Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

Then no one will confide in you. You are not entitled to spread someone else's news without their okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

So you don't have any real friends do you? Because if they know this about you, they don't share anything real with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

Then no one will confide in you. You are not entitled to spread someone else's news without their okay.

actually people confide to me all the time. in fact i am the only person to know a bunch of stuff about a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And that's the attitude that results in people not sharing things with you.

My family is so darn gossipy and dsyfunctional that I assume every word that comes out of my mouth, or any observations about my appearance make the rounds immediately.

Which is why I didn't tell them when we were trying to get pregnant.

nah, not really. people share info with people who are warm, supportive and give them useful feedback and ideas. the expect secrets to be kept from a wider circle for sure, but that's very different from sharing pretty shocking news of sister's advance pregnancy with a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

Do you have a habit of sharing news that isn't yours to share? This is Brother and SIL's news to share with your parents. You way overstepped. If you want to be part of their and your niece/nephews life you need to take a giant step back and follow their lead.

Oh stop. I’m assuming OP thought her mother knew since it seems the family is not estranged.

Then the appropriate thing would have been to say - Brother, does Mom know? If not, please call her because it will hurt her to not know.

No. That is the boundary-less, manipulative thing to say. The APPROPRIATE thing to say would have been "Brother, does Mom know? I recognize that this is your news to share and I don't want to inadvertently blab it to anyone you haven't told."

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to consider the possibility that this is not just a couple with a history of loss, but possibly a current pregnancy with a very poor prognosis.

Back the f off until someone invites you in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

Then no one will confide in you. You are not entitled to spread someone else's news without their okay.

actually people confide to me all the time. in fact i am the only person to know a bunch of stuff about a lot of people.

LOL! Sure you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to consider the possibility that this is not just a couple with a history of loss, but possibly a current pregnancy with a very poor prognosis.

Back the f off until someone invites you in.

YEP. And now you've been a total ass and potentially caused a lot of stress for your SIL and brother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And that's the attitude that results in people not sharing things with you.

My family is so darn gossipy and dsyfunctional that I assume every word that comes out of my mouth, or any observations about my appearance make the rounds immediately.

Which is why I didn't tell them when we were trying to get pregnant.

Ha, same. I'm sure my brother is thrilled my mother is sharing the details of his vasectomy with me (and probably everyone else). Then again, my brother is well into his 30s and still overstates with her, so clearly he either hasn't learned yet and never will, or he just doesn't care that everyone now knows about his slightly unusual anatomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume it's been either a bumpy ride to conception or a tough pregnancy. Fertility battles can be tough and most people prefer them private. I would have empathy and relay my excitement and joy for them and not worry about when I was told this awesome news.

100% this. We didn't tell my brother and my parents about my wife's pregnancy until we got the amnio results back. She had lost three babies before that. Our baby was born in December, but I didn't really believe it was going to be okay until he was in our arms.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like to keep to themselves. Other people are very loud about such things (as I can tell from the fact that you had not one but 3 baby showers). To each their own.

Just because you don't have people in your life that want to celebrate your exciting time doesn't mean that other's are loud about having a baby because people that love them throw them baby showers. I had 4 showers for my 1st and 3 for my second. For my 1st, 2 were planned (one in the States (my family and friends) and one abroad (husband's family), then two surprise ones. For my second one we had 3 surprise baby showers (I told my mom not to throw me one because we had just about everything we needed from DC1), but my friends surprised us, my work colleagues also threw a surprise one and my husband's colleagues also caught us by surprise with a huge one. And we aren't loud, we are rather reserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't get over the fact that after having this text convo with your brother, the first thing you do is run to see if your mom knew.

Like, who does that? Who takes away the opportunity for their sibling & SIL to share the news with their mom & MIL that they're expecting?!

Did you even check in with your brother about doing that? Like a short "so, how excited is mom?" to see if he says "oh, we're waiting until Wife is __ weeks until we share with everyone." Instead, you just run off and blab!

That's cold.

I would do the same thing. It's not cold; it's about not keeping secrets from your mom

It's not your "secret" to keep or tell. Do you get it?

When I had a major health issue recently, I chose to tell some people and not to loop others in until I had more information. If my sister had told anyone before *I* was ready to tell someone--even a family member--I would have felt betrayed and hurt. And it would have taken a long time to rebuild trust.

no, i don't "get it". i will discuss whatever i feel like discussing and you can suck it?

Then no one will confide in you. You are not entitled to spread someone else's news without their okay.

actually people confide to me all the time. in fact i am the only person to know a bunch of stuff about a lot of people.

You don’t repeat gossip-so listen close the first time...

You need to mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of people sock pupetting themselves in this thread based on the times they posted (one right after another).

We get it, you don't like the OP & you think she's an attention seeker.

You're completely see through & obvious, you don't have to post a million times to get your point across though, geesh.

[Anonymous]

My Bil and his wife didn’t disclose it until their baby was born. They have a history of miscarriage and infertility. It was a bit uncomfortable not acknowledging her huge pregnant belly towards the end of her pregnancy. But I realize this is not about me so whatever they want to do is fine!