if you get yourself under control. I hate baby showers and didn’t want a ton of fuss and talk around my pregnancy. It had nothing to do with how much I loved my family. If you often take other people’s choices as a personal slight against you, you have your answer for why your brother and SIL didn’t care to share with you too soon. Respect their choices and remember that this is not about you, not about you, not about you...

[Anonymous]

I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

[Anonymous]

If you are the type of person who would tell someone else's PARENTS about their pregnancy without checking with them first, then do not remotely wonder why you are not in your BIL/SIL's "inner circle." You are awful for that, OP.

Inexcusable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

But why can't you ask if she knows first or when they are planning to tell her? Maybe they had a plan to tell them is a cute way post-scan/time or something that you ruined? You might have stolen a planned moment. Have you thought about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've never lost a baby have you OP? It seems your brother and sil aren't so lucky. Have some compassion.

And I dont let people visit my babies until we've been home 2 weeks! That is my bonding time.

You sound weak. I hosted 30 relatives when my son was 5 days old. Granted it was just take out -but still

You sound like someone who doesnt enjoy your children. I am capable of doing many things right after birthing children. I just place my time with my newborn as a higher priority than entertaining others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've never lost a baby have you OP? It seems your brother and sil aren't so lucky. Have some compassion.

And I dont let people visit my babies until we've been home 2 weeks! That is my bonding time.

You sound weak. I hosted 30 relatives when my son was 5 days old. Granted it was just take out -but still

You sound like someone who doesnt enjoy your children. I am capable of doing many things right after birthing children. I just place my time with my newborn as a higher priority than entertaining others.

+1. I can--and do--host 20+ family and friends in my home regularly, sometimes take-out but mostly homemade. But that doesn't mean I'm going to do it when my baby is 5 days old. Not because I couldn't, but because I WOULDN'T. No way is anything but my baby a priority 5 days after birth unless there are some really compelling, emergent circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are the type of person who would tell someone else's PARENTS about their pregnancy without checking with them first, then do not remotely wonder why you are not in your BIL/SIL's "inner circle." You are awful for that, OP.

Inexcusable.

NP +1

History of losses here, early ones but apparently I’m at especially high risk of loss at the end of the pregnancy.

We don’t tell ANYONE until at least after anatomy scan. We tend to stick to ourselves so that works for us.

Family don’t find out until the birth. We aren’t close with them, they’re stressful in different ways and with my health issues I really don’t need more stress while pregnant.

Nobody is welcome to visit in the hospital. My births are a big ongoing medical production with a ton of interventions and I’m a total mess. Visitors are literally the last thing on my mind.

After the stunt you pulled OP, you should consider yourself very lucky if you get to meet the child at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are the type of person who would tell someone else's PARENTS about their pregnancy without checking with them first, then do not remotely wonder why you are not in your BIL/SIL's "inner circle." You are awful for that, OP.

Inexcusable.

NP +1

Awful thing to do, OP. Believe it or not, there’s a whole world out there and you’re not the center of it.

[Anonymous]

Mind your own business and let them mind theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

Same here. This is not at all OP's news or business to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

[Anonymous]

And that's the attitude that results in people not sharing things with you.

My family is so darn gossipy and dsyfunctional that I assume every word that comes out of my mouth, or any observations about my appearance make the rounds immediately.

Which is why I didn't tell them when we were trying to get pregnant.