Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

I texted my brother the other day asking if they will be in town for Labor Day because I’m planning on hosting a barbecue.

My brother texted back saying they will, but his wife is due around that time. I haven’t seen my SIL in 3 months and has no idea they were pregnant. I congratulated my brother and he just said “thanks!” I asked my brother if I could throw SIL a baby shower and he said no, she’s not into that kind of thing, nor do they have a registry. My brother also said they aren’t planning on having any family see the baby until they’ve been home for a week, which I understand but it also seems a little extreme.

I’m happy for my brother. When I had DS, I had 3 baby showers and my brother and SIL came to see DS while in the hospital. I was hoping I would get to experience the same close-ness with their baby, (my future niece or nephew), but clearly they don’t want any involvement and want to keep things private.

I called my Mom and SHE had no idea they were pregnant either! It just seems odd to be nearly 6 months pregnant and not telling anyone?? This is their first child.

[Anonymous]

You are making something not about you sooo about you. Do you tend to do that? Your answer may be somewhere in there.

[Anonymous]

Lol meeting your niece or nephew one WEEK after their birth won't prohibit you from forming a close bond. Come on now.

[Anonymous]

How often do you talk to him usually? It would be weird if you talk every week and he hadn’t mentioned it the past couple of months, but if this is the first time he’s heard from you in three months, it’s not so weird.

[Anonymous]

That's kinda nutty. Is he usually that closed-mouth about his life?

[Anonymous]

Some people like to keep to themselves. Other people are very loud about such things (as I can tell from the fact that you had not one but 3 baby showers). To each their own.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird. And, be prepared that at some point in the future, it will come out that there was a shower for SIL but that your family wasn't invited.

[Anonymous]

These are not your decisions to make, OP. Let them enjoy this time as they want, not how you want. Why would you say something to your mom too? Are you just trying to stir up trouble? Let them announce as they deem fit depending on their desires or situation—this could be a high risk complex pregnancy or maybe they don’t like big announcements. It sounds like they are pretty low key and want to keep it that way.

[Anonymous]

I would assume it's been either a bumpy ride to conception or a tough pregnancy. Fertility battles can be tough and most people prefer them private. I would have empathy and relay my excitement and joy for them and not worry about when I was told this awesome news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like to keep to themselves. Other people are very loud about such things (as I can tell from the fact that you had not one but 3 baby showers). To each their own.

It's still weird to not tell your immediate family that you're expecting your first child, and only mention it because the due date conflicts with a BBQ! If op hadn't texted about that date, when would he have said something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume it's been either a bumpy ride to conception or a tough pregnancy. Fertility battles can be tough and most people prefer them private. I would have empathy and relay my excitement and joy for them and not worry about when I was told this awesome news.

+1


Don’t make this about you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like to keep to themselves. Other people are very loud about such things (as I can tell from the fact that you had not one but 3 baby showers). To each their own.

I'm not OP, but I'm not sure what the problem is with 3 showers. With my first baby, I had 3 surprise showers because I have a huge extended family that lives nearby. A paternal aunt and a maternal aunt each had a shower at their house. Then, there was a work shower. Having 2 family showers kept each shower small enough not to need to rent a hall or go to a restaurant to accommodate a large crowd and had nothing to do with me being "loud" about being pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I had a late loss (21 weeks) and it was a terrible and private battle. This made me scared to announce my next pregnancy until a viability age of about 26 weeks. My in laws were so so so mean and rude about it. I had to then explain my first loss and then they were mad they didn't know about that baby!!!!!! It did serious damage to the relationship. Tres lightmy here. The not wanting a shower, the late announcement, the no registry, these all scream "sensitive situation" to me. You never know what their last has held.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume it's been either a bumpy ride to conception or a tough pregnancy. Fertility battles can be tough and most people prefer them private. I would have empathy and relay my excitement and joy for them and not worry about when I was told this awesome news.

+1

It may also be that they feel your family is overwhelming. Some MILs will throw a huge surprise baby shower regardless of the feelings of the expectant mother, or the parents unexpectedly show up at the hospital room while she's in labor (my own experience). I can't say if your parents are overbearing or not, but your brother and his wife want their own intimate experience and do not want to entertain everyone else's needs and desires at this time.

[Anonymous]

You've never lost a baby have you OP? It seems your brother and sil aren't so lucky. Have some compassion.

And I dont let people visit my babies until we've been home 2 weeks! That is my bonding time.