Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop- everyone stop!! It is weird that the brother didn’t mention anything to his sister. It’s also strange that he didn’t tell the mother If you were in OP’s shoes you would be feeling the same way. People here are jumping from one assumption to the other. You all know deep down you would think it was odd.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I texted my brother the other day asking if they will be in town for Labor Day because I’m planning on hosting a barbecue.

My brother texted back saying they will, but his wife is due around that time. I haven’t seen my SIL in 3 months and has no idea they were pregnant. I congratulated my brother and he just said “thanks!” I asked my brother if I could throw SIL a baby shower and he said no, she’s not into that kind of thing, nor do they have a registry. My brother also said they aren’t planning on having any family see the baby until they’ve been home for a week, which I understand but it also seems a little extreme.

I’m happy for my brother. When I had DS, I had 3 baby showers and my brother and SIL came to see DS while in the hospital. I was hoping I would get to experience the same close-ness with their baby, (my future niece or nephew), but clearly they don’t want any involvement and want to keep things private.

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

FWiW, my parents did not come to visit after the birth of our firstborn for a week because they felt a new family needs to have time together to bond and learn how to be.

[Anonymous]

I'm extremely private and never said a peep on social media about either of my pregnancies but not telling family is weird absent some sort of history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

Then the appropriate thing would have been to say - Brother, does Mom know? If not, please call her because it will hurt her to not know.

There is some reason OP's brother waited so long to share this news. It could be any number of things but I can assure you OP didn't help the situation by not allowing her brother to share the news himself with their Mom/Parents.

It doesn't sound like the brother considered this as news to be shared. Sounds like he's just bringing it up casually when the information may be pertinent. OP wasn't wrong.

[Anonymous]

Your title is misleading. Your brother did tell you about the pregnancy, at least 3 months ahead of time. Maybe his wife is trying her hardest to avoid 3 unwanted showers being held in her honor?

(It's probably best you and your mom don't plan a surprise one.)

[Anonymous]

I have to wonder if they had a string of losses. The people I know who did had a harder time with telling family at the "normal" week markers (like 12 or 14).

[Anonymous]

Could be a lot of things.

1. Your brother and SIL are just weird
2. They had complications/losses
3. They find your family overbearing and overdramatic (at least you seem to be) and didn't want to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be a lot of things.

1. Your brother and SIL are just weird
2. They had complications/losses
3. They find your family overbearing and overdramatic (at least you seem to be) and didn't want to deal with that.

Yep, this.

And something tells me you might not have the self awareness to get why they think you’re overbearing.

Other issues that it could be:

4. Brother and SIL are having marital problems and this pregnancy is an added stressor. My husband and I were having issues around the time our first was born, and we pretty much locked everyone out of the pregnancy. I was never close with his family to begin with (who are both unwelcoming and unkind), so we certainly weren’t going to open up to them.
5. They don’t want kids and simply aren’t excited about the pregnancy, even though they’ve decided to go through with it.

[Anonymous]

It's just not about you, OP. It's just not your call.

[Anonymous]

Not

About

You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I texted my brother the other day asking if they will be in town for Labor Day because I’m planning on hosting a barbecue.

My brother texted back saying they will, but his wife is due around that time. I haven’t seen my SIL in 3 months and has no idea they were pregnant. I congratulated my brother and he just said “thanks!” I asked my brother if I could throw SIL a baby shower and he said no, she’s not into that kind of thing, nor do they have a registry. My brother also said they aren’t planning on having any family see the baby until they’ve been home for a week, which I understand but it also seems a little extreme.

I’m happy for my brother. When I had DS, I had 3 baby showers and my brother and SIL came to see DS while in the hospital. I was hoping I would get to experience the same close-ness with their baby, (my future niece or nephew), but clearly they don’t want any involvement and want to keep things private.

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Haven't read any other responses yet but I would bet money that your bro and SIL have been dealing with infertility struggles. This is a pretty common mindset.

[Anonymous]

OP, dcum has the most unnatural, unhealthy views on family relations.

Your brother and his wife's handling of this pregnancy is as weird as weird can get. It is beyond bizarre.

The only normal thing about the whole thing is you calling your mom and asking if she knew.

Your poor mom.

This is as weird as eff.

[Anonymous]

Wait, wait, wait... YOU broke the baby news to your mom? Nope, that's against the rules! I don't care if your SIL is waddling around your house 7 months pregnant; no one gets to tell other family members about the pregnancy except the expecting couple!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, wait, wait... YOU broke the baby news to your mom? Nope, that's against the rules! I don't care if your SIL is waddling around your house 7 months pregnant; no one gets to tell other family members about the pregnancy except the expecting couple!

That might apply if the brother had actually "announced" the news to op. Instead she was told because the due date conflicted with her bbq invite. Sorry, that's not normal, and it's completely understandable that she checked with her mom to see if she knew already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, dcum has the most unnatural, unhealthy views on family relations.

Your brother and his wife's handling of this pregnancy is as weird as weird can get. It is beyond bizarre.

The only normal thing about the whole thing is you calling your mom and asking if she knew.

Your poor mom.

This is as weird as eff.

Totally agree! I'm so shocked at how many people think OP's reaction is off! WTH? Do you all have terrible family relationships? Sorry, but not sharing this news is a sign that you do not hold your family in close regard and that seems to be what is upsetting OP, and rightly so, if she didn't know her brother felt this way about the family before now. Many of the reason others are posting about why they may be acting this way are absolutely spot on... but in many families some of those reasons would be why you call family first and right away. It sounds like OP didn't realize her brother wasn't close to the family until just now. So yeah, it would hurt a lot to find out this way. Frankly, this isn't about the baby ... its about OP realizing her brother doesn't view family the way the rest of them do.