Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

[Anonymous]

Op, you’re the reason why I don’t tell certain family members till I can’t hide it anymore. Everything all about you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

Then the appropriate thing would have been to say - Brother, does Mom know? If not, please call her because it will hurt her to not know.

There is some reason OP's brother waited so long to share this news. It could be any number of things but I can assure you OP didn't help the situation by not allowing her brother to share the news himself with their Mom/Parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

Agree. It's not like the brother said it was a secret, don't tell anyone. He casually mentioned the pregnancy in response to a BBQ invite. In op's shoes, I could easily see assuming our parents already knew.

[Anonymous]

My own brother and his wife are like this. We found out about her pregnancy at 4 months. She did not want a baby shower either. We found out the baby was born when he was 3 days old.

We respected their privacy but don't understand the distance. We met the baby when he was 4 weeks old. We were delayed because of an extended cruise the family took. They seemed kind of miffed we did not back with them right away about seeing the baby.

They want to call all the shots when it comes to seeing them and their child and we respect that. On the other hand I don't get why they seem offended when we don't reach out to them or ask to see their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a late loss (21 weeks) and it was a terrible and private battle. This made me scared to announce my next pregnancy until a viability age of about 26 weeks. My in laws were so so so mean and rude about it. I had to then explain my first loss and then they were mad they didn't know about that baby!!!!!! It did serious damage to the relationship. Tres lightmy here. The not wanting a shower, the late announcement, the no registry, these all scream "sensitive situation" to me. You never know what their last has held.

If you hadn’t told them after first trimester, and they hadn’t been informed of the terrible loss, I can see why they were hurt. Hurt by the late notice of pregnancy #2 and no notice of pregnancy #1.

If you and DH had an otherwise normal relationship with them, it would have come as a big shock—as has this news for the OP. You can’t expect folks to understand and make allowances for what they don’t know about.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s weird at all for them to not have visitors the first week. A lot of people take that as bonding time.

Not sure why they didn’t tell you earlier, seems a little weird, but it’s their news to share how they see fit and you will only damage your relationship by trying to overly involve yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am an introvert. I did not want a baby shower. I do not want a lot of fuss over me. I do not want lots of questions asked of me, and I do not want people touching my body.

After giving birth I wanted time to physically recover and time to bond with my new family, settle into the new family dynamic, solidify nursing, etc. I also asked in-laws to wait a week before visiting. It was not to be a bitch. It was to have what would make me most comfortable during a very vulnerable time in my life. That's all.

I hope my explaining how I felt, helps you understand the possible mindset your brother and SIL have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making something not about you sooo about you. Do you tend to do that? Your answer may be somewhere in there.

+1

Now is not the time to start caring about how the family is included. This is your broker and his wife? She’s having a baby? You just congratulate them, be low-key supportive and play along with whatever her requests are. I can promise you sil gives 0 cares about how you’re feeling right now.

[Anonymous]

they aren’t planning on having any family see the baby until they’ve been home for a week, which I understand but it also seems a little extreme

Not extreme
And "no involvement". That is not true
You are being overdramatic Op. Yes it may be unusual re: no one knowing about the pregnancy
but you create drama by discussing it with others and judging. All that leads to less togetherness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

I generally agree, but not here. If you chose not to inform very close family until 6 months, you can expect word to get around.

[Anonymous]

Leave them alone. You sound so nosey - which is probably why they didn't disclose to anybody.

Even if there was another reason, like this was an adoption, you have no right to know so shut it.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop- everyone stop!! It is weird that the brother didn’t mention anything to his sister. It’s also strange that he didn’t tell the mother If you were in OP’s shoes you would be feeling the same way. People here are jumping from one assumption to the other. You all know deep down you would think it was odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

+1